To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

I hope that thread doesn’t change how you feel about yourself op, some of these threads can be downright depressing reads I just try and avoid them based on the title.

This is likely true. I’m a 18 - 22 depending on the shop, and what fit I’m looking for in the clothing.

I’d assume people do think judgemental things about me, but the trick for me is to not care what strangers think of my body or choices, because they should mind their own business.

I probably wouldn't even notice you. But if you looked sad and struggling to move about I'd think poor woman I bet she wants to lose weight. However, if you're happy and it's not affecting you then that's your choice. It is in the obese range for your BMI so may end up with issues due to weight. But I am sure if that happens and its weight related you'd work on that.

WHICH THREAD?

I genuinely don't care what other people look like, I don't give it a moment's thought.

I do care about my own weight because I've internalised an ideology where slimmer is better. As a result I like myself much more when I'm slim. I fluctuate between a size 10 and 6. My own attitude depressed me. When I'm happy my self worth doesn't hinge on how slim I am, so I put on weight, so I become unhappy about the weight. When I'm unhappy my weight becomes very important to me so I lose weight, but it doesn't make me any happier, because the weight obsession was a symptom rather than a cause of the unhappiness.

I've explained the thought process to you so that you see that for many women, it's an internalised psychological standard they have for themselves, not for others.

Honestly yes i would notice. Size 22 isn’t just a larger woman - it’s massively overweight.

I don’t care though - it’s your life do as you wish.

I also notice a lot over overweight adults (so not just women) shopping with their overweight children and feel sorry for the children - and also notice how common this now seems to be. Very few people are slim these days.

I'd probably be having a stare at your pinafore. Love a bit of corduroy. I have resting, weight of the world, menopause face so try not to read anything into that. If you could read my mind it would probably be.
Nice cord, I should go back to wearing cord, ok should I ask for de-caff, I could do, but would I sound like a hipster wanker, non hipster wankers drink de-caff too, but would I sound like a fussy menopause wanker who can't handle the buzz, she's got cake, why haven't I got cake, is that a line from Withnail, this isn't the place to have the finest wines known to humanity, I'm not even sure this is the place to have cake, is that the last bit because it's popular or stale, she's eating her cake slowly, if it was that nice would she have eaten it quickly....etc

Sorry if I put you off your imaginary cake with my stream of consciousness, got quite invested

I’m very aware of my size but I don’t think people give a poo about other peoples that much. Unless it was one extreme or another. For example my friend is I would say a compulsive exerciser she looks great but she’s not happy thinks she’s fat etc probs a size 8 now, I’m a 14/16 and she’s like you have great boobs you’ve got a bum curves etc. so she likes it on me/other people but not on herself. I think people are more concerned over themselves than thinking about your size

You carry weight differently when you're taller. My sister is the same height as me but 5 stone heavier. She doesn't look obese (but is on the scales). The weight is spread well and she wears a 16/18. She's an inch taller than you and around the same weight.

I wouldn't notice or have an opinion. As long as you're happy that's all the matters. For me I always notice weight gain when clothes feel snug. It's more about not wanting to replace my wardrobe and also about feeling sluggish than my appearance. So I tend to rein myself in at that point.

Tess Holliday is a US size 22 (so she claims) which is two sizes bigger than UK sizing.

OP, I wouldn't notice you or your body. So many people are overweight now that it's only the super mordibly obese (people who can't walk or move comfortably or take up more than half the bus seat) that really register with me.

If I were you I wouldn't care about how you're perceived. Fundamentally you are happy in your body and you eat how you like. After losing several stone I'm the smallest I've ever been and the most unhappy in my body, and extremely fussy and annoying about food. Life is too short. In BMI terms you are obese, if it starts to affect your health then it's something to think about then, otherwise keep being happy I say

I’m aware of my own weight and size - was obese but unhappy about it so losing weight. Just overweight now!

I notice all sizes and often think how other people feel about their weight, especially when they are big but that says more about me and my own insecurities. I see bigger people looking so confident and think how can they be so confident but that’s because I am very self-conscious and lack confidence due to some issues when I was growing up.

With the insight you've given above I am green with envy and wish I could be more like you.

Without that, honestly, I would assume you were desperately unhappy with your size and on a constant diet.

I am so entrenched in the size = value mindset I find it very difficult to imagine anyone NOT feeling like me.

