To wonder how I’m perceived as a bigger woman after the previous thread?

[Threecactusplants]

After reading the previous thread about weight and how posters are always thinking about their weight (even when they are size 10 or 12!) which to me is crazy.
I used to be very slim as a child, in my teens and early 20s.
Since having my son I have ended up at a size 20/22. I am consistently that size and have been since he was born 6 years ago.
I don’t know exactly how much I weigh , but it’s around 16 stone and I’m 5’7.
I’m pretty comfortable with my weight, I don’t really think about it much. I don’t think I’m unattractive and I dress for my size. Lots of cord pinafore dresses, tights and boots are my go to. Also wide leg trousers, midi dresses and skirts. I have good boobs and a (big) bum 😂 I have a c section pouch which I’m not keen on, but that’s what comes with a 9lb baby I guess! My DH and I have great sex (sorry if TMI!)

After reading that thread, I’m wondering what people think of me when they see me around, for example I’m in a cafe now, having a coffee and a breakfast. It never bothered me before much; but after reading that thread I’m pretty taken aback!

@clearquote bit more normal than posting over 100 times on MN in one day P.S. made you look.

To be completely honest, I don't think anything about anyone when I'm.out and about! My head is far too busy with my own stuff, I look around and take things in to a minimum degree, like everyone it seems. (Many are just on their phones and notice nothing). Occasionally I may notice someone who stands out, usually because they're being loud or what their wearing stands out, but even then, nano second brain reaction, then back to thinking about a million things! X

At size 20/22 you will be obese and everyone who encounters you will be able to see that, but they’ll all have individual reactions to your obesity. Some will be negative (stereotypes of laziness and gluttony, maybe pity), some positive (curvy, a “real” woman) and some will have absolutely no reaction at all (they’re so focused on other aspects of you/themselves/the world, that your body doesn’t register.)

A BMI of 40+, or 35 with a health related problem, is morbidly obese. The poster is, at best, in the mid-range of obese. That is noticeable. The fact you “wouldn’t think twice” is shameful, and shows how ordinary and acceptable life-threatening obesity has become 😢

My mother in law is polish. She refers to anyone even slightly big as “that great big fat person” or “that fat pig”. Even though I am a 2xl and she doesn’t say it to me but I know she thinks it. She constantly obsesses over her own weight as she has developed a tummy with age. I know she prefers my brother in laws girlfriend because she is a yoga practicing goddess of perfect health and fitness and also tiny and petite.

I never stopped her saying those things till my son (who is dangerously overweight I think and worried about him myself - 6ft 5” and pushing 300lb giant of a guy) got a girlfriend. Who is shortish and plus size but beautiful half Chinese half Cambodian. My mother in law said “she must eat like a pig, I’ve never seen a fat Chinese person before.” It was horrible and I asked her to stop.

i think a lot of people sadly view us larger women this way. I hate my own body and weight but I’m on depression meds that make weight loss super hard. And honestly I don’t feel well enough to try to get thin. I’ve been plus sized ever since my kids were born and it probably contributed to my marriage failing too.

So many people are overweight - I think size 20-22 just blends into the crowd. I would only take note if you were monstrously obese like in US documentaries.

This is awful. I'm sorry people can be such utter twunts.

I read part of the other thread: it was an interesting question, but the answers were depressing to me.

I used to notice other people's body size - women and men - when I was slim and, more relevantly, eating disordered. After I fixed that, I lost interest. It does register when somebody's so obese they can barely walk, or so thin that they're skeleton-shaped. Other than that, I could probably tell you if someone was 'solid', 'slim', 'rounded' or similar, but I'm uninterested in it.

Last week, I met up with a friend who invests a lot of time, effort and money in her appearance. She kept asking if I'd lost weight. I haven't - it never changes - but she always asks. I know that, to her, this is meant to be a compliment and to start a conversation about diets, exercise and the post-menopausal waistline. But I just do not fucking care. Already been there, it's boring and unhealthy.

Just to add - I'm still really interested in fashion, so I do notice if someone is dressed really well and/or interestingly for their body shape. So, in that sense, I will notice when a young woman is fat and has successfully highlighted her curves, or a large older woman emphasises her presence with swathes of luxurious cloth.

I would not notice op. Many people are overweight, I don’t think people really give it any thought.

howver I would get some scales, simply at 15.7 at 5.7 I was a sixteen. So I think possibly for a 20/22, you could be much heavier, it’s important to know for your health.

I have BDD and am constantly comparing myself to others and would likely notice you and clock you ere overweight but I wouldn't judge you for it. People are overweight for lots of reasons and I don't know what they are and it's not my place to judge. Your OP implies you carry your weight well, and I'd also noted they (as some people do (I do not) and feel envious of this and that you probably look more attractive than me. I am sure that your confidence in the way you look would also be apparent and I would be envious of that also.

I agree with this. Obesity has now become the norm, there used to be shame associated with it. I think the term curvy has been hijacked when it used to mean boobs, bum and a waist not fat and overweight. At size 12 I was curvy because I had boobs and a waist. At the size I am now I am fat. I'm overweight and I hate it, I looked good 4 years ago but perimenopause hit me like a truck and I'm struggling to shift the weight (even this year I've put on half a stone).

