To go off sick the rest of the year and then resign?

[sometimesiwantto]

I am having a hard time and feel like I’m being totally screwed over by everyone but the worst thing is I know it isn’t deliberate, it’s just sort of how things have worked out.

I have two children, one preschool and one toddler. They are lovely children but obviously since they are so young they are very demanding and I don’t get a break with them.

I work three days a week. On the three days I’m in work I take them to nursery and pick them up. I then have the evening ‘shift’ after nursery because DH just doesn’t get back until after 7, and they are usually in bed or close to it by that time. He also leaves in the morning before nursery opens so can’t take them. This is because of the distance. Our jobs are demanding and mine isn’t any less so because I’m part time. On Fridays DH works from home but there isn’t a dramatic difference in my stress levels to be honest.

We are arguing, stressed, think both thing the other has it worse. There are DIY things that need doing around the house DH complains he has no time to sort, likewise I complain I have no time to do any housework.

I keep feelings as if things have to change and I just don’t know what to do. Leaving work seems very short sighted but I don’t know how we’ll survive otherwise to be honest

I know this is a late contribution, but here's an idea of what might be "wrong" with you - you're simply experiencing burnout. Does the idea of "long term stress leading to exhaustion, negativity and loss of capacity" ring any bells?

Look it up. See if you can find some helpful resources or forums. Emily and Amelia Nagoski's "Burnout: The secret to solving the stress cycle" is good if you like books.

Take a look at https://www.burnoutcounselling.com/post/the-path-out-of-burnout for examples of how the negativity of long term stress can feed into personal relationships, which of course simply ramps up the stress.

Good luck. Be kind to yourself.

I'm sorry that you are feeling so stressed, which unlike others on this thread have made out out, is a reason to go off sick if it is having a significant impact on you. You have to do what feels right for you and your family. Obviously, there could be consequences if you go off sick. There are financial implications and you will have to explain this to future employers which may be a it of a challenge. Therefore, first, it may be better to speak to your employer, explain how you are feeling, and try to find a way to make your job less demanding. However, yours and your family's health and wellbeing should come before your job, and if you are really struggling to cope and it is having an impact on your mental health, then there is nothing wrong with going off sick.

Please don’t do this. My husbands work colleague did this and he got lumbered with all their work and because they didn’t hand there notice in till after sick leave ran out they couldn’t employ anyone else.

You’re putting a lot of excuses in the way as to why things are the way they are. This is the problem. you’re not willing to changing anything. Personally I’d start with your husband picking up more. Drop offs as a minimum. He gets to hold onto to his work freedom while you struggle through. What sacrifices has he made in his work life to accommodate family ? Everyone does it, unless of course they are the sole breadwinner. Which he isn’t.

It isn't the job that is making her sick though. why should her work colleagues suffer and potentially be sick themselves from having to do her work just because her DH won’t pull his weight?

@wombat15 It sounds like it is a combination of everything. You can't go off sick from your family, so it is inevitably work that has to give. People go off sick all the time; it's up to the employer to make sure the additional workload is managed fairly. The sick person shouldn't have to stress about how their sickness will impact other colleagues. No one should feel they have to push themselves to breaking point or be made to feel guilty for having to take time out to recover their mental health.

It would be a bit shit of you to get singed off work with the intention of not returning. If you are going ro resign, just resign instead of milking your workplace for all is worth financially and letting your colleagues pick up work that you don't have any intention of returning to. They can recruit if you resign and can't if they think you're coming back.

Just to say ignore anyone being judgemental about you going off sick. Saying you’re not sick. It sounds like mentally you are not managing. That’s is a kind of sick and you are absolutely within your rights to take some time off. Go to your GP, talk about your MH, take some time off and then once you’ve had that breathing space I’m sure you’ll be able to come up with a more practical solution than quitting altogether.

You can't go off sick from the family but in the case of DH's you can insist they pull their weight or leave.

@wombat15 I imagine leaving her partner at this stage would make things even worse. She would then be a single mum having to cope both financially and with all the demands of parenthood and work.

Reading her posts, it sounds like she needs a break so that she can recover her mental health and make significant decisions such as leaving work or giving her partner an ultimatum etc. with a clear mind.

It's quite sad to see so many posters on here dismissing stress and mental health as 'not sick' and being so unsympathetic to a situation like this. Breaking up the family unit could have far more serious implications for her and her children compared to taking some time off sick to re-evaluate how to navigate work, family life and mental health.