She's a US size 22. That's a 26 in the UK.

I am 5 foot 10 and size 14, one year ago I was size 18. I refuse to eat in front of people other than family because I feel disgusting. I have said to myself that once I get my BMI below 25 (currently 27) I may feel confident enough to. However I probably won't because I see myself as the obesity equivalent of a recovering addict. Yes I know I have food issues. However, I don't notice other people's bodies. I am sure I am not alone in virtually walking round with my eyes shut.

But it could affect your health going forwards

I don’t judge or think mean thoughts, absolutely not. I am a healthy BMI but I struggle to control my eating and it’s front of mind a lot that I need to lose a few pounds, tone up etc and so I’m mindful of that in the way I live my life. I am definitely in the camp of people for whom maintaining a healthy wait is hard! I have obese parents and I suspect that genetically I am at higher risk of obesity.

On the flip-side, I work in healthcare and spend a lot of time looking at population health data, looking at the economics and the impact of poor health and obesity is a huge problem at the population level - it causes or contributes so much to many health conditions, both long term and acute. So I think about obesity a lot and I guess that affects the way I look around me. I notice it. I find seeing obese children really challenging because I know with some certainty based on data, that their lives will be limited in some way by the health conditions that emerge as they grow up as a result of their obesity. It Is as much a societal problem as an individual one, given the pressure it will put health services and the economic impact of having working age people unable to work through ill health.

Tbh I think most people walk round in their own little bubbles, preoccupied with their own shit and if they notice you at all, it's probably to wonder what you think about them.

We are a self absorbed species 😁

But yes, there will be some who will be thinking negative things. That's nothing to do with you though. There's a type of person who can only feel good about themselves by being negative about others. Fat,thin, tall, short, plain, pretty, it doesn't matter. They'll find something because it distracts them from what they hate about themselves.

I notice other people.
I'm surprised at people saying they dont.
I've just gone from 16 to 14 and edging back to a 12.
When I see people size 20plus. I'm glad it's not me as I know if I didn't do something about my weight I'd go the same way.
There's no denying that size 20/22 is very large.

I work hard to keep my weight down to something I feel comfortable with, and often struggle to do so. BMI currently around 23, which I’m happy with, but I do a decent amount of resistance training, so I’m probably healthier than that looks.

I tend not to look at other people unless they’re struggling, and then it’s with sympathy, or if they’re really fit and elegant and I’m a bit jealous.

I do get jealous when someone is carrying quite a bit of weight, but they still have decent curves and their face looks good. I know if I put on a lot of weight, I would turn into an apple with no chin.

But that's none of your business is it. Just like it's none of my business how much wine you drink or if you clean your worktops properly.

I’m a size 12 and would say that I’m averagely slim. Sometimes I drop to a 10 but usually I sit comfortably at my usual size.

I don’t think anything about anyone’s weight. I don’t judge on weight and it doesn’t make me think negatively about someone. I DO judge people on whether they are polite and have manners though - how people behave towards other people and animals is pretty much the only thing that sways my opinion.

Oh I'm sure that's your big concern when you see a fat person 🙄

I've never been less than a size 12 I think with my wide hips it would be impossible! I need to do more at the minute the stresses of life has meant I'm not exercising as much as I should be and I've slipped into the habit of having a biscuit each day with the afternoon lull.

I'd say at the moment I'm on the bigger end of a 14; my jeans are 16s but a bit big on me but I can't button up my 14 jeans. Maybe I'm a 15! 😂

I'm 5ft9 so luckily being tall my friends and family don't seem to notice or tell me off if I moan about it. But yes, I notice the differences, it's when certain clothes you haven't worn for a while get taken out and they are tight.

Like you OP I'm also a bit self conscious about my emergency section pouch, which was worse when my second DC was born (had to be a section second time due to complications and big emergency with my first it was too risky for me to go natural). What it meant was my scar became more noticeable and the pouch is worse. I also have no feeling on my skin there.

However DH is very complimentary and says I've not to worry. My thinnest was probably our wedding day I was a size 12 and just under 11.5 stone. Now I'm about 12.12 (just under 13 and I think I need to keep an eye on that).

I feel like we are all our own worst critics about weight.

I care about my own weight and make an effort to stay slim, but I don't really think about what other people do, especially if I don't even know them. I suppose if I see a very overweight person I might internally remark on their size for a second, but that's it.