I think we are doing overweight and obese people wrong by trying to say its normal and healthy to be that size. If they're happy with their size fine but let's not pretend it's a healthy size.

If I see someone that is so overweight that it affects their walking gait then I do have a passing thought about how difficult life must be for them physically and mentally. Otherwise, I don't really pay much attention to other people's bodies.

I am in my mid thirties and have always been a size 8, apart from the few months postpartum with my two pregnancies. I don't think about my weight all of the time but I am aware if I have had an indulgent week and make sure I revert back to healthier habits the following week to prevent weight gain.

I wouldn’t notice unless you were directly in my way. So if someone just stops in a doorway and you can’t get around them, that really winds me up!

Having said that, unpopular opinion though it may be, I do wonder how much the NHS has to spend on obesity-related illnesses.

I found it shocking how many women consider anything above a size 8 as larhe tbh! And envious that so many mumsnetters have wadhboard stomachs!
I bet you look great op.

Actually I tell a lie. I do notice overweight people, as I’ve become over weight I’ve had health issues, high blood pressure etc, and I do now look at extremely overweight people. Or people with a large amount of stomach fat and wonder if they have health issues, high blood pressure, high cholersterol, struggling with breathing and moving, stiff ankles, sleep apnea etc. I often find myself glancing down to see if they have swollen ankles, or at their hands, to see if their fingers are swollen, and rings tight, at their wrist and if their watches are digging in, that kind of thing, as I think very few people get away with obesity and no health issues.

I'm not sure I agree. I think size 16 blends into the crowd. In my opinion size 20-22 is noticeable. However, obviously people are mostly focussed on what they're doing.

Such a BMI definitely isn't unusual these days. I'm guessing that it would be individuals with a BMI around 50 who would stick out.

One of the missed opportunities of the Covid pandemic was that the government didn't start a high profile public project to encourage everyone to get into shape.

One of the missed opportunities of the Covid pandemic was that the government didn't start a high profile public project to encourage everyone to get into shape.

Well they were a bit busy....

I'm not sure I agree. I think size 16 blends into the crowd. In my opinion size 20-22 is noticeable. However, obviously people are mostly focussed on what they're doing.

This will be entirely down to the person and their own perception, I have no idea what a size 16 or size 22 looks like, I couldn't look at someone and guess their size (unless I felt they had a similar body shape to me).

Boris made a vague stab at it. But I can't imagine most people would take any notice.

It would've been more sensible to have regulations and guidance spelling out that people could take as much ourdoor exercise as wished, including time spent resting so as not to exclude pregnant women, elderly etc who might need it. Instead, we did our lockdown in a way that actively mitigated against exercise for a lot of people. Lo and behold, we emerged from the pandemic heavier on average.

And the thing is with everyone saying obesity is the norm, so is very thin if you're watching any tv, or films, or looking at large areas of social media or marketing. I'm really not sure I am so used to obesity that I ignore it, I feel like I am belt fed slimness an awful lot, I feel I have lost sight of what is a normal slim body. My BMI is currently 22 I think it is, I am in size 8 and 10 clothes (but can still fit in 12 too, big chested) I know logically I am healthy and "normal" whatever that is, but when I look in the mirror all I see is the extra little bit of weight I know I don't need to be carrying, and I'm actually more obsessed about that from a health point of view than vain (mindful I'm 30s so it's only going to get hard to maintain/lose weight)

Sorry slight tangent but was a bit baffled by the "blind to obesity" comments when a society we know we are shown an awful lot of the opposite as well.

I think that’s quite unusual to be honest, most women know their dress size and can tell if someone else is say the same or two or three sizes bigger, to not be able to tell the difference between someone who is a 16 and someone who is a 22 would be minority I think,

I was on the thread and I was obese and now I am slim. No I don’t judge - there are lots of reasons why people gain weight but I might notice if it affects someone’s walk or mobility. Generally it has become normalised so mid range obesity is not really as noticeable, the extreme end of BMI 40+ is more unusual and obvious. My DP’s family have a tendency for super morbid obesity and it is distressing to see them struggle to walk and breathe and it affects their quality of life very seriously. I still do not judge them but I notice and I feel empathy for them as it’s very difficult

@Bossygal I don't see why it's that unusual if I've mostly been a 10 all my life, I'd obviously notice one woman is bigger than another but I'd never be able to say she's a 16 and she's a 22, I haven't a clue what size is normal for those sizes, especially considering how height, shape and shop has such an impact. It makes sense when you think of those bizarre threads where a woman has posted a picture of herself and the sizes people are massively vary.

*sorry as in asking what size people think they are, those threads.

I’ve gone from a size 26 to a small 14. According to a post I read months ago, this is fat. Obviously I look at others and have opinions, I think it’s a bit disingenuous to say you don’t make judgements or really think about size on seeing others.

Even at my biggest, I thought ‘plus size models’ was not ideal. I get that bigger people need to have an idea of how clothes might look on them, but it’s not great (imo) to have overweight models/influencers saying how they’re healthy, fit, love the size they are.

I was very unfit/unhealthy/heading for a mobility scooter at size 26 (exacerbated by a very serious accident) Nobody can truly be ‘happy’ at that size, even buying clothes is a minefield and the paranoia of what others are thinking (ha, the irony) is constant. Looking at the various weightloss groups to which I belong, every single person is happier with their smaller size. 🙂