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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I include her in my will?

244 replies

Sillysausage76 · 07/11/2024 11:33

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

OP posts:
BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 12:55

EdgarAllenRaven · 07/11/2024 12:52

Am I the only one that feels sorry for her…? She was due to inherit her Dad’s house, she gets nothing from her own Mum and now nothing…. Just because she was a young Mum it seems?
I would definitely put in a provision equivalent to the value of her Dad’s house when it was sold. Why would that not be fair?

Yes, agree. She's her father's only child, his only asset seems to be the business, and that's where her intended inheritance was invested. If OP isn't going to share her house and inheritance with her step daughter, I don't see why her DH would share his half of the business with his step children.

Stormyweatheroutthere · 07/11/2024 12:55

So she works part time anticipating df's earnings will bale her out in time? Fuck that...

Flumoxed · 07/11/2024 12:59

How old is DSD and what age was she when she said that her dad's house would be hers alone? Is this a person you have raised since she was 10 or is this an adult you met when she was in her 40s? If it is something said as a child/teen, then I would treat it as if she had never said it.

If she had never made any comments about having a sole claim on her dad's house, how would you have thought to split things?

mugglewump · 07/11/2024 13:01

Not for her sake, but for your DH's, it is only fair that she is included in both your wills. Whilst your greatest asset, your home, is in just your name, your DH is most likely contributing to your living costs. You only mention that she is asking about inheritance, what does your partner think? Would he like her to be included? I think that when you marry someone, your assets should be shared because you are forming a partnership. It sounds like he has done his bit of sharing by putting the profit from his house sale into your shared business. As you have 4 children and he has only 1, the difference is only 5% to split the assets 5 rather than 4 ways, or you could make a gesture in your will eg £XK, which might be an acceptable compromise.

carrotcakeagain · 07/11/2024 13:01

Surely she should get her dads half of the business, if yours would get your half. No wonder she’s laying down requests. This seems very unfair.

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 07/11/2024 13:02

If dad has put in 50% into the business, then i think she should receive 25% (business only). I say 25% because then his share is split equally between you and DSD plus you will receive your own 50% and you already have a substantial sum of money and will inherit. I think that's the fairest way. I wouldn't give her any controlling shares of the business, maybe 25% of the net profit. She doesn't sound too bright and might hinder business development or godforbid, sell her shares. Make sure you have a clear business /partnership agreement, in the event of death etc..

Blondiie · 07/11/2024 13:02

Your DH has assets - used to be his house and now presumably capital and part of a business. It is likely your dh will die first, considering the age gap. I would try to get a decent chunk to her, as his only child, at that time and then draw a line under it. Then leave your estate to your own dc. Tbh I think it’s reasonable to have an expectation of inheritance when you are the only child of a person with some wealth. She shouldn’t be going in about it or claiming a house is “her inheritance” when her dad might be decades away from dying but doing that should mean she gets told to catch herself on, not be disinherited in favour of your dc.
How would you feel if you were to die first, your dh inherits the business that you have put money into, and then the whole lot goes to his dd?

Coconutter24 · 07/11/2024 13:04

If your DH wanted to give her something could he leave his 50% of the business to her, or does he not want that?
I wouldn’t feel bad about not leaving her anything mainly for the fact she was happy to inherit her dads house and not share (which is fair enough if he left it to just her) but now things have changed she can’t start expecting things to be split equally to suit her

DoTheDinosaurStomp · 07/11/2024 13:07

She was due to inherit her fathers house but he sold it and put the money into your business. Which you will then divide between your children, leaving her nothing? That seems completely unfair although I suppose we can't say for definite without figures. If he made 5k on the house and put it into your business then she should get the 2k. If he put 40k into the business from the house sale then she should inherit that amount. Not 1/5th of the entire business if that's worth say 1 million.

BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 13:09

Coconutter24 · 07/11/2024 13:04

If your DH wanted to give her something could he leave his 50% of the business to her, or does he not want that?
I wouldn’t feel bad about not leaving her anything mainly for the fact she was happy to inherit her dads house and not share (which is fair enough if he left it to just her) but now things have changed she can’t start expecting things to be split equally to suit her

She was due to inherit her father's only asset, which is a reasonable expectation as his only child. Now OP is proposing she inherits nothing.

ilovedogsme · 07/11/2024 13:09

She wouldn't have shared any profits from sale of her DF house. I think he should leave her a token amount in his will. I don't see why she should be in yours when its obvious she doesn't like or respect you, and you will probably never see her again after DHs funeral other than for the reading of his will.

PortiasBiscuit · 07/11/2024 13:10

I would, because I’d be dead and I’d been looking to maintain a relationship between her and the other children involved, also doesn’t your DH get a say?

BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 13:10

ilovedogsme · 07/11/2024 13:09

She wouldn't have shared any profits from sale of her DF house. I think he should leave her a token amount in his will. I don't see why she should be in yours when its obvious she doesn't like or respect you, and you will probably never see her again after DHs funeral other than for the reading of his will.

Would you leave your DC a token amount in your will, knowing your only significant asset would then go to your step children?

