To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

[purplebeansprouts]

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

Wow! They've come to see you, forked out for a hotel because you presumably don't want them staying with you, and you can't get rid of them fast enough.

Actually not wow, just sad. I don't know if you have children but if you do can you imagine not being welcome to see them as adults

I wouldn't invite anyone for lunch if I thought they were going to leave soon after! The whole point of it for me is to hang out and chat for an extended period. I think you can sort of play it by ear though - if someone wants you to leave they will usually hint at having something to do soon.

I treated them politely for YEARS. I put up with their digs for years.

We don't all live in houses with spare rooms for visitors

If your response to their rudeness is to be equally rude back, that’s your choice.

It doesn’t make expecting guests to show up for an hour and a half at most, serving one course, then expecting them to leave as soon as they put their knife and fork down any more polite.

No, I’d consider it rude to leave within in an hour of being fed. If lunch was at 12:30 I’d expect my guests to be leaving no earlier than 2:00 and no later than 5pm.

I didn't like my ex-PILs at all and I had good reasons, but if I invited them for lunch, I blocked out the day for them, gave them at least two courses of home-cooked, good quality food plus alcohol if they wanted it, and assumed they would stay long enough to play boardgames with the kids, go for a walk or sit around chatting and catching up before having afternoon tea/coffee and cake/biscuits. If they had stayed later for any reason I would have sucked that up. I had the whole evening to lie down with a cold compress on my head or get trashed on leftover wine. If they are so extraordinarily awful that you can't manage that, then meet them in a restaurant. I think you are rude and your attitude to hosting and/or being a guest is weird.

When I've been invited to lunch for say 1pm I would probably leave about 4
In your case, it appears you feel awkward seeing them
How does DP get on with his parents?
I see you have seen them for 3 days in a row and it might feel longer if it's hard going

Crikey. One course and hints to leave. You sound like miserable hosts!

I use offering a round of tea as a way of ending a meal and getting people to think about leaving. I saw it done by a female relative and it worked so well I’ve adopted it.

But that’s usually after many courses and hours and much wine consumed, so it shifts the mood nicely without people feeling like they’re unwanted. I have no idea how to make in laws leave because mine don’t drink or seem to really enjoy food that much so meals are not lingered upon.

I can imagine how you felt after a whole weekend of them and then them staying until 17:30 on the Sunday too after lunch though. I’d have gone for a lie down. If you spend many years cultivating a reputation as a bit of a Victorian lady people don’t tend to question it.

They probably stayed so long because of your sparkling wit and conversation OP.

Okay. They are rude and pick holes in everything you do all day, and you have treated them politely for YEARS, and put up with their digs for years.

I suspected there'd be quite a back story. So why do you see them so often, and for long weekends too?

Of course they are. I knew this before I began to read. Another pissy thread about in laws. Best go no contact.

We don't all live in houses with spare rooms for visitors

We used to sleep on the sofa and give in laws our bed 🤷‍♀️ (and yes they were fucking irritating...)

Even if they're happy to stay in a hotel rather than put you out, the point remains they came to see you. Not have a nice spa weekend in a hotel. And you clearly don't want to see them. You expected them to spend the morning, and last two evenings presumably, in their hotel room twiddling their thumbs. It's sad. That's all. Sad.

That sounds joyless.
Do they get offered a glass of wine, or coffee after this one-course lunch?

No we don't drink

@purplebeansprouts Unfortunately you didn't put all the details in your first post, which is why you are getting some of the replies you are getting. Drip-feeding is a bit frowned on, when posting on MN.

I think if your in-laws were spending the weekend at a hotel in order to spend time with you, then I would not have expected them to leave right after lunch ( depending how long it was going to take them to get home).

I understand you don't like them, so it seemed like forever, however you can't expect them to rush away when they are there specifically to spend time with you and their son! It's sad really that they were expected not to arrive too early as well.

Sorry about that I thought etiquette would be the same for everyone. I never usually stay long after lunch - about an hour, unless invited to stay.

Oh they might improve after they've had a glass of wine

If one of the things they pick holes in is your (you and your dh's) shortcomings as a hosts, tbh they may have a point.

I'd expect someone to arrive between 12-1 (unless I'd specified an exact time). I'd expect an acquaintance to leave by around 2.30 but family not before dinner time.

You must be horribly thirsty.

Do they drink? I'm teetotal and don't drink coffee but I'd offer both to guests.

Lunch at home? Be there for 11-1130 stay til 2/3 and have left by 330 at the latest.

I wouldn’t be arriving so early before lunch was served as I’d prefer to hang around afterwards so it didn’t look like I was eating and running and only there for the food.