Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

Some marriage!

YABU.

Your 3 year old needs to be in their own bed. It’s really sad when you became a mother you just totally stopped being a woman and a wife too. YABU big time.

I don’t support OP, I think everyone should be back in their own beds. As I mention earlier, we’re currently trying to stop co-sleeping, and it’s horrendous. I completely understand why her DH would like his bed back, I’d like my partner to be able to stay in ours.

It is teamwork, but for me step one of that teamwork involves a transition out of cosleeping.

Because it's his bed too. Kicking him out of it shouldn't be an option and certainly isn't teamwork either.

Part of the agreement could be DH agreeing to work together to sleep train or at least start 3yo out in his own bed so they can have a few hours alone in bed together.

He's the one refusing the sex. He will only have it in one spot and only at one time of day. Boring!

Of course it's his bed. But it's also his child and he is currently taking no responsibility for the sleep training and withholding sex until his wife figures it all out on her own.

And you wonder why he is fed up? Most men would be thoroughly pissed off to be kicked out of their bed and sex on hold because you refuse to train your child to sleep in his own bed and put your excessive attachment to your child above your marriage.
Sex is a normal and healthy part of a marriage.

Is everyone forgetting that the child is his too. It's like the 1950s in here.

Of course it’s his. And he wants the child out of the marital bed, and settled in his own. Perhaps would help bring that about. But wife is blocking that from happening.

OP said that DH can't settle his child, not that he won't. I suppose it depends on how that goes. Does he make a half hearted attempt before leaving it all to OP or does OP jump in and take over before DH is given a chance to settle him? It's impossible to say unless OP comes back.

It sounds like he's never approved of co-sleeping so may be annoyed because of that too.

I agree. The biggest mistake I ever made was co sleeping. Sure the little face and cuddles are sweet. But then you get a child who doesn't want to sleep alone, you feel touched out, and you don't sleep well. I'm sure some people don't have these issues but I did. At 14 my dd still shows up in my room from time to time. I hate it.

So?

Something being the norm doesn't mean it's right does it?

You and your son should sleep in the spare room and you visit your husband for sex. That way it’s fair.

If he's not able to settle his child then he needs to work on that. Maybe then they can sleep train between them?

It's mad that everyone is putting this parenting problem all on the woman of the relationship, while poor incapable Dad just provides criticism and punishment. Why is that okay?

Maybe because the child's mum is happy to still co-sleep with her child? I was. I bloody loved it.

first, I would say it’s time to stop cosleeping. At this age, they really need to be settling themselves back to sleep.

if you’re adamant not to do that, then I would settle toddler to sleep in a double bed in his room/spare room. Then when he is asleep, go to bed with your husband in your room. Have intimate time as desired.

on toddler’s first wake up, you can then move into toddler’s double bed, and it is just one wake up and move in the night.

Bollocks. I co-slept with all three of mine. They moved into their own rooms aged 18 months, 4 years and nearly 5. They never looked back and I regret nothing!

Absolutely, I can agree there.

Maybe because it sounds like it's an issue OP started? It doesn't sound like he ever wanted it and 6 months later, he is still unhappy and probably feeling resentful it ever started in the first place.

Despite that, it is something that they need to manage together.

But the OP doesn't want to sleep train. She loves co-sleeping with her child.

That’s fair enough but we’ve currently got a (SEN) 8 year old who won’t sleep longer than 2hrs independently, and last week’s attempts at changing that provided 4hrs of sleep in 48hrs.

He very much is looking back, and there are lots of regrets.

I’m sure it does work for some people, but if OP’s husband is one of those it doesn’t work for, I don’t see why he automatically has to be wrong.

You are totally unreasonable. This co-sleeping nonsense must surely be the death knell to any relationship.
Your child is three years old. Time for their own bed/room.

if it helps, dh moves our 2yo in with her 6yo brother for us to have the bed for sex. It never worked well when we moved her to her bed, but tuck her up with her brother and she’s good for a few hours

And I wouldn’t dream of having sex with her in the bed!!

Well your SEN 8 year old surely takes priority over your horny husband?

My H is so far from being an 'enlightened' husband but even he was happy for me to co-sleep with our children long-term and our sex life was fine! There are compromises to be made. I don't think either of us would change a thing.

Rubbish!

I co-slept for varying times with all three of our children. We have been married for 34 years and have been together for 39 years, soon to be 40 early next year. He's far from perfect, god knows, but he put our children first, and so did I!