Left DP at pub to get home on his own

[Confused2691]

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

Don't pick him up tomorrow either, he can make his own way home as agreed.

An hours walk is nothing. Leave him to get on with it.

Yay, yet another selfish prick who thinks that he donates sperm but otherwise his life goes on exactly as before, revolving around his needs.

It would have to be an actual emergency for me to put a baby in the car late at night to go collect dh. It’s never happened.

I would reply along the lines of:

This is not what we agreed. Please do not stroll home at 11am after I've been up for five hours with baby.

I don't know if you've lost the instruction manual, but please activate 'parent mode' immediately. I think it's usual for it to be activated at around the third trimester, so you are definitely well behind schedule and it's getting a bit embarrassing and wearisome.

I know. How fucking depressing.

YANBU. He is being selfish. When you have a 4 month old baby, you have to cater to their needs before your own need for a pint down the pub.

Are you new to Mumsnet? If this were reversed on here it is statistically far more likely that the op either a) wouldn’t have gone out after her dh wasn’t happy or b) would have been home hours ago after he sent her 12 texts about how it was too hard to get baby to bed.

He agreed he would make his own way home and he can do that tomorrow as well.

This he really isn’t or is choosing not to get it at all is he

Well, don't pick him up tomorrow either! He can make his own way home. Selfish immature idiot.

Of course your are not being unreasonable, he is a selfish prick, who put drink first before his family.
Let the idiot walk home, serves him right.
I'd also turn the phone off so he couldn't call for a lift

He can think it all he wants, doesn't make it true. I'm pissed off for you, the cheeky fuckery of him is astounding!

Your better off he's staying at his friends no annoying drunk around you and no stinking of alcohol. I'd say it's a win win. X

So he will turn up mid afternoon probably, after a lift from his mate who agreed that you are a selfish unreasonable bitch.

Forget him engaging parent mode, time for you to engage BITCH mode. Go insane on his ass. This wont change as long a you run around after him. Sorry to say this but you have made his life too easy to the point where he now expects it.

Get angry. Point out that you wanted to leave and he didnt, despite the fact that your baby has needs that outweigh his wants. Point out that he said he would get himself home and yet still called you for a lift. Point out that he is father and now and has responsibilities to his child and ask him what he thinks would have happened if you had said "OK lets both stay and get pissed". Then get REALLY angry when he says that it was up to you to take the baby home but would it have killed you to give him a lift. Do not back down for anything.

Then tell him that he is in charge next weekend as you are having a weekend off. If you are EBF then that is all you will do, if you are FF then its all on him.

Send him a taxi number and tell him to use it

You certainly have a problem being with him if he thinks his behaviour is fine and you are being unreasonable.

Firstly it’s ludicrous that he didn’t come home with you, secondly ridiculous that he can’t logically recognise that if you live rurally his options for getting home need to be pre planned with a taxi booked. But most importantly the fact he thinks you are being unreasonable in this situation speaks volumes that is very worrying for the present and future.

But I suppose he showed his true colours a while ago. I would be worried for my future and reassessing my relationship with someone clearly not ready for family life.

I would have picked him up but only because I wouldn’t be able to settle and worry at the thought of him walking an hour through a dark lane.

Please show him this, as we all think he is an arse and are wondering why you procreate with him.

Baby is only 4 months old. Unfortunately, I think it's only going to get worse and harder for you. Give him an ultimatum. Tell he you will leave if he ever tries to disrespect you like that again.

What to make sure that the useless selfish git was ACTUALLY run over, instead of only maybe?

Because otherwise I cannot imagine why any woman would lose sleep over an arsehole like this.

And the next time he wants to stay somewhere and get his drunk on, tell him he is on his own and not to call. Then, go home and turn your phone off.

Being a parent is more important than being drunk and foolish or being out with friends. It's long past time he learns that valuable lesson.
Luckily, your baby has a Mommy who understands that and puts them first.

He is behaving like a dickhead.

I’m actually worried for you that you picked him up 10 days pp in such pain. Heck, I can hardly believe he went to the wedding.

Honestly OP think about your mothering instincts now, and the kind of partner you hope your DD might have in the future. The make sure you demand and expect that high level of treatment at al times so she can learn what the bar is. He is treating you with so little care and respect, it’s really quite sad. With a 4 month old I get you might be tired and unable to stand up for yourself so if there is someone who would speak to him as well do that, and if not just keep your DD to the front of your mind. If it wouldn’t be good enough for her, it’s not good enough for you.

@Confused2691 you're definitely not being unreasonable

but nice try DP 😂😂😂
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