Birthday card by 8 year old

[Createausername1234]

hello, hope all are keeping well.
It would be great to know others' experience please so that I know I am not overthinking.
My birthday was yesterday. We have been married for 12 years and in the last 2 years DH has put in effort to cook nice meals, get a cake etc. which is really nice(my husband was not a very thoughtful person, he has been working really hard to change that nature which is really good). Our DD(8) seems to be so excited during the days leading up to my birthday. However, even after several reminders from my husband, she did not bother making a card for me.

However, there are things she gets so excited about e.g. she was supposed to take something to school (to match her friend) and she reminded herself to do it.

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card.

How would you approach it? Should I just let it go? I can be an overthinker, so I am confused.

She’s 8!!!! You are going to have a massive shock when she hits puberty if you are worried about her attitude towards things now!

To say you won’t be doing anything nice for her now is beyond childish! Again…..she’s 8!!!

Just incase you didn’t hear me….. she is fu*king 8!!!!!!!!!!! This is not a her problem this is a husband problem!

This is a partner issue not child issue.
Do you normally prompt your daughter to make him a card? Or does she automatically do it herself? Maybe if she does do it without prompting then it would have been worth saying something about her forgetting you, but otherwise she is a child!

Not sure why having 3 parties is mentioned. That again is a separate issue. If you want to do 3 parties rather than 1 that is your choice and I am sure your daughter would cope if told she was only having 1. Sounds like you want to make it all about you.

Really?? 🤣🤣 She’s 8 … you are an adult! Time to grow up.

Genuinely one of the worst OPs I’ve ever read on MN. A mother threatening to punish her 8 year old daughter and make no further effort for her because she didn’t make her a birthday card. Wtaf?!

You put in less effort for her bday because of this?! OP you either have issues or need to grow the hell up. FML what an awful thing to do. Educate yourself on childhood development

This!!!!! Can’t be real surely

In one way I would agree with you but this site makes me think there are people with serious issues around so who knows?

My DD will remember lots of things but wouldn’t be going out to buy me a card etc as DH would sort that!! You’re being totally unreasonable.

She’s 8

You absolutely cannot compare what you do for a child’s birthday to what they do for yours??? Madness!!! My kids can remember something I promised 3 years ago but can’t remember to brush their teeth, grab or kit etc without prompting! Your husband could have actually taken her to a shop and got a card surely?? But yes your thoughts on your child are very unreasonable

Literally this!!! Absolutely shocking

This, you are extreme on one hand but crave something basic like a card. Can you not see how warped that is? I have an 8yo, he would need to be reminded and time set aside to do it, but dh would facilitate that.

Your husband needs to help her, not just drop e reminder. She's a child, it takes more than a reminder. Getting cross afterwards just makes her feel awful. I imagine you help her when it's his birthday.

You're being massively unreasonable. She's 8 for fucks sake.

Your husband should have sat down and made a card with your daughter. That's the only way it would get done.

And never, ever project your feelings about your husband onto your daughter with this 'selfish DNA' bullshit. Being selfish isn't genetic. The way you talk about your daughter is very worrying. She's a little girl.

She’s 8, she’s probably just excited about your birthday because there’s cake. To even think of retaliating by not celebrating her birthday as much as you usually would is a cruel attitude to have as a parent. You go all out for your child’s birthday so they will have great memories. If you’re lucky when they become olde that's when they reciprocate because they remember the effort you went to when they were kids. I go all out for my mum now as an adult because I appreciate everything birthday she made special for me as a child.

This is emotional abuse. Father shaming an 8 year old for not making a card. Mother threatening to retaliate and not make an effort with the child’s birthday. Poor little thing. I hope the family get the help that they clearly need

3 parties for her birthday was excessive and it happened because it is what you wanted to do.

The main issue here though is that you say her father reminded her, and also made her feel bad for forgetting...

But did he actually get the materials together, sit down with her, say 'Lets make Mum a card now... ' ...

If you're excited for something that you feel is a big deal, it can get a bit overwhelming (even if you're not 8, and she is). If you then fear that what you do won't be good enough (and her bench mark here is you, Mrs 3 bloody parties!).. you can very easily get 'stuck', not know what to make, what to draw, where to start...

If there is also no adult supporting you, just someone pointlessly bloody nagging, and theres a risk that failing or not doing well enough will result in shame/more bad feeling from the parents, (be honest, this won't be the first time she's been made to feel bad for not meeting expectations by at least one of you is it?) then yeah, I can see why all that excitement didn't result in a birthday card for you!

She was made to feel bad by him? But its you who has said you feel like not going out of your way for an 8 year old and no birthday card. You are unreasonable and petty.

She's 8 and completely unable to reciprocate organising a birthday party, let alone 3!
She has no phone to call venues, no money to book anything, no knowledge of who your friends and colleagues are or the social dynamics of your different social circles.

You or your husband could've reminded her to make a card. I am a single parent so if I don't remind my children to make a card I wouldn't get one. Sit her at the table with some pens and card.

Unfair of you and your DH to guilt trip her over this.

I’m sorry no this is disgusting. She is 8. You ARE punishing her for this by removing a way you show that you care about her. I just can’t get my head around a parent holding a child so responsible over a card that they decide they deserve to have the effort put into their birthday reduced. So weird.

It’s a bloody card. I know people are going to say it’s the thought that counts but it sounds like she’s as thoughtful as her parents. OP needs to grow up a bit, and stop blaming her thoughts and behaviours on her husband. The poor kids birthday shouldn’t depend on how she’s made you feel during yours.