DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Why is he complaining about having to look after his own kids when you've been doing it for years? Does he not have any hobbies/ever go out in the evenings with friends etc?

How much time does he get to himself per week?
As long as you are not taking a lot more than him, then I see no issue

They are his kids - of course he has to parent them sometimes!

Does he think being a SAHP literally means you just stay at home 24/7? What a selfish toad. They’re his children as well, why are they only your responsibility? Because you’re the woman and he has A Very Important Job?

From his POV you have about 30 hours a week at home without the kids which is a lot of time to spend as you choose and there’ll be classes you could take in that time.

Is the problem that he doesn’t want to do bedtime for 3 kids by himself two nights a week or that you get a lot of free time and he doesn’t?

He says it’s not fair for him to spend all day at work and have to look after the kids all evening, as he has to log on for a few hours after he’s put the kids to bed to finish his work.

He is normally very involved and active but he’s accused me of taking the piss.

How does this selfish prick think single parents manage, hmm?

Also how is the housework split?

I hear you . If I wanted to do those hours when my kids were young I had to give them dinner early and have them bathed and ready for bed. Not worth it as couldn't relax and enjoy myself anyway . One of many reasons he is an ex.

Two nights a week is fine, you need down time. As long as he gets a similar amount of downtime over the week I can’t see the issue.

I'd understand if the kids were babies/toddlers, but he is at work all week whilst you are at home with your day to yourself. I can see his point!

One night a week fair enough, two is taking the mick a bit

Guessing he struggles to find the same 35 hours a week downtime 🤣

So what you do is list everything you do at home. Then show him, and tell him it’s work, not a jolly. That looking after 3 kids is hard work, and you are entitled to down time, as is he.

if he still kicks off I would be arranging to go out every Saturday and leave him to manage 3 kids all day, along with a list of jobs he needs to do

And exactly when is your down time? I lit money he does nothing at the weekend ? When do you have friends time, break away etc.

Are all 3 children at school?

All three are now in school.

Yes they are his kids and he should have no problems looking after them. But if you're a SAHM and kids are in school I would personally try find hobbies during the daytime so not to impose on DH. One evening a week is fine but i'd also be miffed with two.

What do you do all day? That's a lot of child free time.

Is he having to finish work early on those 2 nights if he is having to do work later?

What do you do during the day when DC at school?

Does DH get free time at the weekend/other evenings?

I would probably compromise with one evening a week

Well now I think you have more than enough free time.
Do the 2 evenings a week but you're far from Cinderella.

where i live, there are 7 evenings in a week.

I assume you cover all the school holidays? Do your DC do activities in the evening? I used to spend many evenings ferrying DC to various clubs after school

I think you know what their point is.

As long as he has equal free time to you. Does he get the opportunity to do his own thing other evenings/weekends? Or are those all sort of family time?

If the latter, I can sort of understand why he feels like it's unfair in a way if you're a SAHP to school children as for much of the year you've got five days a week of 6 hours or so to yourself a day. But I don't think it's reasonable to never do any evening activities as a result.

I'd personally try and do these courses in the day time to not take up 2 evenings a week. When I done evening classes it was because I worked full time and couldn't do them in the day. But I think in your circumstances, and when I briefly was a SAHM, I absolutely would have done them in the day as I already had a lot of free time around school.

I see his point. You can't be spending 9-3 on chores all day, everyday, so you must be getting downtime during the day as well. Does he have equal downtime? Can you not compromise by doing one evening a week to see friends?