DH complaining about look after kids

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DH complaining about looking after kids.

I am a SAHM with 3 children in primary school. I have recently joined a few evening classes / clubs for the sake of my sanity and to keep my brain from turning into mush.
I am out two nights a week: 6 till 8 one night and 6 till 9 another night.

DH has become very resentful about me being away from home for these two nights because he needs to spend the evenings looking after the children.

Although, I can see his point, he still has 3 days a week when I am home and I don’t think 2 evenings for myself is a particularly big imposition on him. I am taking these courses with friends , so it’s not possible to them during the day.

OP has said that DH pulls his weight. So likely that he has been involved with evening childcare.for those years as well.

Having 2 children under 2 (as is your case) is entirely different to OP's. Even if your oldest is at nursery, you still have your youngest with you all the time, and children of this age need everything doing for them - so that alone is exhausting. You are currently at the worst stage and it gets easier - you cant extrapolate on the basis of doing this for the next 10 years. OP's children will need a lot less hands on help when they are about and, depending on age, may be pretty independent. The OP is really not spending 6 hours a day (and there are plenty of people who are SAHMs to school age children on this thread confirming this) every day on basic housework.

I suspect that DH is logging on in the evening because he's left early to get home to do childcare or because, being sole wage earner, he has to be in a sufficiently senior job that this is expected of the role. In this sort of job you can't just say you will do all your job between 9 and 5 - the extra money is there in compensation for the extra expectations.

I am a sahm to preschool/ school age kids and I do part time freelance work which comes and goes in intensity. (Sometimes it's a 40 hour week, sometimes nothing, or anything in between).

I really hate having to log on again in the evening. Knowing I will have to makes me feel tense all day.

DH does in fact take the kids from 5.30 -7pm two days a week so I can do a class. He normally either cooks or works from home in this time and I put the kids to bed when I get back. It was entirely his idea to do this and it doesn't mess with his day too much as he works locally and has a flexible schedule.

If I was working full time and DH was the stay at home parent I would be pretty stressed at having to log back on in the evening twice a week. It wouldn't be an issue with looking after the kids, it would be the regular evening work. So I don't think I would expect him to do this for me (unless he was happy to).

OP's DH is not happy to.

What a horrid, selfish, ungrateful partner you have! We lost a baby. My DH would have given anything to have the “inconvenience” of looking after our child. Give his head a wobble and tell him to grow up!!

I'm very sorry for your loss.
I would suggest this is not the right thread for you. It is entirely normal for parents not want to spend 100% of their time with their children.

Can I ask why your are not also throwing insults at OP, who also has the temerity to want time away from her children?

Am I not entitled to an opinion? You clearly think you are. The OP is a stay at home mum. With her kids day after day (although they are at school but there’s still care to be delivered by her, drop offs, pick up etc). She wants two relatively short periods of time for herself. There is nothing wrong with that. If her husband was a true partner, he’d support that.

im really not interested in engaging with you further @redskydarknight so that’s all from me! Toddle pip!

he has to log on for a few hours after he’s put the kids to bed to finish his work.

I think this is the issue, not spending time with the kids per se.

And if o/p were a true partner, she’d listen to him when he says he is struggling with his work, the housework, and the kids. He does not have 6 hours in the day to organise his life, have a cup or tea or a shower.

she’d be compromising on the work/home balance.

he is not coping. He has told her he isn’t coping with the stress of work and picking up so much at home. She has far fewer pressures and more time to herself.

the way it is now it sounds like he sees more of the kids than her.

if she were a true partner she’d be looking for ways to take some of the pressure off him. She could get a job so he doesn’t have to work as much, or she could take some of the household tasks from him so he’s not spending his weekends cleaning.

sahm is a privilege. She needs to pull her weight so they both have relaxation time.

How rude! You're clearly very angry, I agree with @redskydarknight I don't think this is the thread for you.

You are totally taking the piss. You don’t work and have 8.30-3.45 free every day, you might do houseworks but probably 2-3 hours a day, rest is free, he works all day and also at night and you leave him with the kids on his own? If my husband was at home and did that I would be furious!

Hmm, I do sort of get how he feels. I suppose in his eyes you have at least 5 hours a day when the kids are at school. Does he get to see his friends two evenings a week? They're quite long times too in my opinion.

At least he’s telling you now he’s not happy so you can discuss things properly rather than him just leaving in a year or two.

Taking this piss having 5 hours out of seven nights a week? If her husband can’t cope with that he would barely be able to cope with 5050 childcare if she worked full time!

whilst his career and pension and wages are all going up and up and she’s facilitating it!

Aye, it'd be good for OP to get back to work wouldn't it. Funny enough crickets when it's mentioned!

Could you get a part time job or start a side hustle in the day? I can't imagine cleaning takes the entire school day

She’s not facilitating it though. This is what he’s saying.

she’s at home 6 hours a day, no kids, no job. Yet he’s working, and picking a share of the housework and childcare, especially at weekends.

he’s pretty much doing 50:50 childcare already. O/p admits he does the bulk on weekends, he does two nights by himself and half the other three nights.

meanwhile o/p does what, breakfast, school run and tea?

o/p needs to sort her workload if she’s a sahm or go back to work.

Five days a week with kids in school is plenty of time to do things. Maybe you need to improve your time management if you think it isn't.

She has most of the week to herself. Give your head a wobble.

Does he realise how isolating a SAHM can be?

Presumably it's her choice to isolate herself and do nothing in day though?
She's got about 30 hours child free time in week. Yes some time will be spent cleaning/chores but rest of time you can fill as you wish. If paid work isn't on cards for whatever reason most people in that position would exercise/volunteer/study/socialise etc. If your existing friends aren't available as they work 9-5 make more friends.
I had a period where I worked very pt with a school aged child and it was lovely not lonely at all.

At this point, it’s because her children are at school all day. She wouldn’t be isolated if she got a job.

Are there not day time activities you could do? Whilst the kids are at school?

I am not sure she would loose.

because being a sahm is THE hardest job ever 😁

Sure it is 🙄

🤣🤣🤣

I'll swap you 30 Yr 6's to teach for being a SAHM any day!!!! 😆