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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Left DP at pub to get home on his own

313 replies

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 21:34

DP and I spent this afternoon (from 3pm) at our nearby friends. We had our 4m DD with us. DP and friends drinking, me not. We live at the end of a single track lane basically in the woods so have to drive everywhere, including the friends from today 10/15 mins away.

At 6pm we all walked to the local bonfire and fireworks. Got back to our friends village at 8.30pm. DP then told me he wanted to go for dinner and some more drinks at the local pub. Given it had been a long day for DD, past her usual bedtime and hadn’t slept much I said no, explaining why to DP and that we should go home. DP refused, saying he wanted another drink. He offered to not eat and just have a drink but I again repeated we needed to get home for DD who wasn’t very happy. He again said he wanted to stay so I said fine but I was going home in the car and he would have to find his own way home if he stayed. He said fine, he’ll walk. I left with DD.

The walk will take an hour at least and none of which on pavements. Both ways include walking down a main road with no pavements or streetlight. He could try a taxi but unlikely to get one at this time as we’re not in the big town. For background context, I always try to make an effort to pick him up if he’s out with friends drinking and I’m with DD at home. However he has been insensitive in the past such as refusing to make alternate arrangements for transport after a wedding when I was 10 days PP so I had to pick him up at 2am.. I hadn’t driven yet as was nervous to drive with baby and had an infected episiotomy so was still in pain driving. There is nothing other than the additional cost stopping him from booking a taxi, he has before, but he doesn’t. I think I need to put my foot down as he keeps taking advantage of me being a people pleaser. I’m also annoyed he couldn’t understand that our baby DD needed to go home.

That said, he thinks I’m being unreasonable so maybe I am. What do you think?

P.S he has just messaged asking me to pick him up! Currently feeding DD.

OP posts:
ArabellaFishwife · 02/11/2024 22:47

He didn't take you seriously when you said he'd have to walk home. He thought you were just bitching about him having a good time. When will he start to take his responsibilities seriously?

ManhattanPopcorn · 02/11/2024 22:47

In the examples you've given he's telling you that alcohol is more important to him than you are.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 02/11/2024 22:48

Edingril · 02/11/2024 22:10

Well I'd this was reversed on here he would be expected to pick you up

No way!
I’d never expect DH to pick me up when dc were either getting ready for or in bed.
Id have gone home instead of going for another drink or arranged a taxi.

Monstermashermashedthemonster · 02/11/2024 22:49

I wouldn't be collecting him he had his chance when you told him you was going home.

Wolframandhart · 02/11/2024 22:50

HarkALark · 02/11/2024 22:39

I've not RTFT and I appreciate I'm a cynic, but I had one of these. Defective. Had to throw the whole man out in the end.

Probably this.

but absolutely dont pick him up.

Jeschara · 02/11/2024 22:51

Do not pick him up. He has to learn. If you do you are making a rod for your own back.
He is a arrogant idiot, you told him you were going home, he said he would walk, let him do that.
Please do not enable him.

Projectme · 02/11/2024 22:51

Drink and friends more important to you and HIS daughter? Selfish fucker.

Please tell me you ignored his text and went to bed.

Willowtree6 · 02/11/2024 22:52

Absolutely do not go and get him. He is taking advantage of your good nature and he must know it.

PennyLongLegs · 02/11/2024 22:53

Don't pick him up! He's a grown man, he can work out a way to get home or he can crash at a friend's house. Either way, he'll be fine, but for you to get yourself out of your PJs, wake a sleeping baby (!!!) and drive to pick him up? He is being very self-centred, and unfortunately babies win every time. They must come first, always, as must you as a new mum. You just have to change the way you live when you become a parent, there's no way around it. When he wakes up, hopefully with a massive hangover, I would hand him the baby and go out for a few hours...you only ever have a bad hangover once when you have a baby! Then you learn to never ever do it again.

Therealjudgejudy · 02/11/2024 22:55

No way would i be picking him up!

pikkumyy77 · 02/11/2024 22:55

Bit too much home truth for poor OP.

Teaortea · 02/11/2024 22:56

Obviously no you shouldn't feel bad for not picking him up, you did warn him after all.

However, going forward in case you did pick him up, I think it's probably helpful to have a plan in place for future episodes.
Maybe tell him this is definitely the last time as you need to be putting DD first.
Tallk to him about how he's not supporting you or your DD and suggest ways he can do more to be involved.

AlwaysGinPlease · 02/11/2024 22:57

What kind of man expects his wife to turn out in the night with his 4 month old baby. He's a cunt. That would be an unread text and strong words in the morning.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 02/11/2024 22:58

No, not in a month of Sundays!!!

What kind of partner or dad thinks this is ok...???!

Tink3rbell30 · 02/11/2024 22:59

Nope he can make his own way.

Gettoachiro · 02/11/2024 23:00

Hope you didn't take little one out and go and pick up this selfish arsehole.

Good chance you are tired and you shouldn't be driving anywhere if so for such a non emergency.

MistyMountainTop · 02/11/2024 23:00

This isn't real, surely? No mother would disturb very young baby in order to pick up an adult who has been warned that she can't? Surely not, that would be appalling parenting

user1471556818 · 02/11/2024 23:01

Imnotarestaurant · 02/11/2024 21:37

Let him walk.

Totally time to lay down new rules tomorrow. Go to bed and get some rest

BobbyBiscuits · 02/11/2024 23:01

He's a grown man. Of course he needs to safely make his own way home. One of you needs to parent the kids and he was unwilling. Why not just have another drink or two at home if you really need to. He was being really selfish. But I'd hope he's reasonable enough to know he's in no position to moan if it takes him ages to get home and he's cold and wet. Presuming there's no taxis?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/11/2024 23:03

In my relationship, this would be such an oddity I'd be pleased he was out with friends and would get the baby ready for bed, then put them in the car and nip out for him.

But in your relationship, I wouldn't... Cause he has form for being an arsehole.

thaisweetchill · 02/11/2024 23:04

Absolutely not, what a selfish arse hole!

I made it clear to my DP that I will not pick him up past 7.30 if he goes out as that's our son's bedtime and he's never once broken that boundary. I would put my phone on silent and go to sleep.

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
ImNunTheWiser · 02/11/2024 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wolframandhart · 02/11/2024 23:06

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

So his solution, or rather his punishment for you, is to leave you alone with the baby all night. He is an arsehole.

ImNunTheWiser · 02/11/2024 23:08

Confused2691 · 02/11/2024 23:05

Thank you for all your responses.

I did not pick him up. He is staying at the friends house. I hope this is a wake up call for him but not sure - we did speak and he still thinks I am being unreasonable.

But you discussed it and he said ‘ok, I’ll walk back’.
Remind him of that.