To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

Who really cares though? I am a size 18 and dont really worry. I am an older gal though(50 plus) and have had 7 operations! Fought off Sepsis a while ago had Cancer as well.(got all clear now hooray) surely all that matters is you are healthy and happy?I see lot of "big" girls and think they look great! this fascination of perfect s 10 is mystifying and dangerous .

It's interesting all the posters saying they are slim, think about their weight but not others.

I am often a surprised when someone smaller/slimmer than me moans to me about their tummy/weight whatever. I always assumed it was an odd way of boosting their self esteem to moan to someone who is visibly bigger.

I'm now thinking maybe people just don't think!

Could someone provide a link to the thread referred to. Cheers.

I wouldn't judge, but if it’s a really hot summers day I do feel a bit sorry for anyone very overweight. I hated summer when I was heavier, I just felt so uncomfortable.

I don't give a monkeys what size anyone else is, my friends, family, I'm happy for them if they are happy. The only one is a friend who has told me she wants to lose weight very actively as she has back issues and we've talked about it and I would be happy for her if she succeeded, but as for her being my friend, I don't mind whatsoever and don't think about it.

People are obsessed with their own bodies, looks and weight. That thread proved it, even though with the most conventional bodies are still worried and stressed and upset they might look 'fat' even though they clearly don't in any sense. I used to do the same at age 18, worry about my imaginary stomach. Now I'd kill to have that figure.

As you age, you care less or you stay upset and obsessed, it's kind of choice you have to make as you will not stay exceptionally toned, fit and without any loose skin or wrinkles to age 85, you can't, it's impossible, so I'm much happier now I've accepted that and feel better about my body in my mid-fifties than I did age 18 even though it's less conventionally 'perfect'.

Ps I’d just like to add I know there’s a middle ground but unfortunately over the last twenty years have had a number of dealings with cancer (not my own health), and over 40 you should be aiming for a healthy weight but too little weight and your body has nothing to lose should you get sick. So people should be watching that too

I only take a second look at a person if they are very underweight or very overweight. Too busy worrying about what i look like

I don't think anyone thinks anything, beyond the same way people notice if someone is tall or short.

I think the only time it becomes an issue that people have "thoughts" about is if you make a big deal about it yourself, either constantly talking about fatphobia and how proud you are of your weight or talking endlessly about diets and how badly you want to lose weight.

There was a thread a while back when OP had a close friend who fell into the former category but was developing significant weight-related health issues and she was wondering whether to raise it with her. That's a completely different thing than making judgements about the health or personality of a stranger in a cafe.

People think about their own weight, not others. I am now a size 12, highest I've ever been was a 14 and I was so unhappy - but that's me. I don't care what size anyone else is, doesn't affect my life so I give it no thought.

@stayathomer I agree, it's a fine balance. I think research shows being a small amount overweight but not obese is optimal for life survival longevity, it's called the obesity paradox.

I certainly could survive a bad bout of flu!

This. I have no interest in anyone else's weight except my own.

It's not any of my business what other people weigh, but I suppose I do think it must be very uncomfortable and inconvenient to weigh a lot.

It’s lovely to read about someone genuinely comfortable with themselves. I’m in my 30s and have two young DCs (both large babies thanks to husbands height so do have the dreaded c-section stomach). I’m 2 stone heavier than I was pre DC1 and I find it incredibly hard to deal with. I’ve gone from a size 12 to a size 14-16. I just don’t seem to have a sense of who I am anymore. I can still look nice, dress nice etc. but I’ve had to grieve a body that I can’t get back (I’ve tried, id have to dedicated so much time and effort I just don’t have it in me at the moment).

Does you have any time for self acceptance? I’ve only realised recently how much mental energy it’s consuming.

I’m going to be brutally honest and admit that I always notice a person’s weight. I’ll admire a nice figure/physique (male or female) but don’t think anything badly of a body that is overweight, it’s just that it’s probably the first thing I notice about them. Yes, I know it’s very shallow.

I’m medium build myself, literally size medium (10).

I only care about my weight and I prefer to look skinny but I actually think some curvy women look great. I think different sizes suit different people and are beautiful.

I have, thankfully, never really had body hang-ups and rarely weighed myself so it took me years to actually notice that I was overweight and even longer to want to do anything about it! But I am (BMI 26.5) so I have begun calorie counting for health reasons.

