Birthday card by 8 year old

[Createausername1234]

hello, hope all are keeping well.
It would be great to know others' experience please so that I know I am not overthinking.
My birthday was yesterday. We have been married for 12 years and in the last 2 years DH has put in effort to cook nice meals, get a cake etc. which is really nice(my husband was not a very thoughtful person, he has been working really hard to change that nature which is really good). Our DD(8) seems to be so excited during the days leading up to my birthday. However, even after several reminders from my husband, she did not bother making a card for me.

However, there are things she gets so excited about e.g. she was supposed to take something to school (to match her friend) and she reminded herself to do it.

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card.

How would you approach it? Should I just let it go? I can be an overthinker, so I am confused.

You should go low / no contact... she is being totally unreasonable.

95% of people say you're being unreasonable but you still don't see it.

You are being extremely unreasonable and sound very petty.
She is eight years old that is normal child behaviour. It doesn't mean she doesn't care for you. Sometimes my GC don't even want to write in cards sometimes they make beautiful cards. I am happy either way and would never ever think that I shouldn't make an effort for them on their birthdays or at Christmas.
I don't give them things expecting something back i do It because I love them and giving them things gives me pleasure.

Nothing wrong at all with doing a bit less. But not because she didn't make you a card for your birthday, that's just vindictive.

This!

My DS age 8 made me a card for my birthday without prompting. DP also bought a proper card with "Mummy" on it which he had DC sign when I was looking. I would be taking this up with your DP - you said he reminded DD several times but he should have actually sat her down and helped her with the task when he realised she hadn't done anything.

Exactly.

Comparing 'taking something to school' with creating a card is no comparison at all.
At 8 it would have been more reasonable for your DH to sit her down with the materials to hand or say to her it's time to make the card and make sure she does.
Thinking because she didn't she has 'lazy DNA' is ridiculous. This is really on your DH, not your child.
As for three parties - taking her out to a show is not a party. Having one with friends and one with family is totally reasonable.

Your DH is the unreasonable one for not helping your dd organise it (and then have the cheek to scold her about it).

My daughter does this! She has ASD. Not saying your DD has ASD but I think the way to deal with it is mostly best practice anyway (i.e. parent the actual child you have not the mythical child of theory). She has these aMAZing and exciting ideas but can't really realise them. I tend to say 'aw, never mind, tell me what it was going to be like' and we experience the card/ whatever it was together that way 😁. It would be the worst thing in the world to her to feel like she had upset me.

I actually think 8 is old enough to be reminded how much you do for her and that handmade card would mean so much to you. I don't give 2 hoots about my birthday or mother's day apart from the fact that I don't want my children to turn into complete takers.

I do agree with this too, but I think the time for the reminders is before your birthday. Like saying 'get dad to help you make my birthday card' in the weeks before. It's yet another thing to do though so when I forget and she forgets I don't make a fuss.

What are the "right questions'" we should all be asking you then?

She's 8, she probably didn't realise how important it is to you, got busy and forgot. It's her dad's job to get the card and pen ready and tell her to write it for you there and then, so it's done.

She 8, it’s not her fault. It is however your husband’s fault, he should have arrange the time and sat down with her to do it.

Agree too.

My parents did this exact same thing to me when I was about 4. My mum cried for hours because my dad hadn't remembered her birthday, and he blamed it on me and asked why I hadn't made her a card. Then they were both mad at me about it.

I still feel guilt and shame about it in my 30s. It's my first childhood memory and I don't have many others.

There are so many responses asking the right questions already. There are also some very mean comments about my relationship with my daughter without knowing/trying to understand more. I never claimed that my thought process was correct, I understand it was not the right way to think. I also feel the harsh comments are inappropriate. I am okay with that. If that was told to a vulnerable parent, it would affect them so badly when all they are trying to do is seek advice about their 'thoughts'.

Your saying your downscaling your child's birthday in future as she didn't make you a card. That's very petty! So if she had made you a card would you still be doing 3 parties for her? You sound ridiculous! My DD8 makes me stuff out of the blue all the time but if she didn't there is no way I would treat her differently. I make her stuff too as I know she appreciates it

To put that much responsibility on a child is unreasonable. You’re treating her like she’s your equal, not a child. That sounds incredibly emotionally unintelligent of you. Dad should have checked she’d done one.

She’s not too young for you to say “Mummy would have loved it if you’d made me a card.” as it’s good for her to learn about caring for other people, but downsizing her birthday is spiteful.

That’s really sad and makes me so fecking angry. Parents taking their insecurities and inadequacies out on their children 😡

@Createausername1234 read potato’s post very carefully and consider your next move.

Honestly you sound a bit narcissistic - my daughter didn't make me a card so I'm not going to celebrate her birthday.
WTAF?!

Poor child

That’s what card shops are for? Just get your DH to take her to the shop and pick out a nice card? Why does it have to be hand made? You then deciding you’re going to put in minimum effort for your young child moving forward is just ridiculous and very childish. Grow up.