Left DP at pub to get home on his own

[Confused2691]

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

Feel no guilt and don't question what you have done you did the right thing for you and your DD he did not- his choice. He made his bed let him lie in it and do not pick him up if he calls.

He sounds a delight! How selfish,you and your baby should be his priority at all times.

Not half as pissed off as you should have been when you went out for him shortly after giving birth!

What on earth were you thinking?

He needs to grow up and realise he's a parent and he needs to be a better one than he is a partner!

Start putting your foot down

This is about the wellbeing of your child and yourself. He sounds selfish and coercive you need to be strong. And make sure you have some support from friends.

He'd be getting a serious talking to if he was my partner. What an absolute kn*b

100% this

This
100%

I wouldn't pick him up. He is an adult he made his choice.
You had been out for hours with a 4 month old . They need routine. And I bet you were shattered.
He sounds very selfish and that he hasn't started to put you and your baby first over his enjoyment

This is where the mn collective tell him to FOTTFSOFATFOSM!!
Do not leave your house to collect this selfish prick.

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

Look after the child you have at home, not the child in the pub!

He really needs to grow up.

He’s a selfish twat. Let him make his own way home and don’t let him make you feel guilty. He needs to step up and be a better father to his child and a better partner to you.

He’s a parent, his life has changed. He needs to accept that.

fwiw we did quite a lot of pub trips when babies were small and portable, so I don’t judge the activity per se - but he doesn’t seem to understand that baby comes first now.

What a knob - don't even contemplate - would honestly just message back no chance you're a grown man sort yourself out start walking (you total prick)

Of course you can't, baby is feeding, and then I would assume baby in bed! He'll have to get himself a taxi.

You are NOT being unreasonable. He is. The needs of a young baby come first. In fact the needs of a young baby frequently come before a parents need for sleep, hot food and etc , let alone his desire to go to the pub!!

please don’t go and collect him. You are feeling your child. Once you’ve finished feeding I hope you can both get some sleep (though you may be tying yourself into knots over this).

take heart from the unanimous response on here !! Everyone thinks he is out of order

Nope she’d be told to get a taxi

YANBU. He’s an adult so should be able to get himself home, and a parent so should put the child’s need first.

No he wouldn’t and it would never be reversed because this OP clearly puts her child before her own needs. Stupid post.

Nah he can fuck right off! You have a baby to feed and settle, a baby he is 50% responsible for and the stupid dick thinks he can stay put drinking while you take baby home and get you to pick him up when he wants.

Can't he crash on your friend's sofa? I wouldn't be going out to pick him up with a 4m old baby! He's a grown man, he wanted to stay out instead of coming home with you, he can sort himself out!

Like fuck would he!

Do met us know how this turned out in the morning

I have never once in our 16 years together picked Dh up from anywhere. He’s a grown up. If he wants to go out with friends, the responsibility is his to figure out how to get home. We live equally rurally. 95% of the time if he goes out, which is only every other month or so, for a big night out, he will stay over with his friends who live in a village/town and drive himself home the next day. You have a 4 month old. You need sleep. He won’t be up at 6am tomorrow with the baby giving you a lie in. This absolutely won’t be sustainable with a 2 year old or a 5 year old.

Seeing as she’s gone quiet, I bet she’s picked him up.