To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

I saw a woman in Tesco last week who was literally bone, it was so sad, her legs were the shape of her bones, it made me think that my body is, though fat, not too bad, but mainly that my mental health is brilliant.

I'm a 16, 5'2. I've been short and fat forever. I've worried about my body on and off, mostly off, less so after seeing that poor woman. I exercise and eat mostly healthy.

I'm overweight by 3 stone, I loathe my body. A year ago I was 4.5 stone overweight.

Do I notice other people, of course I do. I don't really believe people who say they don't notice others. I work with a lass who is 5ft, she looks to be around 6 stone overweight. She is very, very large. To my shame, it is the first thing I notice as soon as she comes in the door each day. I can't help it, I'd also notice if someone my height, 5ft 4, looked to weigh 6 stone.

This! I don't really care about anybody else's weight.
Edited to add, there is a difference between noticing and caring about someone else's weight. I may observe if someone is over or under weight but that is where it stops fot me, why would I care?

OP, you don't say anything about your physical health, just your looks and your sex life. As you get older you may want to consider how your lifestyle (diet and exercise) contributes to joint health, blood pressure, cholesterol, cardiovascular etc. etc.

I feel like I'm always shouting into the void. It's not about looks. It's not about how you feel right now. It's about protecting your long term health and wellbeing.

I think a lot about my own weight but never about anyone else's, unless I notice someone is very far from the norm like a "my 600lb life" kind of size or dangerously underweight.

My own perception would be related to whether your clothing or hairstyle was to my taste. I'd notice your bag and your footwear (I love bags and footwear). I have no opinion at all on anyone's size.

I'd notice posture, positive vibe, facial expression, and how you were interacting with your baby if he were out and about with you.

I care about my own weight so try to stay within a certain range that's healthy for me. I know someone with an ED that's ruled her life for decades and try consciously to be aware of toxic thinking around body perception.

I honestly think it depends on your body/bone shape too, not just weight.

I'm 5ft and incredibly small boned, tiny feet/hands. I look overweight at size 10-12, and slim at size 6, but not particularly slim at size 8.

You are 5ft 7" so I imagine you carry your weight better than someone shorter. Big boobs/bum are desirable, so if you have an hourglass shape you probably look really good at a heavier weight.

People often boil body happiness down to weight, but it's not that simple. Some people look amazing at bigger sizes and some people look bad slim

@GinForBreakfast I completely agree with this and that's why I care less about weight now, and more about mobility, fitness, not puffing when walking, having a good core, and not weighing too much for my frame all contributes to that.

I care less about my wobbly belly and fact my boobs have dropped, no-one gets out of this life alive.

Things that have helped me, and I was very very body dysmorphic as a teen/twenties are losing weight to keep me at a healthy size but not focused on looks (so for me that's around a size 12/14), taking exercise even though I find it boring, buying clothes usually on Vinted that fit me and are nice textures and shapes so I feel confident, realising all my friends are ageing too and none of us have perfect bodies, not even the ones who were slim and conventionally attractive in our twenties. Many of us have health conditions or had hysterectomies and are still enjoying life and want to stay fit and mobile and that is more of a priority than a flat tummy, which I never had anyway!

Honestly, I notice people’s weight but the « first impression » I get is dependent on how they dress.

I know a woman who is quite overweight but wears clothes that fit and are flattering. If you asked me to describe her I would’t think about her weight first. And I would say she is beautiful.

On the contrary, someone with the same body as her but dressed in stretched out leggings, or crop top or clothes that are too small - their weight would be the first thing coming to mind to describe them.

I used to weigh 26st and I was a size 30. My BMI was 55. I'd been overweight and obese for years. Last year I started losing weight and I am now a size 14. I'm 5'9". My BMI is 27. I feel much healthier now, but didn't realise I was unhealthy and unfit before.

This is how our brains work. When I was obese (you are not to that extent), I couldn't compare my health and fitness to anything better. I didn't think about my size. I knew I was fat. Other people knew I was fat. I wanted to be smaller, but it didn't dominate my life. Now I am smaller, have measurements of 40-32-40 instead of 58-48-58, I think about my weight ALL the time. I notice every bump, and consider where I could tone up or lose a bit more weight. The point being, it's a kind of survival thing I think. Mentally, I couldn't have dealt with thinking about something that was SO out of my control when I was SO obese. Now, I'm 'normal' size, it is well within my control and everything is so much more obvious. If I gained 5lbs before, I didn't even notice; if I gain 5lbs now, it feels like 5 stone.

You sound perfectly in proportion. No one is as critical of us as we are of ourselves. Women will focus on their own bodies and even compare themselves to each other; but no one is really thinking about your size when you're mid-size. When you're super big like I was, I think people really do notice and comment, but at that point it's white noise. People do treat me differently now than when I was obese, but remember I was huge. You're not particularly.

