To go off sick the rest of the year and then resign?

[sometimesiwantto]

I am having a hard time and feel like I’m being totally screwed over by everyone but the worst thing is I know it isn’t deliberate, it’s just sort of how things have worked out.

I have two children, one preschool and one toddler. They are lovely children but obviously since they are so young they are very demanding and I don’t get a break with them.

I work three days a week. On the three days I’m in work I take them to nursery and pick them up. I then have the evening ‘shift’ after nursery because DH just doesn’t get back until after 7, and they are usually in bed or close to it by that time. He also leaves in the morning before nursery opens so can’t take them. This is because of the distance. Our jobs are demanding and mine isn’t any less so because I’m part time. On Fridays DH works from home but there isn’t a dramatic difference in my stress levels to be honest.

We are arguing, stressed, think both thing the other has it worse. There are DIY things that need doing around the house DH complains he has no time to sort, likewise I complain I have no time to do any housework.

I keep feelings as if things have to change and I just don’t know what to do. Leaving work seems very short sighted but I don’t know how we’ll survive otherwise to be honest

“go off sick”

do you mean get signed off?

on the basis of what? needing to do DIY and arguing with your husband?

You’d have to resign rather than go off sick.

Why isn’t your DH helping with childcare and nursery pick up / drop off?

I don't think having two under 5s all the time is going to make you less stressed.

Why can't your DH WFH one of your work days so he can do the nursery runs those days?

How does your DH feel about it? Would you struggle for money if you stopped working? I think you need to sit down and discuss how to manage this stressful period of your lives and get on top of the DIY and housework. If you stay at work can you afford to have a cleaner come once a week and some tradesmen in to sort the DIY tasks? Or perhaps you have a handy friend, sibling, grandad, etc who could give you a hand? But I think YWBU to unilaterally decide 'Right, that's it, I'm quitting!' without agreeing that that's the best way forward - at least for the time being.

Giving up work is radical and it’s the more long term implications that are an issue. I would say do not go off sick it is unfair to your colleagues. Your DH could do drop off and pick up on Fridays at the very least. You are currently in competition over who is more miserable. Any chance of some DIY and cleaning being outsourced or is it a money issues?

No you can’t just go off sick. To be honest this sounds like normal life with young children. Maybe the problem is you just don’t get on with your husband. Just cut yourself some slack and do the minimum housework. This won’t last forever

Are your kids in nursery on your days off?

I'm sorry you're going through difficult times but thinking this gives you the right 'to go off sick' is just piss poor thinking.

Sadly I think a very large number of people think this way and they make life difficult for people who genuinely need sick leave.

I think your husband flexi is hours or days would help more. What you describe is certainly more than I could handle and I sympathise. But surely your husband doing nursery drops offs or picks up on those 3 days would help more? So he starts late or leaves early on those 3 days? I get him to talk to his manager or put in s flexi working request.

And do whT? Just be at home around family which is the cause of her stress in the first place? Have zero identity other than ‘mum’. No way. DH needs to step up more or she needs to use childcare an extra day to get things done.

Doesn't sound like the job is the problem

I was expecting this to be about your employer treating you poorly. Sounds like the problems lie at home, so it's not fair to your employer or colleagues to lie about illness.

What about your colleagues who have to pick up the slack while you are off 'sick', and they can't employ anyone else until you formally resign. It's unfair. Resign now and perhaps look for a less demanding job.

But yeah, quit if you want (although it sounds like you will then officially become default parent, DIYer and cleaner...do you want that?

But don't go off sick, you're not sick. Just resign if that's what you decide.

I have a really small organisation and if people go off sick because they want more time it's not taking money from fat cats, it's using up all the spare resources.It is stopping us providing services to vulnerable people and stopping us giving all colleagues a pay rise next year.

Pathetic. Resign if you hate the job. Don't make up sickness to sponge off employers and the state.

The issue is that if I resign I can’t leave until the end of April. I honestly don’t know if I can last that long. I’m crying all the time, my temper is awful, I just feel on the edge to be honest.

You have 4 days at home a week and presumably DH has 2 (non working) days? Are the children in nursery? or when will they start?

This honestly just sounds like the majority of families with young children and most of your issues are within your relationship rather than caused by your part time job.

You and DH are not working as a team, instead of trying to win a game of 'who has it worse' have you tried sitting down and talking about what you can do, together, to try make things easier for both of you?

So you complain you’re being “screwed over” but in turn want to screw your own company over by going on the sick when you’re not even ill. Funny that.

But you aren't sick.... If you agree with your DH the best thing to do is resign, then do that. You don't need to screw over your company who presumably have been relatively flexible with child sickness etc for 2 months of sick pay - there is no need.

Life with young kids is incredibly stressful, it won't be any less so because you aren't working. Id look at another day of childcare when you are both at home/WFH to pick up the odd bits of Diy through outsourcing and spend some time together, look at getting a cleaner even fortnightly will massively help etc.

Quitting your job puts you in a desperate situation further down the line. As a minimum your DH would need to pay your pension and NI contributions for as long as you were unemployed.

Can you get into a better routine? When my two were little I worked full time as did DH but our home routine was military. It's boring and dull but it works. Up early to clean house/get kids sorted, nursery drop off, work then home for dinner, bath, book, bed leaving the evenings for a few small chores and dinner with DH. It's really hard. It does get easier

I think there’s a halfway house here. Phone in sick with something like tonsillitis and take a week off, send the kids to nursery and have 3 days to yourself. Recoup, then see how you feel.

Of course you should not “go off sick” in these circumstances. What on earth made you think that was a plan? Resign or look for another job, talk to DH, take ownership off the situation and make some positive changes. Don’t be a passive bystander in your own life. Change it for the better. And not by fraudulently “going off sick”.