Should I include her in my will?

[Sillysausage76]

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

In these circumstances I think she should be included as your dh's assets were ploughed into your joint business. If she is to inherit 50% of the business and it's worth a lot that would make things different but if the business is not the kind the dc can profit from nor sold on then 20% of the house perhaps but not your personal money . It's something that will need to be kept up to date because could change

To me the obvious answer is she became active in the business, that way she has a future

Nothing feigned, just a bit odd to resort to swearing on a thread about someone else's will but you let it out.

The law as in legislation doesn't refer to a legal 'bigger picture' and otherwise. It lays out, well, legislation. So I'm not sure what you mean by that. I happen to think family relationships and doing right by people, even step children, can be quite complex. Legislation, or state law is only one source of law. Decision making in this sort of context should also be informed by values and ethics.

OP isn't bound by any law saying 'you cannot leave anything to your step daughter'. So I'm not sure why you're insistent that the fact she can exclude her from her will is the last word. She is free to, and knows that, but that's not really what she's asking. She's asking whether others think that would be the right thing to do.

’Resort to swearing’? Lol. I wasn’t aware that ‘no shit’ was reserved for special occasions.

Legal precedent absolutely reflects the bigger picture regarding what is valued in a society. In this case the law allows for the freedom of people to make their own individual ethical and moral judgements within its framework. I’m saying the law is the last word because it is 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s a statement of fact that the daughter isn’t entitled to her father’s assets if he, of sound mind, decides he does not want her to have them. OP is of course free to include her or not, but there’s no ‘should’ about it - only what OP would prefer.

You are of course to free to think it’s a complex issue, but no one else is required to. Similarly, they aren’t required to pay the slightest bit of attention to the ‘values and ethics’ you would like them to. The stepdaughter can feel however she wants to about it, but if OP and her DH do decide not to include her then that really is the last word.

It’s a statement of fact that the daughter isn’t entitled to her father’s assets if he, of sound mind, decides he does not want her to have them

Not talking about this case in particular but that isn't incontrovertible fact at all. There could easily be factors leading to a decision in one party 's favour if a will was contested.

But that isn't what's being asked. It's about the decision making around a OP's own will. That's if the father decided not to write the daughter in for whatever reason and survives the OP. The OP is asking as she doesn't seem to feel entirely comfortable about leaving the SD out. So yes, her personal values and feelings surrounding the matter are pretty central.

There is no right to inherit in England. That is a fact. Being able to make a claim does not equal a legal entitlement to a parent’s assets. And no, if a will is written by someone of sound mind, that has made their wishes clear and been sure to follow the letter of the law, it is highly unlikely that anyone contesting that will would be successful.

“So yes, her personal values and feelings surrounding the matter are pretty central.”

…no shit.

What point are you actually responding to? This was the OP: 'Is it unfair not to include her in my will?' never 'am I legally obliged to include her...'

You mean a discussion developed beyond an OP? On a message board? Crazy stuff.

I believe I initially questioned why the daughter ‘should’ be entitled to her father’s assets when he doesn’t want her to have them. Feel
free to scroll back through if you want to see exactly what points I’ve responded to.

Well no, you keep going around variants of 'the SD has no legal entitlement to an inheritance' when it wasn't what the OP was asking, or what I for one was saying

Ballpark, how much are you both collectively going to pass on?

And yet here you are, being the other half of the conversation, going around in your own circles 🤷🏻‍♀️

But, don't forget that you may have grandchildren from your DC to protect also.

You sound like a wonderful person and will do what's best for everyone.

I'm a bit invested in this thread - my mum died young and left everything to my dad. He has since remarried twice and had more kids. I'm fairly sure he's leaving everything to his third wife, meaning me, my siblings and my step-siblings will get nothing. When I was a child and we moved house and struggled financially in the 80s and 90s, my mum assured us the house would be our inheritance...little did she know...

@Sillysausage76, please can I ask about how this has been approached between you and your DH? has he actually said he doesn't want DSD to inherit? Does he just assume you'll sort it out for her? Did you really have a conversation where you said "I'm leaving my house to my four children" and he said "oh, I'm not going to bother leaving anything to my daughter"?

I can imagine my parents' faces if I started to ask about my 'inheritance'! My dm hates talking about money and though they are both in their 80s haven't drawn up a Will. My db tried to talk to me about his Will when he was terminally ill - he died earlier this year - but I found it too upsetting so I just told him to leave it to our parents. (He was long term unemployed and on jsa)

I don’t understand why he can’t touch your house, did you sign a pre nup or some sort of legal document when you got married to say this?

what happens when you do family things? Do you cover most of the cost as there are 5 of your family and just one of him, does he just pay for himself? Does he and has he helped with the bringing up of your 4 kids over the past 15 years?

Who she to dictate your will?

If she thinks money will sort her life out she is wrong. Somebody dying isn't about what you inherit, it's about the love you have for the deceased parent.

Disgusting attitude of SD

I get this too.

My dad told me he'd never marry my stepmum because he didn't want us to be left with bare minimum. So I was quite aghast when they told me they were getting married. My mum took her own life, and the mortgage got paid off (wouldn't happen these days!)

In the end, he was mid divorce when he died. We got a decent amount. Not sure how it would have looked alternatively and no divorce.

The money has saved my life, helped big time, life changing if you've no chance of a mortgaged house but, ultimately, my dad. I'd prefer my dad here.

That's my input.

This too! Like if both dead are worth 100k you'd split it between ALL children.

But. The house is hers 😒 that's the main issue. Why is stepdaughter entitled to some of that?

To answer a few questions, my house will always be for my children. DH is leaving his 50% of business to his DD. I will speak to solicitors and decide from their. Although the business is making money, unless dsd took a active roll in it she would never be able to buy her own home. She doesn't want to be part of the business which is her right.
DH doesn't pay for my dc, 3 are now adults. He loves them all, and they love and respect him. The money from the house would buy all 4 of my dc a 1/2 bed property, the business would also buy a 2 bed property but dsd would need 3 bed minimum. Due to dsd finances she would struggle to maintain a property, so if boiler went or need new carpet she wouldn't have the money, especially since she wouldn't get uc help. We've recently brought her a car as hers was unreliable, also paid for her and her family to go away in August, so it's not like we don't treat her.
I

He's never said he wouldn't leave dsd anything, and he does love her, this is why I'm trying to see what's fair and get everything sorted.

Hi OP, I've pm'd you. I can give you some pointers as there are some key considerations here. I'm an estate planner and specialise in this. Happy to help if you like.

Thank you, I replied. I have solicitors end of week and accountant is looking into the value of business.

‘She … never had any ambition to work’

That make would be a big fat no for me, especially combined with her attitude towards her natural inheritance from dad. She has to share everything, with your kids, or she keeps her sticky fingers off your inheritance.

Just a quick update.
The house and contents 100% is going to my children, the business will be sold as the land is worth a bit. DSD will then inherite 60%, DH grandkids will get 5% and the other 25% will be split between my nieces and nephews. My jewellery is sorted. The vehicles if worth anything will be split between the 5 kids. DH tools will all go to his nephew. I'm 18 years younger than DH, and we're both in good health but anything can happen. If I go first DH will stay in the house. If I inherite from my parents I will look at passing this on to my children and if DH inherites from his aunt he will pass on to his daughter.

10% missing there - do the grandchildren get 15%?

Suspect there'll be some falling out over the inheritance no matter how you split it.