Should I include her in my will?

[Sillysausage76]

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

This. I am pretty shocked that your dh isn’t giving his half of the business to his dd effectively disinheriting her. It should be set up in such a way that she is a silent partner and cannot just demand cash from the business.

Rather than winding it down why not try to sell it as a going concern? Sell any equipment, contact details etc. You can then divide that - put dh original stake and half of profits into an account which is just his. Anything left from that account can go to her when he dies. You get any remaining profits and that can go to your dc. If dh spends it all before he dies then there is nothing left for her. Likewise if you spend all your share then your dc inherit nothing.

Definitely leave a nominal amount so that there is no question of her claiming from your estate.
I think it is fair that her father leave her what he can from his estate.

She doesn't get to demand or have any opinion on anything in my view.

No, if she felt the house/her dad’s stuff was hers (and it wasn’t, it was his to piss up a wall during retirement if he fancied it) then the only moral argument she MIGHT have is that she should have his share of the business that he invested in with you. If he feels this is just or fair, then he can make the appropriate arrangement in his will.

That said, no-one has an entitlement to anything upon a parent’s death bed, blood relative or not. So, no, if you want to divide your personal assets between your own DC/DGC and leave nothing to her, that is totally your right. None of her business what goes into your will, and you have no moral obligation to leave her anything, whether her father has provided fro her or not.

Sounds like she's getting shafted. She should inherit her father's share of the business. It's odd that he isn't advocating for her and is letting you make this decision when obviously you will favour your own children.

It really doesn't matter how many hours she works or when she had children.

I think I'm going to leave house to my dc and the whole business to dsd and grandkids, so she can build a future and it's a income for her then. I will make sure theirs enough money to keep business going and that she gets all the help and support she might need. I will obviously speak to dh. All jewellery will be split equally.
I'm also going to build a better relationship with her and start by seeing if she'd like to do a spa day/weekend with me, my youngest dc has sen, so I've probably not put as much into the relationship as I could have. Will also get dh to spend time with her.

Obviously it is your (and your DH) money and assets, and should be for you to enjoy and use as needed for care etc. But if there is some left to pass on, I think it is good to talk about within a family, as there is often so much pain and fallout from these sorts of issues.
She may have gone about this badly, but I suspect your DH would like to see her have some security and that you wouldn't want him to worry, or have any of your children feel unfairly treated and in conflict with each other.

So has a poster really implied nobody should better themselves /their business by selling their own property incase it would swindle a dc out of money? Bonkers. Only on mn....

That's very kind OP.
I think the teen, who I spoke about, has been very fortunate with the stepdad. Huge amount of healing. He is a great man and you sound like a great woman.
Divorce or separation is often the right thing to do but we can't deny it leaves any kids caught up in it quite conflicted and damaged. No matter how old they are or how long ago it was.

Just say to her it's all in hand so not worry ....and we have no intention of popping our cloggs just yet so let's just enjoy life ...then her leave a 1 quid in the will 😀

Wow - how wonderfully refreshing to see an OP actually take views/suggestions onboard and to look at her own self in the context and make changes to her plans, in this case re the inheritance. I applaud you, OP, and hope that the reconnecting with your SD works out well.

So he expects the OP to do the decent thing by his daughter, instead of doing the decent thing by her himself?

He had, and still has, assets. What's to stop him from making a will leaving those (or a percentage) to his daughter? I'm sure that would be a relief to the OP, too.

I think you should include his daughter. He's been living with you and presumably paying in. How has he ended up with nothing?

Just to remind everyone that the average age of 'children' when they inherit after a parent's death is 61, so by then an inheritance is often almost irrelevant to one's life chances or lifestyle.

Why would he be relying on OP to do ‘the decent thing’ when he’s perfectly capable of doing it himself?

OP and her husband are working with a solicitor currently, it’s not like she’s hiding anything from him, or controlling what he does with his share. He’s actively choosing to leave it to OP rather than his daughter.

I think thats lovely of you.

Your DH came with a child, by leaving her out, you'll effectively burn any relationship she and your side of the family could ever have had.

You should also consider that you might die before your DH, if you haven't already.... not read all the thread.

He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I.

