Birthday card by 8 year old

[Createausername1234]

hello, hope all are keeping well.
It would be great to know others' experience please so that I know I am not overthinking.
My birthday was yesterday. We have been married for 12 years and in the last 2 years DH has put in effort to cook nice meals, get a cake etc. which is really nice(my husband was not a very thoughtful person, he has been working really hard to change that nature which is really good). Our DD(8) seems to be so excited during the days leading up to my birthday. However, even after several reminders from my husband, she did not bother making a card for me.

However, there are things she gets so excited about e.g. she was supposed to take something to school (to match her friend) and she reminded herself to do it.

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card.

How would you approach it? Should I just let it go? I can be an overthinker, so I am confused.

She's 8, you're being unreasonable. Kids sometimes can be selfish which can feel shit but not making as much effort going forward for your child's birthday is really daft

Did her Dad not say now is a good time to make a card? My 8 year old needs support to organise her time.

Why did you organise 3 birthday parties for her this year?

You can’t compare what you do for her birthdays as her parent and an adult, and what she does for your birthday as a child.

Why didn’t your husband sit down with her to make a card together?

I wouldn’t be relying on an 8 year old to

1. Remember and make time to do it
2. Get the bits needed together
3. Sit on their own to do it

At 8 what should have happened is somebody grab the card, felt tips, glitter, glue etc and sit with her to make a card for you.

I agree

She's a kid. You're being incredibly unreasonable!

She's 8!!!

don't give her 3 parties though that's nuts

She's 8, and it's a card. You're hugely overreacting.

I do agree that it's important that children learn the social niceties of making a fuss of others on their birthdays, but you're placing too much importance on the card. Did she wish you happy birthday, sing you happy birthday when it was time for cake etc?

You're her mum and an adult, your decisions about how you celebrate her birthday should have absolutely nothing to do with how she behaves on yours.

What level of support/encouragement/making her do it do you have to put in to ensure your DH gets a card from her on his birthday? I think this is a husband problem not a kid problem. If he’s generally thoughtless/selfish he may need a prompt that he needs to supervise her making stuff. What happens for Mothers Day?

" was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card." - this is absolutely daft, it's like something you'd say about a partner, not your own 8 year old child FFS. Give your head a wobble OP.

At 8, DH should be arranging a card and a little gift for her to give you. So this is down to DH. It’s part of training in how to get on in society. No need for the card to be home made.

you’re an adult. You can’t be so petty as to limit what you do for her birthday.

If desperate, a few comments “i’m so looking forward to what you've bought me for my birthday”

How do you celebrate? It’s easier for them if your birthday is recognisable as such. So birthday cake, candles, singing “happy birthday.”

She's 8! You're being ridiculous and petty.

Why did you do three parties?

Wow.

You are been very unreasonable- I don't even know what else to say

Why didn't he just buy a card for her to write in it? That's what OH does.

She's not an adult friend of yours. Your post doesn't come across as very...maternal. Stop being petulant about your young child.

Wow , what kind of mother are you! Poor dd

What the actual fuck?

I know I sound so petty

Oh yes you really do. Your DH should have taken her to a store to buy a card. Your attitude is terrible and you REALLY need to snap out of it. Would you tell other people, friends/family/colleagues what you have said here? No. You'd be far too embarrassed. Do better.

okay, thanks for all the comments..its just that, she was made to feel bad by my husband for not remembering about the card. I was very confused and not quite sure how to read into it and at what age kids starts remembering these things in general.
I worry a lot that my daughter would turn out to be a thoughtless person like my husband(he is changing a lot now) - e.g. He had once on my birthday told me to take a day off only to be told on that day that he had forgotten to arrange anything.
I guess this made me feel she has his DNA or something..I don't know..I started overthinking I guess..now it is clear for me..thanks all..

I put loads of effort into my kids’ birthdays. I wouldn’t expect them to put any effort into mine. That’s what happens when you’re the parent and they’re your child. Anything they do do is welcomed with gushing gratitude from me, but I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if they did nothing.

She's 8! You are the mum.

It’s up to the grown adults to facilitate what children do. I can’t believe you’re holding your own young dd responsible for your emotional responses. Kindly, get a grip. YABU.

Husband neglecting your birthday you are not unreasonable to be upset over though. Good to hear he is trying to do better. He should not be making your daughter feel bad for what is essentially his failure to get her to make a card.

This isn't healthy OP. She's her own person, not a carbon copy of either of you.

She's years off remembering this stuff on her own. Plenty of teens need reminders and grow into perfectly lovely people.

Your DH is being really out of line to put the blame on her too.

It sounds like you and your DH are in some passive aggressive birthday battle and putting an 8yo in the middle of it.

I know I sound so petty but I am kinda not feeling motivated to go out of my way for her. This year I organised 3 separate birthday parties for her. This was the same case last year too on my birthday - lots of promises but no card.

Sorry, but it sounds like you're backtracking somewhat. Read the above quote again - that's nothing to do with your husband being annoyed or you being confused about age appropriate thoughtfulness, is it?