People have had nervous breakdowns in situations like this. I know from personal experience how important it is to take some time out when you are feeling so stressed and overwhelmed. I really hope the OP ignores all the posters advising her that it is normal to feel like this and she should just carry on, or worse still, consider leaving her husband. I wish she had sought the advice of her G.P. rather than turning to Mumsnet, which as always, is full of unsympathetic and irresponsible responses that will likely make her feel even worse about her situation.

When you have young children, it is even more important to prioritise your mental health. Work can manage without an employer, but young children need a mother who is not stressed, overwhelmed, losing her temper, and feeling 'on the edge' all the time.

You are only working 3 days … you are not at work for 4 days. Come on 🤦🏻‍♀️

How is this at all helpful? When you are experiencing stress, burnout and poor mental health, even the smallest things can feel overwhelming. She isn't just working three days a week, she also has two pre-school children, a demanding part-time job and is obviously finding life a huge struggle at the moment.

There is such poor understanding of mental health on this thread and there are far too many posters on here who seem intent on making the OP feel inadequate, guilty and even more crap.

It's really sad and quite worrying to see someone who obviously needs some support, come on here and get judged and criticised by so many people. It's one of the reasons I will never post on Mumsnet for advice.

The saying 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' springs to mind when reading all these comment

Yet ok to get signed off and put pressure on everyone else because she needs to do her housework.
People like this that give mental health issues a bad name unfortunately.
Many people will 🙄 at this.

@BuildbyNumbere your response to me demonstrates a real lack of awareness of mental health issues. The OP has said she is constantly crying, short tempered and feeling on the edge. These things strongly indicate burnout and mental health struggles. She has also said she is struggling with everything; work, housework, parenting, her relationship. These things again strongly indicate issues with mental health, stress and burnout.

It's very simplistic and patronising of you to imply that she just wants to go off sick to do her housework. To me, her posts come across as someone who is feeling so desperate and overwhelmed with life that she feels she has no choice but to go off sick and then leave her job: a huge decision that will impact her financially and professionally. She says she is struggling to such an extent that she does not feel able to work her notice to April. Simply walking out on a job is professional suicide, so I can completely understand why she is considering doing it this way. However, hopefully a period of sick leave will enable her to rest, recuperate and reset, and will help her avoid doing something as drastic as leaving her job all together.

Your comments, like many others on here, are hugely irresponsible. When someone discloses that they are constantly crying and feeling on the edge, belittling their experience, telling them they have no right to feel the way they feel, and making out that they give people with mental health issues a bad name, could pressure that person into staying in a very harmful situation, put them off seeking professional help, and ultimately end up pushing them over the edge!

Your children are a shift? You only work 3 days out of 7? You have no time for housework or DIY?????? You are being unreasonable - get a planner/time table and stick to it. A lot of mums work full time and juggle the same.

agreed

It’s ridiculous … she works 3 days out of 7.
What burn out?!?!
People doing a LOT more than this!!
Little sympathy I’m afraid and this is the general consensus on this thread!

Again, a complete lack of awareness of mental health and a massively oversimplified view of stress and burnout. There is so much more that can affect a person's emotional wellbeing and resilience than how many days they work per week.

So because the majority of other people aren't sympathetic we've effectively held a vote and decided that the OP should be fine?

There's a word for this level of intelligence. It begins with s and ends with tupid.

Yes hence the poll vote at the top!

🤣🤣🤣

I was in a similar position with a 5 and 1.5yo and a husband working a very high pressure job climbing the ladder. My job was quite high pressure and I felt like I was constantly rushing. Rushing to get kids to nursery in the morning then rushing to get to work then rushing to finish work then rushing to pick kids up then rushing tea and rushing bed etc etc. The mental load was enormous too. My husband was on a trajectory to much higher salary than I could ever achieve (even without having kids!) so we made the decision for me to finish work and concentrate on one thing (parenting) and being better at that. Once both kids were in school I went back to work and it’s so so so much better/easier. Husband was in a more senior position and so able to be more flexible. I was able to be picky with returning to work. If you can financially survive, it might be worth it. Although maybe not going off on stress? I’d hand in notice and although a long notice, the knowledge that you’re outta there soon will make you feel so much better!!!

I’m not sure what’s funny here. You clearly lack emotional intelligence.

No just sick of freeloaders … oh I’m burnt out … let me give up work and go on universal credit because I can’t afford my bills, someone else will have to work to pay for my kids.
Maybe you are one of them as you are so passionate on this subject.
Very easy to resort to insults when you have no further argument … you know nothing about me, maybe it’s you that lacks EI.

I’m very sorry that other peoples misfortune and poor mental health evidently impacts you so much. Perhaps you should take some time off and become a ‘freeloader’ yourself, you sound very unhappy.