Should I include her in my will?

[Sillysausage76]

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

My father's third wife decided that her adult children should inherit as much as me, his only child. They are adult men with families who were in their thirties when my Dad showed up.

As you can imagine, I barely speak to my father.

I’d split it equally personally. I wouldn’t want to do anything to sour the relationships between siblings after I’m gone. It’s not like you were with her father for just a year.

Yes 5% each

But my house came from money that was before him, my exdh patents left me personal money in their will after I was divorced and this went into the house, so I see that as my children's.
She also doesn't have a relationship with my kids, their polite but that's it.

If his house had increased in value would she be splitting it with your 4 kids? I think we know the answer

There often is. It can't be helped.

Sounds pretty fair and well thought out but if someone wants to be upset they will be! Of course ex dh's parents would eventually have wanted any monies given to you for a house purchase to eventually devolve to their gc.

My own experience was that my husband's kids said they didn't want anything after he died. (I'd cared for him for many years.) Even so, I don't think that they realised that I'd been the breadwinner and that his pension was small. In addition, I don't think they realised that giving up my work two years before I was entitled to my full pension meant that there's been a severe and infinite impact on my final pension.

I had to wait a year before I finalised everything, since the advice from my solicitor was that I had to pay for the memorials out of the estate.

He wanted to send the usual letter (under Scots law) asking whether they wanted their legal rights. I instructed him to send the cheques with a covering letter to say that that was their entitlement. Also, the grandchild got what my husband asked me to pass on. (The solicitor was against that, but I told him to say that it was being sent according to my husband's verbal wish.)

They waited a month before cashing them, so I'm assuming that they were taking legal advice.

After a month, the bank phoned to ask me to verify one of the cheques, which I did. I also forewarned the bank that I was going into hospital and that two more cheques were still to be cashed.

A week after I got home, the solicitor got phone calls from the other two complaining that the cheques had bounced... (They hadn't. The bank thought that I was being defrauded.) I got it sorted out and the cheques were honoured.

I had wanted to send extra cheques for a graduation present and a wedding present from my husband, but the solicitor refused to do that: I should do it myself, if I wanted to. I did and those cheques were cashed immediately.

Honestly I would suggest just leaving your assets to your children.

The business complicates things, depending on what your husband wants to happen with his half, and whether you or your children want to continue it. If he wants his half to go to her, you could perhaps look at buying him out in part or entirely. Placing the business in a trust may also be something you may wish to consider

I thought about buying him out but he would then work for me and he wouldn't want this and nor would I. None of the children would get any inheritance until we were both gone. My children don't want the business.

Did you not expect them to cash the cheques? Db died in March and sale of his house was completed this week. I told him it would be simpler if he left everything to our parents - I was just too upset to deal with that - and he died 2 weeks later. He didn't have much as he was long term unemployed and our parents paid off all his debts and his funeral, memorial stone etc.
I'm just saying that if my parents give me any monies from his estate - probably just under £200k net - I'm not going to fling it in their face!

I expected them to cash the cheques straight away.

However, I was thrown when they waited a month before cashing the first cheques. This was a year after DH’s death.

There’s also the fact that there was no acknowledgement of receipt of the cheques or my MIL’s jewellery.

I’d sent the jewellery etc via insured delivery so knew that they’d got that safely.

I spent a month checking to see whether the cheques had been cashed. It was a relief that the second cheques were cashed straight away.

I was in a dreadful state when DH died. It was lockdown and I had to do everything by myself.

The kids decided it was too dangerous to travel to the funeral. (By that point, I was allowed 20 at the service.) In between screaming at four walls, I kept what was left of my sanity by organising the funeral and dealing with tasks as advised by the lawyer.

It took a good while to sort through MIL’s jewellery, have it repaired and pack it up to send to the kids and grandkids, but it gave me something mundane to focus on.

@WearyAuldWumman that must have been awful for you! I can't imagine not going to my own parent's funeral however 'dangerous'.
My parents are lucky they had each other to manage all the difficult decisions after db's death. They were both the executors of the will and despite them employing a solicitor to deal with probate it has still been a lot of work for them. And he only had a very basic estate!
I find people nowadays don't feel the need to acknowledge receit of gifts, money, emails etc. I know it was driving df mad not knowing whether someone had received something or not.

Also dm loves sending out cheques for birthdays etc to me and her gc and they are all really slow at processing them. In fact ds generally has to ask dm for a replacement as it has expired! They would rather do online banking but dm refuses to do anything online. The conveyancing solicitors loved her NOT! They are in their 80s.

Absolutely not if she wasn’t going to share hers why should you share your childrens they already have to split it 4 ways as it is

Thank you.

Yes, there's a lot of work involved even in a basic estate. When my parents died, there was no need for confirmation - the Scottish equivalent of probate - but there was a great deal of work involved, nevertheless.

I did need confirmation for my husband's estate. It was way below the inheritance tax threshold, but ISTR that confirmation was required for anything over 35k. You can do it yourself via the local court but I wasn't in a fit state to manage that and I was thankful that I had the solicitor do it for me.

He was very good, I have to say. He insisted that I do everything else myself (apart from sending off the cheques). Partly, I think he was keeping down the costs for me but he was a very kind older gentleman and he made me sit down in his office and note down a list of what I had to do. I was instructed to work my way through the list and then hand in everything to him (to provide proof of the estate, I guess). I recall that he handed me a pen and a box of tissues and told me that it would give me something to focus on.

I think that you're right about people no longer acknowledging the receipt of things - I recall being surprised when we didn't get a thank you card for the present I gave to my cousin's son, although my cousin thanked us.

I do now have online banking for my main account but I only set that up because of lockdown.

With my husband's estate, I wanted to make sure that there were no mistakes made, so when I saw the bank manager and filled up the form to close my husband's account, I opened up a separate account and transferred the money into that. (I think I was also able to give the bank the bill for the funeral at the same time.)

I didn't feel comfortable operating yet another online banking account, so I just got a cheque book for that. I also thought that it was easier to keep a record of transactions with a more traditional account. (Perhaps not for a young person, but it was easier for me.)

I still send cheques for my nephews' children's Christmas and birthday presents, but I think that there's an app that allows their parents to scan it into their accounts?

@WearyAuldWumman my parents were only told last week they needed a separate bank account for the estate as the buyer's solicitors refused to pay it into my parents account even though they are the sole beneficiaries and it was a big rush.

They were turned away from 3 banks and told to do it online! They did eventually open the account on Monday. They were only offered a cheque book but they have already paid everything out of their own money so it's not really necessary. Dad is going to tot up everything to do a proper account.

Mum is adamant she won't do online banking but so many businesses don't accept cheques anymore. They had to pay a large sum in cash to repair db's garage roof and the person who checked the boiler for the sale refused a cheque so dm had to take the cash to the estate agent so he could transfer it!

As you say paying in cheques is easier now as I just need to take a photo in order to pay it in.

I was very lucky - my husband's bank still had its branch open and the manager was very helpful. I've recently heard that the branch is closing down. Goodness knows how older people are going to manage now.

So what happened to the money from his house. If it was invested then surely that investment should be hers