Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

Team DH YABVVU. Your DC needs to learn to sleep in their own bed.

As an aside, I'm taking umbridge that the child is considered just your problem op, not both of yours. He needs to be more practical and figure out how to settle his kid so he can help you and he part of a solution that works for you both. Perhaps explain that if you're back and forth to the child all night then you won't be wanting sex either.

Why does OP's wishes automatically trump DH's wishes? It's his bed too.

Everyone in the bed needs to be happy with co-sleeping.

Co sleeping is fine. Having sex in the same bed as your cosleeping toddler is not. If you want sex, you're both going to need to have a grown up conversation to work out when that can happen. Without your child in the bed.

Wild animals sleep with their young, wild animals... care more than your DH.

Sex in any other room except one bedroom, that's the offer you've put forward.

The priority is the child's needs over his wants.

Jesus H Christ, wtf is wrong with some of you?!!! Eldest co-slept until just over a year and a half. DH and I managed to have sex by throwing a rug/duvet over the side of the cot so we could hear any awakening! When I was pregnant with DC2, his snoring drove me over the edge and I also suffered from tendinitis from 17 weeks so he was despatched to the spare room whence he remains 26 years later lol!

DC1 was only moved out to accommodate DC2 who slept by my side until 4 years old. As I said when I told a horrified relative, DH and I did manage to escape sometimes... sex in the living room, sex in the kitchen, sex in the shower, sex in the spare room... We even managed to conceive 3 more times after DC2, shock horror. Sadly we lost the first two of those pregnancies but went on to have DC3, who co-slept with me until coming 5, having breastfed until 22 months.

And all three of them moved out to their own rooms when we were ready, and never looked back!

You are absolutely right to take the path of least resistence in terms of how you get the most sleep! That was my ethos too. And DH never had to get up to feed babies in the night because I breastfed so I was bloody well owed that sleep!!

Stick to your guns and tell your DH to get more creative. Our next door neighbours used to have a camper van in their drive and we used to hear it it rocking and moaning rofl!!

Batshit alert

At 3 I think a child should be in his/her own bed and room. Perhaps not suddenly though.

Our youngest used to like starting off in our bed but would understood that we’d transfer her to her own bed and room when we came to bed.

We have a 3 yo in our house. Not ours - Ukrainian guests son. If he saw parents having sex in bed with him we’d all be hearing about it in detail, teddies would be shagging, questions asked, statements made. All at the most embarassing, inappropriate moments.

When your decide that he should be in his own bed you may have a rough few days - but stick with it. You are in charge - or should be.

You're being unreasonable.

You are being very unreasonable. He's right for not wanting to have sex in random places. And I don't blame him for not liking co sleeping.

Wild animals also eat their young so...

You probably had this experience because you breastfed til your child was 2yo. I think many mums don't experience the natural night time bond in toddlerhood that breastfeeding reinforces. People find it weird that a 2yo sleeps with their mother but they definitely wouldn't if they experienced breastfeeding til 2 and beyond.

It is not the norm here in the western world where the op is.

YABU

I have totally sympathy for DH. It’s not a normal set up to have a 3 year old sleeping in bed with you as a couple and I think it shouldn’t have got this far.

It doesn't matter. I only moved my DS to his own room because he was due to start school and I didn't want him saying that he slept with his mum. And he moved into his room and never looked back! I still haven't reinstated DH because we'd both kill each other for snoring! Doesn't mean we can't still have sex!

I remember when I was young, having a friend who was 5 and slept between her parents. I thought it was weird then and I think it’s weird now.

Wild animals sometimes eat their young too. Unless DH likes the odd midnight snack on said 3 year old, I think he wins this one.

Urgh… what’s wrong with people? It’s ok to sleep with your children (as long as no one is doing anything they should just be doing in private). When it stops working you can teach your children to sleep in their own beds, which requires 100% determination from you OP and may take months. My DS sleeps separately from 3.5 years old. He was happy and secure to leave our bed to go sleep on his own when it was time. We all loved morning snuggles. Sex can happen anywhere else in the house (even on the kitchen counter! Shock/horror!) depending on where the desire strikes. I personally go to bed to sleep so if my head hit the pillow - that’s it! lol

Separate beds is where it's at! This is exactly what we did and do.

I imagine that you both were and still are happy with the setup though. That's the issue, it only works if both parents are happy with it.

Not the case with OP and her DH.

YABU.

I think it’s this part of the OP posters are zooming in on: “”DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed””

That statement makes it sound like OP has suggested it while the child is in the bed which would be completely inappropriate.

YABVU.
Shame you didn't do a poll, save you counting through the thread.

I feel for dh here.

Nope, you don't need to bite the bullet and imo, it was best to leave settling in their own room until they were ready, because there never was any back and forth, certainly with all of my three, they just moved and that was it! They did still for years come into bed for a snuggle on a Saturday and Sunday morning. I don't know when or how that stopped. I miss it, and they're all grown up!

No wonder some men feel pushed out once children arrive.

Why can't she co sleep in the spare room?