Did your DSD and her DP do any DIY or offer to repair/upgrade the house when living there, seems a bit drastic to give up a house that you know is secure long term.
Or did her DF evict her?

The business should be 50% to your DC and 50% to who ever your DH decides to leave his half to.

Its not up to you to fill her own mothers shoes and hand over your inheritance to her.

I'll also add, having started a business from scratch that sounds a bit like yours in its a non product making one, so once retired the business isn't a kind you can sell, to enjoy the fruits of your labour and the lunches out or whatever you decide to spend your earned money on, with your DH.

Edited to say...
I miss understood in thinking you/your DH were the business, if you understand, as in there's no business unless someone in the know can run it.

Does your DSD/her DP work in the business now?

If not if you leave your % of the business to her is it not best that she/her DP work in the business before you hand it over so they know what's needed once it becomes hers.

This one nails it.

You're not dead yet and neither is DH. Any talk to what she might get when you are both dead is in really poor taste.

Given that DH did put some lump sum into the business then if there is still some money left over once you and DH are both dead and all legitimate debts paid off then perhaps yes she might deserve something. How much is entirely at your discretion and if I were in your shoes her share would be getting halved every time she moans about it.

I appreciate that the house didn't do very well as an asset, but I do think it's unfair that he had a house and the proceeds of that house are now in your business and she's not getting a look in at all. I'd have thought that between you and DH, you need to find a way for her to inherit something, particularly as it sounds like your DC are yours, and not his.

So He could/should leave her all or some of his share of your business, at the very least. Or, to make it "cleaner" perhaps some kind of agreed equivalent amount.

The money from her Dad's house that would otherwise have been her's, has been consumed to provide income for you and your husband, who jointly threw your lot in together... but his capital has been consumed and yours has remained intact.. ergo.. your children's inheritance has been protected and her's has been spent.

The promise of passing the business to her seems disingenuous on the face of it.. it is a business that relies on you and your husband to keep it running and has little value otherwise... you have reduced your input to the business, and your husband is winding down.. which if this continues, there will be little left if you both spend a number of years in retirement.. and if it relies on you and your husband, there is no guarantee that your DSD will be interested or capable of running this business.

Passing money to grandkids ie missing ger out completely seems unkind... why do you value her children more than her?

Why does your DH not wish to secure her future when on the face of it.. had he not moved in with you.. he would still have his house... care fees not withstanding.

I understand that you wish to pass your house on to your children and obviously I don't know how much of this house you paid for compared to how much you have each contributed to your living costs and the business... and I am sure that is relevant... but if your income for several years and maybe some of your retirement funds were generated from your DH's capital, I think you should both consider how to include your DSD in your inheritance planning, no matter what you think of the age she had children or how much she and her husband earn.

@Rhaidimiddim the way I am reading is that if one partner is still alive the business is transferred to them, and the OP's questions relates to when she is the surviving partner (which is the most likely scenario as husband is older by some years). I'm assuming if DH is the surviving spouse he will leave something to his DSD then

It’s not and never has been her money, or something she’s entitled to have. Her father chose what he wanted to do with his assets and money. He chose to invest in OP’s business, and he’s chosen to leave his stake to OP. He could have done what OP did, but chose not to. It isn’t on OP to do it for him.

No I think he needs to make plans for her not you. I say that as a single parent who intends to provide for my own children. I wouldn’t expect a partner to do this.

Lazy and entitled? Not a great combination. You owe her nothing. Your DP can leave her what he wants.

This is a lovely kind update, but do consider changing variables, could your children grow up & want to be part of the business? They’d then lose it after your death? Would DSD/partner be prepared to work in the business to help it grow so they could run it upon inheriting it? They don’t have to do it FT to start. (They only work PT so have plenty time so have a side hustle) This would mean you & DH can take long lunches & wind down a bit without the business declining. Your DH can leave things in trust (as can you) for in the event of him passing first. My DF passed several years ago & left his half of the house equally between his children. However, we can’t sell it, or have any right over it until DM passes, it was written into trust so she has control of it & use of it until she passes. (Her half is also left to same children). She doesn’t pay rent & we aren’t liable for any bills. In the event she has to go into care, only her half can be used towards care fees.

Obviously you can change a will at any time, but do think through a few “what if’s” first.