How to get guests to leave after a lunch or dinner

[AnonymouseQuestion]

Does anyone else find guests hang around too long after a meal? If so how do you get them to leave without being rude?

Today we invited two friends for lunch at 1, we chatted, ate, had pudding, had coffee, chatted some more and by 4 I started to clear up sure they would leave. They stayed seated and chatting until 6.30! My in laws do this all the time too. Last weekend the in laws came for brunch and were still here at 3.30pm. In both cases I started clearing up and moving about but they took no hints.

I love having people around but I work full time and have three kids and I need sometime at weekends to sort my life and even, just possibly, be alone for a few moments. If I have people around for a meal I will already have spent hours before their arrival cooking and tidying for them.

I don’t want to be rude but surely 3 hours for lunch is a normal amount of time and most people would then move on? Would anyone think it’s OK to hang about until 6.30?

All ideas for moving guests on gratefully received as I don’t ever want to be rude or stop seeing friends and family but I do want some personal space.

For future, can you invent some excuse why everyone has to be gone by a certain time when you invite them?

I'd say after you've tidied everything away, and very clearly stopped offering food or drink, if they still don't get it...slightly wind down the convo, then start yawning very subtly and saying you're pretty knackered. Mention a few things you need to do before bed. Then hopefully that will prompt them to say what they're doing later and that they are getting moving.
Even just standing up and saying 'well, thank you so much for coming, it was great to see you...'
That should also make them say similar then sayonara. One would hope!
You must have great hospitality skills though so take that as a positive. X

Say when you invite them

"Would you like to come round for lunch on Sunday ?
Come for 12.30 - we'll eat at 1, but just to let you know we've got something else we need to do at 4.30 so hopefully you won't feel we are rude chucking you out by 4"

That’s very annoying and too long.

I'd probably just invent something you need to do or place you need to be and say " I'm so sorry to chuck you out but I need to.. (insert excuse)
Go to the supermarket to buy ingredients for a kids things they're making at school
Pick up something from the DIY store you need tomorrow straight after work.
Going ti the gym...

After lunch you can make up an excuse that you need to go somewhere, after dinner that you need to get up early the next day. Start yawning, tell them the kids need to go to bed. After lunch get the kids to play some boring game with them, or show them their collections.

Fk knows. I hate this. It ruins the whole thing.

I'd maybe say, 'from 1 til 5'.

Have a bath and put your pyjamas on.

Start making cocoa.

Well it was great seeing you, what are you doing for the rest of the day?

Thanks for coming. So when will we see you next?

It was lovely catching up make sure you don't forget your coat/bag/left over food.

Say you have to get ready for tomorrow now but lovely to see them.

We have a couple of friends we need to give a finish time too!

In future, when you issue invitations add in, we’ll only be able to host you until X o’clock as we’ve got other stuff going on.

Today I first tried clearing away and winding down chat, then said “gosh I’ve got some reading to do for work tomorrow it’s going to take ages”, then agreed to quiz my son on his biology revision while they sat there, my husband even went to get breakfast stuff from the shop before it closed and STILL they stayed. It was astonishing and I was getting almost panicked that I’d lose the whole evening.

This is why I don't invite people round

Last group overstayed their welcome by four hours

Get a fucking hint and leave

You just need to say with a side head tilt 'this has been lovely, let's do it again soon!!'

Just don't host? Meet out for lunch then you can leave and get on with your day.

If you don't like hosting for an afternoon don't? But moaning about people not leaving is just rude, I'd rather not come.

1-6pm seems like a perfectly normal afternoon with mates, food and few glasses of wine and a relaxing nice afternoon, from 1-3 is just a timed functional feeding time slot.

It was astonishing and I was getting almost panicked that I’d lose the whole evening.

^

This is how I feel. Panicked, which is ridiculous really but valid

I would say something like, "I hate to break up the party but I have some work to do / a friend to pick up / an early meeting tomorrow..."

I reckon I’d be a serious overstayer if I ever went anywhere any more - I have chronic adhd and I think over the years this kind of inability to deal with social situations or understand what I’m supposed to be doing has jus put me off going anywhere ever at all. It would be GREAT if people could get comfortable with setting boundaries - without feeling like it’s a huge issue just SAY!! - it’s awkward at both ends.

My dad hates noise so when they have started outstaying their welcome Dd and I start exhibiting our current flute/piano repertoire "for my mum". It makes dad really irritable and usually hastens their departure.

This is what I would go with

I didn’t say I was aiming at 1-3, I said I started clearing at 4. I agree 1-3 would be too short and perfunctory.

i love hosting, for a reasonable period of time.

Today I first tried clearing away and winding down chat

I mean, clearing away wouldn't be a hint to go, for me. When we have people round, I'd clear away and then we'd move into the other room to relax and chat.

then said “gosh I’ve got some reading to do for work tomorrow it’s going to take ages”

As these people aren't good at picking up subtle hints, then you need to spell it out :
“gosh I’ve got some reading to do for work tomorrow it’s going to take ages so I'm going to have to throw you out now" and go and get their coats.

You don't need an excuse or any elaborate subterfuge.

When they've finished their coffee, you stand up and say "This has been lovely, and I hate to do this but we've got a busy week so I'm going to have to say goodbye now so we can get ourselves sorted"

Why is that so alien to people??