Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

You are the unreasonable one here.

You have sex next to your sleeping 3 year old?

IMO your child needs to be taught to sleep in their own bed.

That you have sex while your child is in your bed is really inappropriate IMO.

WTF and YABU.

Yes ! That is a major safeguarding concern

YABU.

Have you had sex next to your sleeping child?

I know it feels a long way off but if you don't start moving DC out now, they'll still be there at 10. I didn't let it go til 10 but I really created a rod for my own back.

Please don't tell me you're having sex in the same room as your three year old 😫

Your husband is being entirely reasonable to want to have sex in his own bed.

It goes without saying (or not, apparently?) that this should never happen with your child in the same bed.

Op didn't say they have sex with the toddler there, she said there's other places they could have sex (sofa or spare room)
However I still think sh is right

You are obviously being unreasonable. He doesn't want sex on a schedule on your sofa, he wants it in your and his marital bed? Your kid has their own bed. Sort yourself out.

YABU

So what I did was settle my kids in their own beds from about the age of 2. Then at the first wake up they'd come in with us, by 3 they would typically toddle in to us (might take a few weeks for this to be established) meaning very little disturbance in the night for me. DH could go and get them if they were calling. Then we'd cosleep for the rest of the night. This meant couples time in bed at the start of the night was a possibility. However I do think your DH is being quite inflexible. Editing to say that it has reduced over time so this approach means cosleeping won't last forever. My 9 year old hasn't come in with us for years unless she's sick in the night. My 5 year old often sleeps through but will have phases of coming in with us at some point in the night, averaging every other night. I love it when she does as I know it won't last forever. DH a bit less keen but will get up and sleep in her bed on occasion if she's disturbing him.

Wow. You’re totally wrong. In every way.

And you really need to teach your child to sleep in his own bed. It’ll be a difficult first few weeks because you’ve allowed this to go on, but he will get through that and start sleeping properly.

Thank god your husband objected to sex with your sleeping child in the bed. That’s… that’s abuse.

Having sex in the same room as any child over 6 months raises red flags with social services. In the same bed as a 3 year old? You're being very unreasonable. I say this as someone who co slept with my kids until they in double figures.

I think (hope) the OP means they don’t have sex when the LO is in the bed not that they have been doing. Could you make the second bedroom nicer, clear it out and make it cosy and appealing so you can spend time there in the evening? I wouldn’t stop co sleeping if you want to and you are the one having to settle your child otherwise

🤭 I'm still sharing a bed my 5.5 year old, but im single and very sexless so its alright 😅

Your child needs to be in their own bed and at 3 years old I think your DH is very much entitled to his bed back!! Honestly it sounds like you won’t cut the cord..

My stepson will currently only sleep in his bed, with an adult. He won’t sleep in ours, or with both of us. So we do the middle of the night crossing of the landing.

It is absolutely destroying our intimacy, and causing absolutely no end of tension. Everyone, apart from him, is sick of it.

Your husband is being completely reasonable, teach your son that his bed is for sleeping in.

The OP specifically said that her husband has objected to sex with the child in the bed, meaning that she has tried that or suggested it and he has had to say no. She has then come up with alternatives which are just stupid. But if he had to actually voice his refusal to sex next to the child then it means she actually tried to do that.

Seems quite ridiculous to be co-sleeping with a 3 year old and you are making a rod for your own back. Where does it end? 5, 6, 7 years? The longer you do it for the harder it is to undo, its kicking the problem down the curb and solves nothing.
Heck, I'd wonder at anyone who could think sex was a possibility with a 3 year old in bed. You are going to have marriage issues if this carries on. You've taken the path of least resistance now for more hassle in the future. A bad idea to have started this 6 months ago, it wasn't the answer.

I'm with your husband. A 3 year old isn't a baby and needs to be in their own bed.

Omg op. What is wrong with you. Put your child in their own bed and have a normal relationship with your husband.

You think it’s ok to have sex next to your three year old? YABU doesn’t even come close to how wrong this is.