To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

[purplebeansprouts]

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

Surely it depends on who the hosts are and how well you know them. I have been to lunch and stayed until 4 pm, and in fact I don't know anyone who expects their guests to eat and run. Surely the idea is to socialise, not just eat.

I’m really not sure why you posted.

You: AIBU

Most posters: Yes

You: But drip feed, drip feed, drip feed, no I’m not.

Since you aren’t prepared to accept anything anyone says that might suggest you were wrong, why bother? Did you really think everyone would just agree with your shockingly poor idea of hosting and you’d have another reason to be smug about your dislike of your in-laws?

It's not a drip feed. Our lack of alcohol consumption is irrelevant and I think it's pretty narrow-minded of people to judge our hosting skills based on that.

Some else had the same issue so there's lots of hints here if anyone is in the same boat
www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5201964-how-to-get-guests-to-leave-after-a-lunch-or-dinner

@purplebeansprouts

We saw them for dinner on the first night then all day for the second day then Sunday was in their words "just popping in for lunch before we go"

Well if you had told us all this information in your first post you may have got some rather different answers.

Assuming you want posters on your side, I can't comprehend why you would start a thread suggesting a completely different scenario.

What a waste of time.

Alcohol + dessert + in-laws + past issues + travel to see you. This is a classic drip feed in which you’ve left almost all the relevant information out of the first post and only suddenly ‘remembered’ it when the subsequent posts go against you.

But sure, double down and focus on the alcohol.

Alcohol and dessert is not what I'd deem vital information. The rest of it I was trying to get generic advice on how long any guest should stay so I was being fair to my inlaws

We had people over yesterday. We started eating at 2.30, probably got up from the table about 4.15 after lingering over second helpings and then a pause while I heated the puddings. (incidentally, I don't eat puddings either but other people like them so I always serve them) They eventually left about 8.30.

That suited me just fine. I'd be annoyed if they left any earlier - before and during the meal I'm busy and don't have much time to chat. It's in the leisurely few hours afterwards that I get to spend time with them.

I find it very strange that OP avoids the question of the distance in miles or hours.
I have family 10 mins drive away so can pop in, another member an hour’s drive so stay 3/4 hours and then another a solid day’s drive when I stay a few days.

No, you were being wholly unfair to your in-laws by not mentioning they had travelled some distance to see you, were staying in a hotel etc.

When even that careful editing of the facts didn’t get the response you wanted, then you added further information and kept focussing on the inconsequential parts (alcohol and dessert) not the important parts (travel, family, past issues) in your subsequent posts.

You (and your DH, I hasten to add) were rude and a bad host. The in-laws may or may not have acted badly in the past but that’s not the point or the question you asked.

It isn't the thread to discuss your in-laws. But you do need more support. Your husband should lock down any nasty comments directed at you.

You could both do with therapy on how to deal with these in laws. They probably won't change but you need to change the way you deal with them. I wish you luck with it all.

Thats a lot of entertaining every two months.
I would change the lunch to a brunch and make arrangements to be somewhere else with your children and move them on that way, if they are hard work.
Or knock sunday on the head completely by having plans with the children made already, so say goodbye Saturday night.

Their fault if they are painful to be around.

Crikey op you've had some unnecessarily harsh responses imo, being called joyless, miserable, rude, a poor host (the whole how to be a good host rules remind me of my gm's story of arriving in England in the 1930's and being taught the British middle class ways)

Plus if nobody there eats pudding why bother offering one? For it to get binned? Then you'd be berated for food waste I imagine. It's nobody's business why you don't have alcohol in the house either 🙄

There is no generic advice though.
.if you invite people round who you like and enjoy their company it's totally different to having people round out of duty.

The conversation must be pretty strained though isn't it? If you dislike people it's hard to make polite conversation.

It's not just hard it's so stressful waiting for the next cutting remark. Imagined slight if you do speak. It's exhausting and confusing for the children who really shouldn't be a witness to it.

I really don't understand this flack for the 1 course lunch thing. I mean if my inlaws rocked up to my house and stayed for lunch whilst being uninvited, the last thing I would be doing is going to the shop for cake or scones or whatever 😂 also not everyone drinks to be able to offer alcohol, we don't generally have any alcohol in the house at all, nor do we have milk as 2 of us are dairy intolerant and the other one doesn't drink it. I ain't buying things for unexpected guests just to sit and go off on the off chance someone turns up.

2 hours 30 minutes approx

Brunch! Genius!

Jesus that even worse would defo not be shoving them out the door after that journey so quickly, even if they were coming for Brunch
You so obviously don't like them so why are you bothering just go no contact with them - as is the MN favourite

Could be making your day even longer

I wouldn't serve alcohol to any guest that was coming over for lunch unless it was a pre-arranged boozy lunch. Do you crack open a bottle of wine for lunch of a Saturday? I also wouldn't serve dessert or pudding for lunch (perhaps for dinner but again that might be the exception and not the rule).
Not everyone drinks alcohol and whether or not the OP or someone in her family has an issue with alcohol or that they are by choice (rather than necessity) a dry household still doesn't impact the guest overstaying their welcome.
Similarly, not serving pudding/dessert, well that might be down to dietary requirements such as diabetes or being on a weight loss plan and if the sweet treats aren't there to tempt you, you can't eat them! Still doesn't make someone a bad host.

I don't believe that @purplebeansprouts has drip fed throughout the thread.

There was enough information in the opening post to be getting along with and to make a decision on how long guests are expected/allowed/permitted/whatever to stay after a lunch has finished up and the hosts have cleaned up.

We don't have that in our culture we like our guests to stay as long as they want and we are hospitable in that time. Lunch then some tea and if they stay very very late some coffee.
If we say come at 5pm then we expect them around that time gove or take 30mins. Some times we have people stay until 12am/1am. It is very normal and we just cater to them and vice versa.

I only wish I had parents and in-laws around to impose themselves on me, i would make the most of every minute. Some people just don’t appreciate what they have until they lose it. Can’t imagine ever having been like this with my in-laws, and shame on DH being like that with his parents.

Very rude to leave that early after all the effort they have gone to. 4ish is best

It depends on the nature of the people attending, the context and their relationships with each other.