To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

I’m your size, OP, weigh a stone more and am shorter at 5’ 5”, but I dress well, and get compliments on my style every week.
I would like to get my fitness back, but don’t really take any notice of what the scales say: even at a younger age and size 10, I weighed 11 stones - heavy bones? Or muscle mass - I dunno, but weight really is just a number…

@Shizzlestix yes I won’t lie to anyone I am far happier now I am no longer obese for many of the reasons you outlined. I will notice people doesn’t mean I judge them. Losing weight is so so hard and very nuanced.

I'm a size 22, and while I'm starting weight loss medication soon because I'm aware of the impact of my weight on my health, I give not one shit what people think of me. I dress well, have plenty of interest from males (not that I care!)

True and BMI is a dreadful way of measuring, particularly when the people I know who go to the gym look defined/fit but weigh more than others and have higher bmis. Weight is just a number but it’s a huge preoccupation of many and other than bmi, there isn’t much else to go on and the numbers on the scale is our usual way of knowing where we’re at.

The numbers made me very unhappy this morning, my groups will tell me to stop worrying but it’s an obsession after a lifetime of being overweight.

A lb 0f fat and a pound of muscle weigh the same. Both a lb. Simply the muscle takes up less space than the fat. BMI works well for most of us, for the simple reason a woman needs to be a very high level athlete to build up enough muscle for it to make a difference.

weights and height directly correlate to bmi, it’s what makes the calculation, and it isn’t set, healthy is between 18,5 and 24.9 for example. A huge variance, Which allows for many different things, be it excessive muscle as you indicate, or a small frame at the other end.

The simple fact that is that for the overwhelming majority of us, if you go below or over that you are underweight or overweight,

But am I not correct in remembering reading that no black people were used when bmi was calculated so it's not a fair representation?

The thing about BMI is that it gives a huge range for healthy weight. I'm 5ft 8 and can apparently be as light as 8.5 stone and I can go up to 11.5 stone.
I've been 8 stone 5lbs. I looked anorexic and my periods stopped for a year! So it definitely wasn't a healthy weight for me.
I've also been 11.5 stone and although this is apparently a healthy weight for my height, I was visibly overweight. I have very little muscle, so all the weight was flab.
My doctor told me it's best to aim for something in the middle. She said the perfect BMI was 22 and it is for me. This is when I look slim and healthy. However, if you're a muscular person, I'd imagine you could go over a BMI of 25 and still be healthy. Surely it's better to measure how much fat you're carrying?

I think that's very sensible. If I went down (currently just over 13st)I think my lowest bmi is something like 9st 10 I'd look like a skeleton. Everyone I've seen recently has told me not to lose more (including my dietician) I've lost 90% of my excess weight. Feel like a new woman! I would like to be in the 12st range and I'm heading there quite comfortably.

I honestly couldn’t say, but I’d assume the huge variation allows for different body types, and when you use the nhs calculator you need to put ethnicity in,not sure if changes it, but for me, at 5 ft 7 , I can be 8stone 7 up to 11 stone 7, and be a healthy weight, so I’m guessing again most people fall within this category, irrelevant of demographic, it is very wide ranging,

Of course you’re a “bigger lady”. You’re class 2 obese. Behind all the kindness and fluff, everybody will observe your physical size.

Its probably best to measure where you're carrying it. I was shocked to learn that a waist size above 31.5 " is risky for a woman, as it a hip to waist ratio less than 0.85. This means if you're a size 12/14 in M&S and apple shaped, its a health risk. And that's a LOT of women. So many people twittering about strain on the NHS and blaming obese people, without taking this into account, and that if that's you in your 30/40s, 'average size', then in your 50s, with a slower metabolism and greater tendancy to store weight in the middle; and at the age when health issues emerge... Suffice to say, we'd probably all do better keeping our minds on our own health, if we feel its so important, rather than that of larger women, who provide a comforting comparison.

Op, when is the last time you weighed yourself?

I admire your body positivity, and that you are married to someone wh0 finds larger women physically attractive, this will help,,but I think you need to think of the health risks.

Start by weighing yourself.

As someone who has recently started their weight loss journey I am acutely aware of the health risks associated with obesity, it isn’t about appearance, or how attractive you feel you are, but about so many other health risks, from obesity being the leading cause of cancer. Through to heart attack , stroke, pressure on joints meaning kneee, hip etc replacements are often needed, through to the level of activity you can do. without putting yourself at risk of a significant event.

looking after our healthy is critical, and you don’t want to wait until you have health issues to sort it.

I don’t really think about my weight. I certainly don’t think about other people’s weights.