Page 3 | Birthday card by 8 year old

Createausername1234 · 2024-11-06T20:15:26+00:00

hello, hope all are keeping well. It would be great to know others' experience please so that I know I am not overthinking. My birthday was yesterday. We have been married for 12 years and in the last 2 years DH has put in effort to cook nice meals, get a cake etc. which is really nice(my husband was not a very thoughtful person, he has been working really hard to change that nature which is really good). Our DD(8) seems to be so excited during the days leading up to my birthday. However, even after several reminders from my husband, she did not bother making a card for me. However, there are things she gets so excited about e.g. she was supposed to take something to school (to match her friend) and she reminded herself to do it. I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card. How would you approach it? Should I just let it go? I can be an overthinker, so I am confused.

ChitterChatter1987 · 06/11/2024 22:31

Hi OP- birthday twin here 🤗 as I have a bonfire night birthday too 😊
I also have a DD who is 7.
She loves birthdays and gets quite invested with writing nice messages in cards, sometimes making her own, helping sort gifts, decorations cake etc, however yesterday we did have some difficulties with her being put out that I was the centre of attention, and not coping very well at times with that.
At this kind of age, they can be thoughtful and considerate at times but then sway to very much centering life around themselves again.
Encourage her to recognise your birthday and want to celebrate you, but let it go that she forgot to do the card.Maybe next time DH needs to sit down with her and do it as an activity.

Seashellssanctuary · 06/11/2024 22:32

Are you sure you are not her twin rather than mother as you sound about 8.

Don't be ridiculous!

Attelina · 06/11/2024 22:36

'I know I sound so petty'

Correct.

Lead by example. Give her a lovely birthday.

Rosesanddaffs · 06/11/2024 22:43

She’s only a child, you are seriously thinking of not making an effort for her birthday!

It’s not her job to make a fuss of you

LoveHeartsFan · 07/11/2024 00:15

What does everyone posting ‘ooh no, too young!’ remember about themselves at age 8? It’s an age where kids are attending birthday parties and so it’s quite appropriate that they learn to celebrate Mum, Dad and siblings too, surely?

At age 6, I remember a schoolfriend’s mum taking me to buy a card for my Mum. (I know I was 6 because I only knew that friend at infants’. Dad probably tipped her off!)

At 7, I was already receiving pocket money. Dad told me it was Mum’s birthday coming up, and I remember him taking me to the shops to choose a small gift for all of about 10p! I recall being very proud of choosing a shocking pink plastic pot with 1970s flowers on it, which I rather thought a la Paddington Bear, would also be ‘useful’!

She kept it on her dressing table for bits and bobs for the rest of her life.

At 7/8 certainly I was encouraged to practise my writing skills by adding my name to my parents’ birthday cards for my grandparents, auntie, etc. and to write cards for friends’ birthdays. It was normal to contribute to celebrations in a small way and learn about giving and receiving.

A generation on, I treasure a big card with stickers made by my goddaughters for one of my big birthdays, obviously with parental prompts but they were only about 5 & 7. These girls are now adults!

So yes, I think it’s entirely age-appropriate at 8 to be able to act on guidance from Mum or Dad and buy or make a card and a little gift with parental money or resources supplied for the occasion, or out of pocket money. A bar of chocolate, for example. These little lessons stick for life.

Original poster

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 01:10

Thank you all for your kind responses.
I did certainly say that her lack of thoughtfulness did demotivate me to put in less effort for her birthday, but I can see other’s perspective.
As there were enquiries about 3 parties - I love throwing parties for her birthday since she was a baby. One with school friends, other with family friends and then 3rd with just us and took her to a lovely show in London on her actual birthday.

OP posts:

SilverChampagne · 07/11/2024 01:28

She’s an 8 year old child, op!
Why did she need three birthday parties, btw? Seems needlessly excessive.

Sweetnessandbite · 07/11/2024 01:37

You ate worrying about your OH's selfish DNA impacting your child but not seeing that your behaviour, to even feel less motivated to treat her for her birthday, and that whole mindset could be far more damaging.

Please seek help OP. Your child is not responsible for filling whatever hole you feel by not having friends or family or a selfish DH.

I mean this kindly but please discuss this with a counsellor.