WearyAuldWumman · 07/11/2024 13:15

My late husband had two adult kids at the point when he found out about his ex's affair.

He and his ex divorced two years later. We married 6 yrs after that. Yet another 6 yrs later, one of the kids became a mother.

She told us that I was "too young" to be a grandmother. (Fair enough. The age difference between my husband and me was almost the same as that between her and her partner - he had two adult children when they got together - so maybe that's what was in her mind. )

My husband's suggestion of "honorary aunty" was knocked back. I reckoned that it was up to the mum to decide, so was always called by forename.

Cut to around 7 years later. The ex's Affair Partner died. The daughter's partner had a few drinks while they were visiting and announced that he was displeased that the AP had left all his money to the ex. "He should have left something to [granddaughter] because she called him 'Grandad'."

That was the point when I thought "Oh. You'll obviously not expect me to leave the bairn anything then?"

When the granddaughter was about 11, in front of her mother she asked me what relation I was to her. I was taken aback - she's an intelligent enough girl, and I couldn't understand how she didn't have it figured out.I explained that I was married to her grandfather, so her step-grandmother. "Is that like half a gran?"

"Well, I suppose you could put it that way." All the while, the mother was laughing.

DH died during lockdown. The daughter told me that she couldn't come to the funeral because of her asthma. She didn't want the nearly 21 yr old granddaughter to attend because it might be too upsetting.

I was executor. The granddaughter wasn't in his will, but he'd told me what to give her on his behalf. I honoured that. I also had my MIL's jewellery repaired and sent that to her. When she graduated, I sent her another cheque from my husband's estate. (My DH hadn't told me to do that, but I knew that he'd have given her something.)

I suspect that they all expected more. I don't think they realised that I was the main breadwinner. My husband's combined teaching and state pension was 18k a year. I had to give up my job two years sooner than expected because of my husband's health and my pension has taken a severe knock as a result.

The granddaughter will get nothing from me. If there's anything left when I go, it'll go to the children who call me "Great Aunt". I feel a bit sad about it.

ETA The point I'm making is that I understand the OP's logic.

stealthninjamum · 07/11/2024 13:15

Sorry op she may be entitled but I’m sure many people would be thinking the same thing as her. You don’t mention whether your children are thinking the same thing - probably not because they know they’re getting a quarter share.

so I think you need to remove feelings about her (lazy, entitled etc) and think about the morality of intending to leave a child a house, using that money to invest in a business which is then successful and then gets left to other people.

Ouncesnow · 07/11/2024 13:16

Your house should go to your 4DC and the business assets should go 50% to the step child and the other 50% split between your 4DC.

ilovedogsme · 07/11/2024 13:17

BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 13:10

Would you leave your DC a token amount in your will, knowing your only significant asset would then go to your step children?

his significant asset is his 50% of the business, he should leave her what he deems it to be worth

Coconutter24 · 07/11/2024 13:23

BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 13:09

She was due to inherit her father's only asset, which is a reasonable expectation as his only child. Now OP is proposing she inherits nothing.

OP said her DH put money into the business so if he wanted her to have something he could put that in his will from his share. It would be unfair if he died first OP inherit the business then only share that with her own children considering DH put money in to it

InterIgnis · 07/11/2024 13:24

No, she’s not entitled to anything. You choose to leave your money how you like, same as your husband chose and chooses to do with his money as he likes.

He wants the business to go to you - you don’t owe her something that was never hers in the first place, and you don’t need to compensate for your husband’s freely made choices.

InterIgnis · 07/11/2024 13:25

Coconutter24 · 07/11/2024 13:23

OP said her DH put money into the business so if he wanted her to have something he could put that in his will from his share. It would be unfair if he died first OP inherit the business then only share that with her own children considering DH put money in to it

Yes, he was free to do as he liked with his own money. If he wanted her to have that money he could have ensured she did. He didn’t and doesn’t want her to have it.

19lottie82 · 07/11/2024 13:27

That seems a bit crap to leave her with nothing. Granted, she hasn’t behaved amazingly, but to me, it looks like you’re doing it out of spite. How would you feel if your children were left with nothing?

WearyAuldWumman · 07/11/2024 13:30

19lottie82 · 07/11/2024 13:27

That seems a bit crap to leave her with nothing. Granted, she hasn’t behaved amazingly, but to me, it looks like you’re doing it out of spite. How would you feel if your children were left with nothing?

Surely it's up to OP's husband to ensure that something goes to his daughter?

MagpiePi · 07/11/2024 13:32

Nobody is entitled to receive anything in a will, and nobody is obliged to include someone in a will.

crumblingschools · 07/11/2024 13:34

what happens to the business if DH leaves 50% of the business to DSD? How does that work financially? So any savings have come from the business? Would the business have continued without DH’s investment? You ring-fenced your main asset but DH ploughed his into your business.

InterIgnis · 07/11/2024 13:34

19lottie82 · 07/11/2024 13:27

That seems a bit crap to leave her with nothing. Granted, she hasn’t behaved amazingly, but to me, it looks like you’re doing it out of spite. How would you feel if your children were left with nothing?

Her father has chosen to leave her nothing. Op isn’t required to step in and give her something to make up for it.