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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Left DP at pub to get home on his own

313 replies

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:34

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 02/11/2024 21:37

Of course you’re not being unreasonable. And the wedding pick up is AWFUL

he sounds awful

Imnotarestaurant · 02/11/2024 21:37

Let him walk.

2024onwardsandup · 02/11/2024 21:37

Tell him to get a taxi

HermoinePotter · 02/11/2024 21:38

He’d be walking if he was mine. It was his choice to stay out and your child needs to get settled for the night.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 02/11/2024 21:38

Send him the taxi number?

Stormyweatheroutthere · 02/11/2024 21:39

Ignore the text.. Tell him later you were asleep.. Absolutely no way would I be taking a baby out to collect an arsehole.

Ponderingwindow · 02/11/2024 21:39

Tell him it’s time to start acting like a parent.

you don’t need to expend any energy picking him up. He should have ended the outing when your child was done for the day. Your baby doesn’t need to get dragged back out while you play chauffeur.

curtaintwitcher78 · 02/11/2024 21:39

Don't you dare pick him up. He was warned.

Spagettifunctional · 02/11/2024 21:40

You’re asleep 😉

ACynicalDad · 02/11/2024 21:41

If you pick him up you enable him. Don't. My wife was quite brutal to me and expected me to do more than my fair share any day I had a hangover, a few years on I barely drink.

TigerSteak · 02/11/2024 21:41

Do not pick him up. What an arse!

StarDolphins · 02/11/2024 21:42

I would say a big, hard NO! He had the chance of a lift & declined. Legs or taxi now pal.

2024onwardsandup · 02/11/2024 21:43

Will he be abusive because you don’t pick him up?

SeaToSki · 02/11/2024 21:43

Turn your phone off, get an early night and hold your boundary. He is taking the piss

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:44

2024onwardsandup · 02/11/2024 21:43

Will he be abusive because you don’t pick him up?

No, just pissed off with me probably.

OP posts:
Jackiebrambles · 02/11/2024 21:45

What a useless twat, I can’t believe he had you pick him up at 2am, 10 days after giving birth with an infection, I’m horrified by that!!

MellowPanda · 02/11/2024 21:45

Whqt kind of dad upsets a babies routine and partner forces mum out to pick up drunkard?

Ignore or text taxi number. Please your baby who deserves to be at home, not disturbed to enable this misogynistic behaviour

dogfail · 02/11/2024 21:45

No you shouldn't be getting a baby up to collect your husband. Put your phone on silent and go to bed

Tiswa · 02/11/2024 21:45

of course you aren’t being unreasonable - having a baby/child means prioristing their needs over yours and understanding that sometimes what you could do pre baby isn’t the same now. Expecting to be able to drink and then have his partner collect him is always cheeky behaviour he is a grown man he can look after himself

RosieFlamingo · 02/11/2024 21:46

I wouldn't pick him up, you're feeding and settling baby, there's no way they should be dragged out now especially as it's getting chilly. I would feel guilty for saying no though as I'm a people pleaser too, but would definitely not pick up, especially as he had the opportunity for a lift home with you.

Changingplace · 02/11/2024 21:47

He’s being a selfish arse, he can get a taxi or walk like he said he would- no way to taking a small baby out at this time, he’s awful.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 02/11/2024 21:48

Switch your phone off. Don’t you dare go pick him up. You have a child, you don’t need another…

violentovulation · 02/11/2024 21:49

Do not pick him up.

OchAyeTheN00 · 02/11/2024 21:49

DO NOT PICK HIM UP. Selfish prick.

AquaPeer · 02/11/2024 21:49

You poor thing- what a selfish bugger. I’m a bit of a townie admittedly but surely he can get some form of taxi or public transport at least part way?! Who cares anyway, he’ll find his way home somehow. Put your phone on do not disturb 😏

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