To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

[purplebeansprouts]

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

Well if my in-laws were as unpleasant to me as she says they are to her. They wouldn't be setting foot over the threshold.

Oh come on everyone haven’t any of you had the in-laws around for hours and hours and thought please go home I really want my space back and to get on with things?

If I was going to a friend's for lunch I would expect to arrive around half hour before eating and then sit and chat until one of us had to get off to do something.

If I was visiting a relative and I'd stayed overnight in a hotel and I hadn't seen them the day before then I'd probably expect to spend most of the day with them. If we'd already spent time together the previous day then it would just be popping in for a quick cuppa, possibly brunch/quick lunch before setting home.

For the guests, I mean.

Omg so they are travelling to see you and staying in a hotel and you think they should leave within an hour of lunch?? They are coming to see yous. I would be expecting them to stay the day all the days they are there. Or take them out.
Are you expecting they spend their time in the hotel and visit you for short periods? How awful. They make the effort to come every 2 months, do you realise how blessed yous are?

Lunch invite is two hours.

Anymore and it's getting into the host saying 'oh stay for another coffee/wine/margaritas or whatever'

That’s fair enough. So they need to sleep elsewhere, but surely you should be with them outside of this. If you had a spare room would you expect them to leave within an hour of lunch? I think you are rude, but I think their son is much worse. Awful way to treat your parents.

I think that's a long wait before, if lunch was 12:30 I'd arrive at 12 and stay until 2/2:30

Would you like to drip feed some more @purplebeansprouts.....

You clearly cannot stand your PIL, the whole long weekend seems to have been one verrrrry long chore and aggravation, and you can't wait to see the back of them.

If you actually described the background and outlined the details of what is going on, people might be more sympathetic and helpful.

Coming for lunch on a Sunday is a full-day event. Especially if you only see them 6 times a year. I wouldn't expected guests to leave before 6pm but probably later.

Midweek lunch, an hour after eating is fine.

How miserable. Hardly see them and then when you do you just want them to leave as quick as possible, even DH slyly saying things behind their back. Do they know they're not welcome? Horrible.

Haven't you ever known awful relatives that you have to endure? If not you're very lucky.

No. She hasn't said they're horrible, she just sounds miserable and DH is sly.

Christ what misery

If someone is paying for a hotel in order to see you, you really can't get huffy that they've stayed for a few hours after a low-effort lunch - even if you don't like them!

Also if my husband was texting me asking me why HIS family were still here, I'd wonder why I'd married a 12 year old. He's a grown man, they're his parents - why could he not just find a subtle way to ask them? Ick

Thank you

It's not a drip feed to clarify our dietary requirements.. it isn't relevant. It only became relevant once people started having a go at me for not giving them wine. Thought it would be helpful to point out it's a dry house (nothing wrong with that so stop with the judgey pants). And that no one involved eats pudding. It's not unusual. Loads of people go out and don't eat pudding. This is the same.

They had tea

We saw them for dinner on the first night then all day for the second day then Sunday was in their words "just popping in for lunch before we go"

If I'd given them dessert no one would have eaten it... so what's the point

I'd expect to chat during lunch then stay another 2 hours approx, unless my host was were old, infirm or had made it clear they had other commitments. Also depends a great deal on the relationship. If my adult son comes for breakfast he sometimes ends up staying for lunch too, because we are hanging out and he's easy company.

When hosting, I would always offer coffee, tea, soft drink or sparkling water and at minimum biscuits at some point after the meal too.

Why are people so hung up on OP not offering dessert or alcohol. Not everyone drinks or needs a drink to enjoy themselves. Also its lunch, you don’t need a big meal and dessert at lunch. OP has clearly hosted them for meals over the weekend and clearly has things to do on a Sunday afternoon / evening.

Thank you. It's not like I served them fish fingers and chips. Effort was made into the meal.

I think if you would have clarified the in-law visit in your original post, you would have had better answers.
Normally if I invited someone for lunch, arrival 30 minutes before, an hour at the table, and stay for a visit after the meal, so 2.5 - 3 hours total.
But family that has come from out of town I would expect to stay longer, or we would do something after lunch, like a walk, garden visit, etc., then say goodbye.

If your in-laws have a tendency to do this, then make plans mid afternoon and let them know you need to leave.

I'd find it very odd to literally just eat my lunch then get up and go..that would be very rude. But apparently this is exactly what you expected your in laws to do? Eat lunch at 12.30 then be out by 1.30! Bizarre 🤦‍♀️

You haven’t said how far they had travelled to visit you, yet OP.