DH complaining about look after kids

[Mellowblue]

DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

I do 80% during the weekdays and he does 80% during the weekend.

I see his point. As a SAHM I would do all of the housework, and maybe 50/50 on a weekend when we were both there. You seem to have the good end of the deal here.

If you had 3 young children at home all day, I'd agree with you but they are in school all day. You already get a lot of down time and are now getting even more after DH has been working all day.

Why can't you go back to work to help with your sanity and keeping your brain from turning to mush?

I think he is right.
You could do one of the classes while the children are at school. You must have loads of free time then.

Why does he do 80% at the weekend? What are you doing then?

One of the main reasons for doing these courses is to meet up with friends, which rules out a daytime course.

Could you meet up with friends later after DC are in bed?

I’m a sahm as well. Have 2 boys age 8 and 5. Both in school. I have lots of free time. I went to the gym 4 times a week and still managed to watch my favorite tv series. You dont need those 2 nights off. You can do it while your children in school. Although you can have sometime off on the weekend to go out with friends all day. It is unfair for your DH have to attends to the kids after he comes from work meanwhile you got free time everyday

Are they not his children that he doesn't want to parent them?

so because she’s a SAHM this pathetic man can’t manage his own children for 4 hours a week? And she’s trapped to her house every evening?

I would go back to work OP full time or get an evening job 😁. What would This clown do it you were in hospital or god forbid dropped dead? Give the kids away?

Completely understand where he is coming from. He's working all day, minding children in the evening two evenings a week then logging back on.
You have school age children and a lot of free time to do courses.

But I guarantee if someone posted that their DH is a SAHP and has hours each day to themselves while OP works full time, then he has started going the pub 2 evenings a week and OP has to log back on to work after she has got the kids to bed....I am sure the responses would be that he's taking the piss.

Is OP even still a SAHM with school aged children?

Why should he look after the children after a long day at work when she's already had all day to herself? When is his rest time?

If she dropped dead things would change but she's not dead, she's a SAHM with a lot more free time than her husband and asking for even more while he has less.

If he has his time too, there’s no big deal. I pop out to the pub on a weekend now and again with mates after the kids are asleep/on an evening, or I go out and do ‘man’ activities. Everyone needs their time, and so do you as a woman. If he can’t accept a few hours a week alone with his kids, he needs to relax. Maybe even find that time to enjoy his kids before they’re too old to care. Although to be fair, if he works full-time he does need time to himself as he’s working all week to provide. Other than that, he needs to just relax a bit. If you complain whenever he needs time away though, there’s a problem. It’s all about balance.

He can do his worki-finishing when you get home, one of your classes finishes at 8pm which isn't late at all and 9 isn't that late.

It won't kill him to care for his own children two evenings a week, they're not even entire evenings. I would have thought the time would fly anyway.

Tell him he is unreasonable to object.

You need to be back at work, he needs to understand the impact of that on him e.g. pickups, dropoffs, time off if one is ill is split. Apart from anything else you need to build your career in case this is his final attitude and the marriage doesn't survive.....

Experience tells me many men do not respect SAHMs. Your set up relinquishes your voice in the matter so if it was me, I would sort my career and then you can call the shots more - well, 50/50. Sad but true unfortunately.

Why is he having to log back in in the evenings if he presumable as a 9-5 job. I think that's probably the unfairness of it. You've agreed for him to work and you to be a stay at home parent but if he has to stop working to make this work then that's unreasonable. You have alot of time during the week to be able to do a course. Could he reduce his hours to fscilate this and you get a job?

Agreed

Absolutely this 🤦🏻‍♀️ Not working at all with kids at school is very... erm... leisurely...

Ah, so cleaning, cooking, household admin and the majority of childcare aren't worthy to be considered in his evaluation of what's fair. Got it.

If these are school age children, how much 'looking after' do they actually need from 6 till 8 or 9? Presumably they will have done their homework (if any) and have had dinner (or dinner would be ready by the time you leave).

Does he not enjoy spending time with his children? Playing a boardgame, watching a cartoon, reading a book...... bedtime.

Maybe he would like them to all spend time together in the evening?

You have most days to yourself if all of the kids are at school!! Plenty of downtime!
How much downtime does your hubby get, out of interest?