BlueSilverCats · 07/11/2024 07:10

LoveHeartsFan · 07/11/2024 00:15

What does everyone posting ‘ooh no, too young!’ remember about themselves at age 8? It’s an age where kids are attending birthday parties and so it’s quite appropriate that they learn to celebrate Mum, Dad and siblings too, surely?

At age 6, I remember a schoolfriend’s mum taking me to buy a card for my Mum. (I know I was 6 because I only knew that friend at infants’. Dad probably tipped her off!)

At 7, I was already receiving pocket money. Dad told me it was Mum’s birthday coming up, and I remember him taking me to the shops to choose a small gift for all of about 10p! I recall being very proud of choosing a shocking pink plastic pot with 1970s flowers on it, which I rather thought a la Paddington Bear, would also be ‘useful’!

She kept it on her dressing table for bits and bobs for the rest of her life.

At 7/8 certainly I was encouraged to practise my writing skills by adding my name to my parents’ birthday cards for my grandparents, auntie, etc. and to write cards for friends’ birthdays. It was normal to contribute to celebrations in a small way and learn about giving and receiving.

A generation on, I treasure a big card with stickers made by my goddaughters for one of my big birthdays, obviously with parental prompts but they were only about 5 & 7. These girls are now adults!

So yes, I think it’s entirely age-appropriate at 8 to be able to act on guidance from Mum or Dad and buy or make a card and a little gift with parental money or resources supplied for the occasion, or out of pocket money. A bar of chocolate, for example. These little lessons stick for life.

All the examples you give have more parental/adult input and involvement than just "make your mum a card". That's the difference.

BeerForMyHorses · 07/11/2024 07:11

You're expecting far too much from an 8 year old !

BarbaraHoward · 07/11/2024 07:28

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 01:10

Thank you all for your kind responses.
I did certainly say that her lack of thoughtfulness did demotivate me to put in less effort for her birthday, but I can see other’s perspective.
As there were enquiries about 3 parties - I love throwing parties for her birthday since she was a baby. One with school friends, other with family friends and then 3rd with just us and took her to a lovely show in London on her actual birthday.

That's a lot for a birthday, although lovely.

You do seem to really value birthdays and have very high expectations for how they should be celebrated, which is lovely. But please remember that for a lot of people they're a much smaller deal, and if people don't mark your birthday in the way you expect it's not necessarily them being mean to you, they just have different norms.

Whoyergonnacall · 07/11/2024 07:34

You are “kinda not feeling motivated to go out of you way” for your 8 year old as she didn’t make you a birthday card? Yabvvvvvvu.

Original poster

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 08:56

No I don’t expect people to fuss about my birthday at all. I work a regular job and It is just another day for me at work. I don’t even mention about my birthday to work colleagues. It doesn’t matter to me even if my husband does anything nice for me or not. My daughter is 8, I expected nothing from her when she was 6 and 7. However, on the same day she remembered to do something for her friend. She can remember things if she wants to and if it’s top priority for her, she is a very smart child. Her father is also a very intelligent person. He can absolutely remember things that matter to him, most of the things he forgets are related to me. He is also a people pleaser, I can see that trait in my daughter too.
Thought of clarifying for anyone who thought that I am sad about people not making a fuss about me, not at all. I am worried that my daughter will grow into a people pleaser who cares a lot about what outside world thinks about her than what her close family thinks about her.

OP posts:

VioletCrawleyForever · 07/11/2024 09:00

She's 8

How old are you? What's your excuse for your petulant huff?

Edingril · 07/11/2024 09:02

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 08:56

No I don’t expect people to fuss about my birthday at all. I work a regular job and It is just another day for me at work. I don’t even mention about my birthday to work colleagues. It doesn’t matter to me even if my husband does anything nice for me or not. My daughter is 8, I expected nothing from her when she was 6 and 7. However, on the same day she remembered to do something for her friend. She can remember things if she wants to and if it’s top priority for her, she is a very smart child. Her father is also a very intelligent person. He can absolutely remember things that matter to him, most of the things he forgets are related to me. He is also a people pleaser, I can see that trait in my daughter too.
Thought of clarifying for anyone who thought that I am sad about people not making a fuss about me, not at all. I am worried that my daughter will grow into a people pleaser who cares a lot about what outside world thinks about her than what her close family thinks about her.

