To think if you're invited for lunch you should leave shortly after lunch?

[purplebeansprouts]

say you go round at 11 and then lunch is at12:30 I'd personally be making moves to leave at the most 1 hour after. aibu?

You sound a jolly old bunch!

You have to announce 'the walk'. They are welcome to join you for 'the walk'. Ideally it will be somewhere you need to drive to in all available cars, make sure they take everything with them. At the end of the walk you stand around by the cars telling them how lovely it has been to see them and you hope they have a safe trip back.

Or.. there are various medical conditions involved.

Good idea!

No, not shortly after lunch. I reckon an hour after the post lunch coffee?

Invited to lunch for 12. Lunch comes at 1pm. Coffee at 2pm. Leave at 3pm. Something like that.

In my circle now, an invite for lunch is always at the weekend, doesn't involve children (bliss) and in doing lunch rather than dinner the hosts are tacitly saying they'd like you to be on your way by late afternoon/early evening. Say 4 to 5pm.

When i invite someone for lunch (or the other way) it means i am expecting someone to come and spend time with me/us and i will be providing lunch so guests dont have to eat before they come to mine 🫣 they usually stay till 4-5 depends on other circumstances…otherwise i invite for a coffee/cake and no one stays half a day

All of this sounds a bit nuts but I can't believe you didn't even offer a tea or coffee after the meal or for the road? That's unspeakably rude.

Depends. If it was a midweek thing, you and a girlfriend or two having a simple, light meal then a couple of hours is more than sufficient.

If it's a family invitation to Sunday lunch then I'd expect to arrive around 12 to 12.30, to eat at around 1 to 1.30 and stay for most of the afternoon, but would definitely be gone by teatime.

Weekend lunch invite for friends or distant relatives would be arrive 1130am for lunch at 1pm. Lunch at the table lasts till about 2pm. Then an hour of socializing either a quick walk around the village, or gossiping in kitchen with another glass of wine over clean up (depending on guests) and then coffee and something sweet in living room or garden till about 4-4.30pm. Guests leave by 5pm.

However parents and in-law parents - come over and hang out as soon as you get up and stay for as long as possible before you have to go home.

You don't sound very welcoming OP, sorry, but they are your husband's parents!

Since they are family I'd have felt comfortable getting up and getting on with things I needed to do

Ah. I see. That explains a lot. You don't like them and don't want them there at all really, do you?

Or even 5 or 6 in my circle. Though we have been known to carry on til about10pm....
Depends on your friendship group I suppose.

I try to avoid inviting others for lunch. We'd traditionally aim for 1pm arrival, eating around 1.30, and then desperately hoping they go by 5. The morning is spent prepping for them and the evening spent cleaning up and decompressing. I'm in bed by 9 wondering ever the day went. But then i really do hate "socialising", I think it's a weird concept.

How many miles away do they live and do they travel by train, plane or car?

Personally if guests left straight after a lunch I had prepared, I would ask myself what I had done wrong as I think it would be rude of them.

In which case a dessert would have been nice, or a leisurely coffee afterwards.

Spending an hour and having linch makes the meal the main focus. Like going to the works canteen. So leaving after an hour makes it seem you were only there for the food.

Being given a plate of food, no drink, no dessert, no coffee is really rubbing it in that you’re making no effort for them. And if your feelings about them lingering are showing through as clearly as on this thread, you may find you’ve achieved your aim and they won’t return

If I was inviting people for lunch I'd ask them to come at 1, then we wouldn't eat till 1.30 at least. I'd expect to still be at the table at 3 enjoying pudding, coffee etc then we might go to the pub...
But I don't have kids and nor do any of my friends sooooo....

If lunch was at 12:30 I wouldn't expect to leave before 3, and maybe 4 or 5. It would be rude to eat and go.
But it depends what is going on. Obviously if the hosts are busy or not well, or if we were come to that, an early finish would be fine.
I've never been invited for lunch at 11am though. 12:30 would be the earliest I'd expect to arrive, to eat at 1pm.

Having read all your posts, it sounds as if you'd rather they didn't come at all and want to get rid of them asap. Whereas they think they only see you every 2 months and want to come for the day, pretty much. Neither of you is unreasonable or wrong for wanting what you want. But I think it is very normal in these circumstances for your visitors to arrive late morning and stay until tea time at least.

No it wouldn't. None of us eat dessert.

Why on earth are you having them over? if you don't know how to host properly then don't bother doing it..don't be rude..

Your surname isnt "Whiteadder" by any chance is it OP? You should maybe consider it as a username.

Or drink coffee? Or tea? Or a nice lemonade?

I have to wonder if them being unpleasant to you came before or after you made the fact you hold them in contempt very plain.

You have been a very poor host and none of your excuses can hide that fact. Either stop inviting them / letting them invite themselves or host them properly for a normal amount of time.

Thing is OP, you've presented this as solely a lunch invite. The sort of invite you'd make to local family or friends.

It's completely different when they have come away for the weekend specifically to see you. And you've been really rude.

If your best friend invited you over for the weekend, but said she didn't have a spare bed so would you mind staying in a nearby hotel, try and imagine how you'd feel if she said 'oh don't turn up before 11' and expected you to leave shortly after lunch. Pretty pissed off given the effort you'd made to go and see her.