To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

I care about my own weight but I don't give a single thought to anyone elses.

I'm pretty sure most people are not paying attention to you or what you look like. If people say they do (I didn't see the thread you are referring to) then that reflects poorly on them not on you.

That thread was about how people feel about their own bodies, not yours or anyone else’s.

I thought the same thing after that thread too op. Thin women with low bmis saying how they thought they were too fat....I did wonder what they must think of women who are actually overweight

I wasn’t on that thread but read it. I am unhappy with myself if over bmi of 21 but literally never consider what other people look like at all.

I haven't read the thread, but can say that whilst I'm concerned with my own weight and definitely notice when I gain or lose, I don't really notice others' weight just on a day to day basis. I'd probably notice if they were extremely fat or thin, but it'd be a moment's thought and then my mind would go to other things.

Your BMI works out at around 35, so I'd guess although (like me) it would be good for your long-term health to lose some weight, you're not so big that it would be that noticeable. I wouldn't think twice about it if I saw you.

It barely registers for me what size someone else is! I’ve always thought myself fat even when I was v v slim. It’s body dysmorphia but only applies to my own body. I often think women look great who are bigger than me.

Your style sounds great. I think I'd notice your size, but only in the sense that I notice anyone's size or any other basic things about them, like "shortish, average build, short brown hair." I wouldn't think any less of you for it. I'm about a size 18 and I don't really dislike my size either. I'd like to think that I am noticed more for my style (which is sometimes a bit unusual) than anything else.

This.

I genuinely believe people look great at all shapes and sizes and it’s totally their own business. If a website shows clothes on a bigger woman and a very slim one I often think the clothes look better on the bigger woman. For myself though, I prefer my body at 8.5 stone and size 8 (I’m pretty short) and the extra half stone i have is really annoying me. It doesn’t really make sense but there you go!

Honestly, as a slim woman I am (too) aware of my own weight, but never give a thought to anyone elses. I have a lovely friend who is always telling me she has gained or lost a stone, but she has never looked any different to me - she has always looked great! Like many women, I am hyper vigilant about my own weight, which sucks for me in many ways, but do not apply the same standards to other people, at all. My DH is a bit squishy and I think he is gorgeous.

The only time I ever think about someone's weight is when they don't fit on the seat next to me on the train or bus and somehow that's my problem.

Or very occasionally when they need loads of support at work because they don't have the energy to get the job done, but that's only ever been in the case of very extreme obesity.

I honestly don’t care about other people’s appearances as long as they have decent hygiene. I don’t want to have to smell another person’s dirty body / hair / clothes. Their weight doesn’t matter a jot.

I read that thread too. I'm currently a comfortable 16. Never been smaller than a 12 and that was with very disordered eating and mild bulimia. I've now been this size for a good five years. I eat well, exercise etc...and don't seem to gain or lose. I make the effort with clothes, mini/midi dresses with trainers or boots, classic black biker jacket. If this is my size now then honestly I am 100% fine with it.

I've fluctuated in my life between a size 8 and a size 20, currently and
8. I found that when I was bigger I was more likely to notice other peoples sizes because I was conscious of my own, but not in a mean way towards anyone else, purely due to my own self esteem issues.

Now, I don't take much notice of anyone's sizes, more likely to take notice of a nicely put together outfit than what is underneath it. My female friends are all the same, I can't imagine any one of them commenting on another woman's size if out in public.

Didnt see that thread, but I dont care what weight other ppl are unless it affects me. Most people are overweight these days so I would barely notice you doing whatever.
For me keeping my weight below a size 12 is mostly about health because I have diabetes in the family.

People don't care what other people look like, they literally aren't thinking about you.

If you were a friend of family member complaining to me about your weight whilst eating a pastry, bag of crisps etc I'd get frustrated at the bad choices you continue to make but. Wouldn't comment.

But I'm the same size as you and have a similar outlook, I am trying to lose weight but only after noticing some weight related issues in the summer feet swelling etc not for aesthetic reasons.

I didn't have body issues growing up and was into sports so athletic and only put on weight, after some life changes that made me very sedentary from 30 onwards therefore had 3 decades of good self confidence to fall back on. If you have been brought up in a family that is very weight critical, or larger as a child and bullied then those things are bound to impact your idea of self worth and link it to your weight as an adult.

Also, once you are fat everyday is a 'fat' day so you don't pay any attention to a little bit of bloating which is noticeable when you are a 10 or 12.

My body is a vessel to help me do the things I need to, at the minute it needs some maintenance but that is ok.

MN will judge you far more than the actual outside world does.

Didn't see that thread but honestly I doubt people notice.

Also size is a funny thing. My sister is about your height and weight but a size 16 so we all carry it differently. Just goes to show it doesn't mean much.

Don't ask this question is my advice. Much better to feel confident in yourself. You sound like you look great, dress stylishly, and enjoy your body - why let the meany-faced Mumsnet fatphobics (there are many) loose on your self image?

P.s. I do like the sound of your style - where do you shop?

I think people focus on their own appearance far more than on anybody else's.

For example, if someone hates their nose, I bet they don't have much opinion on other people with similar noses. I really don't like my hair line (very pronounced widow's peak) but I literally pay no attention whatsoever to anybody else's.

I'm not going to lie and say nobody ever judges others for their weight because realistically we all know that some people do. But I don't think everyone on that thread who has opinions about their own body automatically has those opinions about anybody else's.

Please remember that people are intimately acquainted with every part of their own bodies - every squish, every roll, every imperfection. They only see you fully dressed in clothes that suit you. Of course they aren't judging your body - they can't really see it.

I honestly wouldn't think a single thing, the women (well, people generally) in my family and social circle are all shapes and sizes. Larger bodied people are everywhere these days so it's pretty unremarkable.

But if you're inviting me to comment and want honest responses, when I reflect on it I do think size 20+ is big and unless you're a body builder or something must mean you have an unhealthy amount of body fat. Your size tells me next to nothing else about you though, it's just a boring physical characteristic like eye brows or feet.

Most people won’t be thinking about your weight at all. Everyone’s too preoccupied with their own 😂

This.

If I noticed anything, it would your comfort and confidence in your own body which I would really envy.