What is the breakfast? Like a full English?
Honestly now.... i am slim. I don't really eat sausages, bacon, or croissants etc.
Partly because I actually feel ill from wheat and grease.
But it also reminds me that it keeps me slim not to eat most of the normal fare that cafés offer.

I rarely notice unless you're making me squashed on the train. I'm not keen on close contact with others and not being able to avoid it makes me very anxious.

My weight, I'm thinking about it a lot because I've gained some and I want to lose it. It's less comfortable to walk around etc and I don't like the feeling. I'm also in my 50s and I need to keep fit which is harder with extra weight on your older joints.

Healthy BMI does not mean slim though, : someone at 18.5 is slim, someone at 25 is overweight, so between say 21-25 we are « neither slim nor fat, average ».

I'm a 16/18 5ft 4 and 62 - I dress pretty well I think- I certainly don't think I look horrendous as I've got good boobs and legs and it's kind of spread all over , but yes of course I'm conscious that I could do with getting a bit more off health wise - I wouldn't notice other sizes particularly, unless they were maybe a UK size 26 and over but I notice more an overall 'look'.

Honestly? You’d just blend in. I’m 55. People are generally a LOT fatter than they used to be when I was a kid. When I’m out and about in large groups, I always notice that, to some degree or other. Individuals? Not so much. Not unless they are noticeably huge.

I do notice people's weight in bulk (sorry no pun intended) - I've recently travelled to the UK and I was surprised how overweight people were, including children, because it is quite different to where I live (Sweden).

I normally don't pay attention to people's weight unless it affects me (for instance I'd rather not sit next to OP on a crowded plane).

I have not read the original thread.

She's size 22 American size, which is 26 in the UK, and that is a bit of a fabrication that she's been called out for. She's likely a bit bigger than that.

This a million per cent. I made I thought an innocuous comment well factual where I stated my height and weight and that I had to deny myself to be this weight which was my choice got a snarky „well done“ like I was showing off . It wasn’t a boast it was factual and in answer to those people who think everyone who is slim is so because of fast metabolism/ genes.

would I notice you op, I would, partly because I am bonkers about my weight but I’d also think that’s not good for you and hope that you weren’t overweight because of trauma in your past. So borne out of concern. I can’t believe that anyone chooses to be fat, I’m not saying they don’t I am saying because of how I am I struggle with that as a concept!

Oh god yes when the little boy has the same Moobs and beer belly as their dad. Poor kids.

Ha ha not sure where all the judgy people have gone. Some of the threads on here made me understand that other women judge my weight very much.

I am a size 18/20 and don't really pay attention to other people's weight unless I am having a low day wishing I was slimmer (working on it!). I do wonder what my friends and family think about my weight and feel a bit embarrassed about how I got to be overweight (big portions, pregnancy, lack of nutrition knowledge). I don't pay any attention to what other people are eating while in cafes or restaurants either regardless of their bodies.

People do notice and they do judge, OP, but that is a them problem. You sound fab.

I've lost a lot of weight this year and am actively noticing the return of my 'thinner privilege'.

It has been particularly interesting at my heaviest over the last ten years to observe the shift in judgement on a first encounter based on how I looked to how I spoke. I have a stereotypically 'posh' English accent and speak confidently and articulately. I could see the wheels turn behind their eyes as people would re-evaluate the initial judgement they had made about me once I opened my mouth.

So for me I also don't really notice weight- unless you are in a clinic appointment with me- and I am more bothered about people exercising than how big they are!!
I was 154kg- lost 60kg before my hubby had a brain injury. Since then I put 56kg back on. I have now lost 27.5kg since july- through diet and exercise(and weigh 121kg). However I am obese- but really active and do 7-8hours minimum physical activity a week, eat pretty healthy and am dropping weight seriously. All I notice is how much more energy I have and how I have a wobbly tummy. I do notice though slimmer people who are not physically active and I do judge that more than your weight I am afraid.... (hoping to have lost another 30kg by next summer but its definitely more difficult this time round)...

This. I've had very slim women fret to me about feeling they're overweight, when I clearly am much more overweight (and fine with it). They don't think beyond their own issues. It's part of the fixation with their looks/body image, not a slur or judgement on you/me. Most people think about themselves not other people.

Healthy BMI does not mean slim though, : someone at 18.5 is slim, someone at 25 is overweight, so between say 21-25 we are « neither slim nor fat, average

I disagree with this, most people in the 'underweight' category are beyond slim, towards skinny, and if you look at the eating disorders forums, this is where ED sufferers all want to be.

People in the 'normal' BMI category can indeed be slim, and it's advisable for most to stay in that category or even at the top end/slightly in the overweight BMI if they are older and you look at the mortality stats.