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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Left DP at pub to get home on his own

313 replies

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:34

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

OP posts:
WYorkshireRose · 02/11/2024 22:26

How long will you continue putting up with this OP? Dragging a baby out of bed at night to pick up their waste of space father from the pub? It's not a good look, and makes you as bad as him IMO.

Missreginafalange · 02/11/2024 22:27

Ponderingwindow · 02/11/2024 21:39

Tell him it’s time to start acting like a parent.

you don’t need to expend any energy picking him up. He should have ended the outing when your child was done for the day. Your baby doesn’t need to get dragged back out while you play chauffeur.

Edited

This, he's a man child.

violentovulation · 02/11/2024 22:27

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

No he wouldn't. She'd be getting a bollocking for leaving her baby with her husband and getting sloshed, while he went home.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/11/2024 22:28

"No. I said when I left that you would have to get yourself home, so get yourself home. We have a baby now, time to stop just thinking about yourself you selfish twat. Better still, dont bother coming home at all because I dont want to see or speak to you right now"

4forksache · 02/11/2024 22:28

Will he know you’ve read it? if not, I’d just pretend you fell asleep and didn’t see/hear it.

Maray1967 · 02/11/2024 22:29

Your child needs to be in bed. Your other child can walk home. And I can’t believe you drove 20 days pp with an infection. No way would I have done that unless for an emergency, and neither would my DH have asked. Yours needs to learn one big lesson.

He chose to stay out drinking. There are consequences- and he needs to accept them.

Maray1967 · 02/11/2024 22:30

10 days - but 20 would have been bad as well!

PaminaMozart · 02/11/2024 22:31

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2024 22:05

Not half as pissed off as you should have been when you went out for him shortly after giving birth!

What on earth were you thinking?

He needs to grow up and realise he's a parent and he needs to be a better one than he is a partner!

Start putting your foot down

This. If you were to pick him up now you'd be making a rod for your own back.

Does he even begin to realise the magnitude of the responsibility he has taken on by becoming a parent?

AgainandagainandagainSS · 02/11/2024 22:32

BananaSpanner · 02/11/2024 22:25

Seeing as she’s gone quiet, I bet she’s picked him up.

Or hopefully gone to bed.
I can imagine tomorrow will be rather silent in their house…

StampOnTheGround · 02/11/2024 22:33

I really hope you didn't pick him up!

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 02/11/2024 22:34

Sounds like you have two babies...

Tell him to walk or spend his own money on a taxi.

itsmylife7 · 02/11/2024 22:35

StampOnTheGround · 02/11/2024 22:33

I really hope you didn't pick him up!

Bet she did but hope I'm wrong.

Amammai · 02/11/2024 22:36

He needs to switch himself on to parent mode. You have probably been fully in that mode since you found out you were pregnant! He is being selfish and immature. I have no problem with my husband going our for drinks etc. and it is something I absolutely love to do too, but we each arrange our own way back. Simple as that. Uber/lift share/walk but I would never expect him to bring the kids out to pick me up and the same for him. It’s just not fair on thee other person of the baby/child!!

Whenlifegiveslemons · 02/11/2024 22:36

I'm livid for you - 10 days postpartum, with an infection & to have you bring your 10 day old baby out late at night to collect him?! Its a hard no from me. He shouldn't even be out drinking with a 10 day old baby at home & 10 day pp partner! He's a grown man, he can make his own way home and you don't need to give it a second thought. "No I can't bring dd out that late" - I'd literally never do that for my husband. And I don't think he'd ever ask me too.

Spasisters · 02/11/2024 22:37

Please tell me you never picked him up, total selfish prick. He needs to learn life has now changed.

GrazingSheepy · 02/11/2024 22:37

The bar for men gets lower every day on Mn....

EdithBond · 02/11/2024 22:39

Say you’re not picking him up as you’re feeding the baby, having looked after her while he’s been getting pissed. Honesty is best policy. And that’s completely reasonable. You’re not being difficult. Don’t let him make you feel you are.

He’ll have to decide for himself whether to get a cab, ask a mate for a lift, walk home or crash at your friends. As he would if you were away with the baby and he went out drinking. You’re not responsible for him, as you’re not his mother and he’s not a child.

HarkALark · 02/11/2024 22:39

I've not RTFT and I appreciate I'm a cynic, but I had one of these. Defective. Had to throw the whole man out in the end.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/11/2024 22:40

We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere

I know this is many peoples idea of bliss but this would bug the bejeesus out of me living so far removed .

This won;t be the last time someone has to drive at daft-o'clock .
And when the DC starts school, or nursery , or goes out to friends or sports , there will be loads of "Well I;m not available" or "I drove last time"

<Not the point I know >

Longsight2019 · 02/11/2024 22:41

OP - did you collect?

Ghosttofu99 · 02/11/2024 22:42

He is clearly used to being the ‘child’ in your relationship. Now your DD comes first. Don’t let him pressure you into doing things that don’t work for you and the baby.

DreadPirateRobots · 02/11/2024 22:44

He can fucking sort himself out. You've pandered to him far too much as it is.

Marmalady75 · 02/11/2024 22:45

Ignore the text. Let him figure it out all by himself.

RachelNoire · 02/11/2024 22:46

His poor behaviour will never change. You need to start as you mean to go on. He sounds incredibly selfish and immature. I bet you’ve felt grateful he messaged you and you’ve gone to pick him up?

LouLou198 · 02/11/2024 22:47

Settle your baby, turn your phone off and go to bed!
You must be exhausted with a 4 month old.
In my experience behaviour like this unfortunately doesn't change.

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