You really don't seem to like your daughter

rainbowstardrops · 07/11/2024 09:15

How would I approach my 8 year old not making me a card? Minor disappointment and then on with my day 🤷🏻‍♀️
Did your husband buy a card from her, or at least put her name on the card he gave you?

LoveHeartsFan · 07/11/2024 09:17

BlueSilverCats · 07/11/2024 07:10

All the examples you give have more parental/adult input and involvement than just "make your mum a card". That's the difference.

Show quote history

How so? At younger ages I was told: buy a card, buy a present. The card and present were my choice. I remember it vividly because I was given agency under adult guidance. ‘Make your Mum a card’ is the same level of adult guidance.

At 8 when told it was my Mum’s birthday coming up I’m sure I bought a card of my own in town as I did for friends’ birthdays. I’d ask to go to the booksellers and stationers on my own initiative and browse from that age and Mum and Dad were perfectly happy when we were in town to leave me to happily browse and buy a book, and pick me up from there while they were doing things like go to Radio Rentals or the electric shop in the same road. I could entertain myself safely and make my own independent choices and purchases as I was an avid reader. So easy to hide a card in a book! I showed initiative from that age on. It’s not an unreasonable ask that a child responds to parental prompts on date.

But all those events for her will make her spoilt and attention-seeking. Row back on the multiple birthday events, don’t let her be the one whose birthday is celebrated the most. One party is sufficient.

Scaredgf · 07/11/2024 09:19

Wow. Unconditional love...?

ForeverPombear · 07/11/2024 09:23

LoveHeartsFan · 07/11/2024 09:17

How so? At younger ages I was told: buy a card, buy a present. The card and present were my choice. I remember it vividly because I was given agency under adult guidance. ‘Make your Mum a card’ is the same level of adult guidance.

At 8 when told it was my Mum’s birthday coming up I’m sure I bought a card of my own in town as I did for friends’ birthdays. I’d ask to go to the booksellers and stationers on my own initiative and browse from that age and Mum and Dad were perfectly happy when we were in town to leave me to happily browse and buy a book, and pick me up from there while they were doing things like go to Radio Rentals or the electric shop in the same road. I could entertain myself safely and make my own independent choices and purchases as I was an avid reader. So easy to hide a card in a book! I showed initiative from that age on. It’s not an unreasonable ask that a child responds to parental prompts on date.

But all those events for her will make her spoilt and attention-seeking. Row back on the multiple birthday events, don’t let her be the one whose birthday is celebrated the most. One party is sufficient.

Show quote history

Yes but you just wouldn't do that at 8 these days.

I'm mid 30's and mine would never have allowed me to do that at 8.

Mischance · 07/11/2024 09:31

Oh please!!! Your 8 year old fails to meet your exacting requirements regarding your birthday and you are contemplating a tit for tat plan for hers!!!! Who is the child here!!??

Original poster

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 09:45

Not a tit for tat plan but reeling back on how things are currently. Tit for tat plan will be doing nothing for her birthday. I will have one party and wont go overboard.

OP posts:

SunnyHappyPeople · 07/11/2024 09:47

She's 8!!!

Massively over-reacting and being a complete drama queen. Don't guilt her ....it's sending alarm bells as to how you parent in the future.

Original poster

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 09:51

I have a great relationship with my daughter.
I feel sorry for some of the grown ups who have been commenting so harshly (that I don’t love my daughter) without clarifying or asking the right questions. I did not share my thoughts with her. Before acting on my thoughts, I shared it on a platform seeking advice. Imagine if I was suffering from a mental health condition, how will a person take some of the nasty comments on here? Please be kind!

OP posts:

Scaredgf · 07/11/2024 09:51

Createausername1234 · 07/11/2024 09:45

Not a tit for tat plan but reeling back on how things are currently. Tit for tat plan will be doing nothing for her birthday. I will have one party and wont go overboard.

If you want to rein it in, perfectly sensible to do that, but don't make it her fault.

lunar1 · 07/11/2024 09:52

Not much you can say to someone who wants to see the worst in her 8 year old.