To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

There was a thread a while ago where poster said slim people were staring at her judgily because she was eating a burger at Waterloo. I found that very hard to believe. Everyone at Waterloo is rushing to catch a train!

I notice people’s weight all the time but I’m well aware that’s my problem. At the moment I’m underweight as I’m recovering from cancer and I’m absolutely dreading any weight gain that may happen in the future.

I don't think about anyone else's weight, only my own. The only reason I might notice is if you were particularly stylishly dressed, in which case I'd think "I wish I looked that good"!

I have huge admiration – and envy! – for people who are happy in their bodies, whatever size. That's the goal.

My takeaway from that thread (if it's the same one you're referring to, anyway) was a bit of a shock about how much headspace their own self-loathing takes up in every moment of every day. They didn't seem to have much room for anything else - joy, contentment, peace - let alone time/space/energy for judging other people.

It was a sad thread for me to read.

This. My BMI is currently 23/24 and I and I am steadily coming down again.

I don't think anything of others. It's me I care about and how I feel in myself.

I don't dress for others either. I dress very alternatively, very black or very loud colours. Things I'd be crucified for in MN land.

I can't help but feel that PPs are perhaps being overly complimentary to try to make you feel good OP. At your size you're not just a 'bigger woman', you're obese. No pinafore dress or body positivity is going to hide that fact. I probably wouldn't really notice you tbh, I don't tend to look at obese women and admire their outfits. But if I saw you eating a fry up in a cafe I probably would think you're not helping yourself.

People are all saying they don't care what other's bodies look like and I don't believe that i'm afraid. I gained a lot of weight after children and people treated me differently, I've lost it again and I am taken more seriously at work and people in the street treat me differently. I'm sorry, but this is my experience. I do also notice people's bodies. I'm afraid to say I judge overweight people even though I have been there.

I wouldn’t think anything at all

I’m a size 12, happy with my body and how I look overall. I’m nearly a stone heavier after having dc 2 last year but my bmi is still in the healthy range, so I’ve not really been in a rush to lose it.

I would be lying if I said I didn’t notice people who were very overweight.
I do notice, the same way I notice someone who is very slim or who has bright orange hair or is wearing a green fluffy bag. I don’t think anything bad, I’m not sure I even think anything tbh but it registers for a few seconds, then I think about something else! It’s just part of daily life.

I don’t give a hoot what a stranger thinks about me, it’s none of my business.

I notice peoples weight but I feel quite self conscious myself generally (at size 14) so I actually assume someone a little larger might be kinder or more friendly. I certainly find them less daunting to talk to. I worry less that they would be judgemental than someone who was very slim.

I’d notice you were big, and might describe you that way if needed. Can’t say it would be anything other than an observation, in the same way you might have brown hair and green eyes.

Given how many overweight people there are now in this country, you would barely register OP. It’s becoming the norm.

For the poster who asked where I shop - can’t find the comment now.
It’s usually Vinted, charity shops and Shein curve! Also Snag Tights.

I think it’s fairly obvious the people who posted on that thread have body image issues.
No need to make it your problem.

Which thread?

I don't know about the thread you're talking about, but one a while ago was really eye opening for me. I'm not fat, but not being fat hasn't been easy. I was absolutely astonished by the amount of hate overweight people have for slim people. I would wonder now, how much you might hate me, if I saw you. If I'm out, somebody is having cake and I'm just having coffee, are they seething with rage at me? As I said, I had absolutely no idea before that thread and didn't think anything if I saw fat people.
So yeah, that's what I'd think now, do you hate me?

If you looked like you were struggling to walk because of your size, or unable to fit into a plane seat or do your belt up, I would feel some sympathy for you but other than that it’s none of my business.

Exactly this. Sorry but it is true.

How I think of it is: would a reputable media outlet take a "stock" photo of me from behind for use in a story about obesity in the general population.

If the answer is yes or maybe, I am perceived as a bigger person.

A size 12 for some people is unhealthy btw. It is for me. I dont believe in health at any size.

I always think I'm heavy even when I'm slim. A close friend of mine is a 20-22 and although of course I notice that she's bigger than me, my primary thought is always "ugh I wish I looked good when I was heavy" because she does always look so good and I look terrible!

Searched online and this is size 22 https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/115897390399517268/

Agree with PP, I think posters are claiming they don't notice anyone's size to make you feel good, but seems unlikely TBH

If I saw someone this size, I would -

(1) feel sympathetic as they're unlikely to be truly happy about their weight

(2) think it's not good for their health

(3) realise it could be for various reasons ie medication

(4) acknowledge that, for some people, losing weight is more complex than "stop eating biscuits"

But I'd definitely notice

I am really sorry but I would be thinking you looked really unhealthy

Threecactusplants · Today 10:25
After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.

See I’m a size 12/14 and commented on the thread, I have a belly that actually looks about 6 months pregnant with love handles to match. When you have tiny size a boobs and an upper half that looks small and legs to match that, you become paranoid(have let it go now as have seen some Ed at my so son’s school and also was miserable cutting out everything necessary to get stomach under control even though it worked). Swimming also taught me that everyone is their own biggest critic.

Edited to add I’d just be thinking god I’d love to have boobs😅

I think about my own weight alot but don't give anyone else's any thoughts. If you were a friend I would admire your confidence but I would feel concerned for your long term health eg cancer & heart disease risk.
I'm now getting to an age where I'm losing friends & a close friend who I always admired for her energy and confidence & self assurance recently died after a nasty & long battle with breast cancer. (She didn't have a genetic risk as far as I know but has been overweight since childhood - size 20 plus which is a big risk factor)