But it's still not really appearance-related - I am far more bothered about other parts of life - this is just my outer casing!

So much is socially determined - where do you stop dieting? The camera adds pounds and I suspect that many women in the public eye who are deemed to be 'slim' are actually quite underweight. I find this photo interesting - click on it to see the BMIs. At 70kg a woman has to be taller than 5'8" to look 'slim', even though several of the women are within healthy BMI.

It’s more that it is hard to judge your own weight - when I was in my teens/early 20s I weighed 45kg (only 5ft so BMI was normal). Objectively I cannot have been fat, but I definitely felt fat (big bum and muscular thighs, which was deemed highly unattractive in the 90s).

I still can’t really judge. My BMI is about 28 now, and if you show me pictures of other women I can’t tell whether I look a bit curvy or really flabby. Dress size doesn’t help because I’m short (could fit in a size 10-12 with a BMI > 30). And different people carry their weight differently depending on bone structure/muscle mass. I really couldn’t care less what other women look like, this is about my own self-image.

Has the originally referred to thread been deleted? If not, it would be much appreciated if someone could link it.

Im very conscious of my own size, a lot less interested in other peoples. I’m also a lot more positive about other people’s appearance/bodies, so I notice friends who are curvier with full busts and think they look lovely. When I’m heavier than I want to be, it’s not in the curvy/hourglass way that is desirable, it’s in a bloated barrel sort of way.

I do notice overweight children and have a feeling of sadness for them, I think barring a severe health condition (intense steroid treatment etc) it’s a cruelty to allow your child to become saddled with issues so young.

Not sure what the other thread is people are referring to.

The majority of people in the UK are now overweight so to be frank if I spent time thinking about / judging each one of them I'd never have anytime for anything else, and as it's the norm I don't even notice anymore to be honest.

But in general I think it's a really negative thing that the majority of people are overweight and that more should be done about it (as a society and individually). It's not an issue that I am personally willing to just accept and say that it's ok.

It's so common to be overweight now that noones likely to think much of it.

I could have written the above. Am a 10/12.
Would add that a friend who is the same height and weight as OP has just been diagnosed with pre-diabetes and has been given a voucher by Dr for slimming classes. She doesn't look 16st, though.

I’ve been bigger (14st) and I’m smaller (8st).
Honestly I don’t think many people really care or think about what other people weigh. The people (myself) that have weight anxiety generally focus on themselves…which is probably why we have so much anxieties about our weight lol

Weight doesn’t mean anything when it comes to people’s personalities. Someone smaller isn’t evil or bigger kinder. People are people and they have bodies…

Although I will say, barring high school, the people who’ve made the meanest comments about my body, have never been the smaller people.

I’m not sure why and I don’t want to generalise. But a theory could be that smaller people are obsessing about their own weight and bigger people are obsessing about other people’s weight or how smaller people perceive them? I don’t know tbh

Actually I just realised that I do notice really skinny people. Everyone else not really…

I'm a bit confused about the point you want to make from that photograph. I would say the women who look slim in it (i.e. the taller women) are the ones who all have the green BMIs.

Which of the women with green BMIs are you saying don't look slim?

For me I think that i just don't hold weight well. I'm an apple shape,skinny wee legs, I have broad enough enough shoulders, no boobs to speak of, weight goes on to my stomach first and I end up looking like a rectangle on sticks. A lot of other people put their weight on more evenly or have boobs to balance things out etc so a someone could be a bigger size than me but I would feel that they look better because of their body shape or that weight suits them. I'm my own biggest critic but rarely think anything much about others weight or appearance. Pretty much the only thing I am likely to notice is if they dress in a way that I like.

If I’m being completely frank, if I knew what you looked like before and compared it to what you look like now, I would be surprised. If I didn’t know you at all, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

I would notice your weight. I notice everybody's weight - particularly anybody who is bigger. I notice super slim people and wish I looked like them and I clock bigger women and think 'she's big'. That's probably the extent of it though, I wouldn't have other thoughts beyond observing the facts in front of me and I don't really think anything about any behaviour linked to weight.

Probably a me issue though - I've always had an unhealthy relationship with body image having been a teenager in the 90s and early 2000s.