I want to find clever friends

[NeverSatisfiedYou]

I want to find interesting people who I can chat about highbrow (and lowbrow stuff) with. I have friends but the ones who fulfil this brief and nourish me live far away and my local friends make me feel like I’m faking it.
I know it makes me sound like a dick but ‘clever’ is how I phrase it, I think I mean engaged.
How do I meet people who are like me? Have you?
my AIBU is - is it unreasonable to require this and look for it specifically? Or am I being a snob?

I know what you mean. Perhaps it's more than just being clever - being cultured, like minded and just not ignorant!
I have quite a few friends like this that I've just met throughout life. At various different jobs, university etc. You could join some groups and meet people that way.

Is MENSA still a thing?

Always good to have a variety of friends with varied interests, but “clever” is definitely not the adjective you are looking for, as you know.

You are looking for more varied friends with things in common, ie interest in literature. You can be proactive in this, perhaps joining a book club, volunteering as a school governor if interested in education, Open University course, FE college course, find clubs that offer what matches your interests. If politics is your thing, join the local party that suits your flavour of politics. There are often talks given at the local art club, flower group, church etc. Seek and ye shall find!

Take up a hobby or activity that is likely to attract people who are interested in the world, my gran is a member of her local historical society and her friends from there are fascinating, have had hugely varied life experiences but are switched on

Either join a club or volunteer in an area that covers a field you enjoy. What about a debating society?

Like a romantic relationship with friendships we want to feel like we click and vibe with them too. It nourishes the soul. I don't think you ever find the perfect person in any walk of life but I have wondered and questioned in the past whether I really actually like someone or they like me but I think it's more that we are different and it's ok to recognise that differences existsl and to strive for more meaningful connections.

MENSA still exists

Wanting like-minded friends is now weird apparently.

You could join a book club or a night class maybe?

I think you mean people who want to have the same kinds of conversations as you, rather than simply clever. I know about all sorts of stuff and could hold my own in a conversations about a lot of things, if I needed too. However, I don't want to. Not with friends anyway. I prefer to experience things with friends.

My point is, it's fine for your criteria to be 'friends who want to talk about the same stuff as me' How you find that is another matter, possibly special interest groups?

I know exactly what you mean. I have a huge variety of people hang out with. Some of them oare brilliant for a night out and have lots of fun with them, but if I try and have a conversation about anything like politics, arty shit or philosophy they not the least bit interested. That's fine, they like talking about stuff that I'm not interested in (this could be formula 1, reality TV shows, opera, for example).

I completely understand you and that's why it's good to have friends from different parts of your life. I really need this kind of sustenance and whilst i do get it from some friends, i don't her it from others (though they have their value in other ways of course).

I would suggest joining a book group, doing an evening class, pursuing a hobby in a particular area. I volunteered ages ago for a particular group and now i can talk about political philosophy till I'm full with those participants.

Eventbrite also offers lots of activities which might fulfil your needs. I do workshops on my specific interests that way.

Hope you find what you need. And please ignore that first comment to your OP thread. It was an ignorant thing for them to say.

What do you mean by this?

my local friends make me feel like I’m faking it

do you try talking to them about the high brow things you’re interested in? I have a range of friends with different interests and would discuss different books/current affairs/podcasts/etc with each

Ooh I know what you mean. It's tough! I eventually made friends at work who ticked those boxes.

MereDintofPandiculation · Today 11:58

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 11:53
Is MENSA still a thing?

MENSA still exists

There you go, OP.

I think I mean that I’m fitting in with them but I’m not fully being myself - I’d prefer some more conversation, more jokes and meaty opinions rather than the lovely but shallow conversations we have.

thank you for the responses so far! I appreciate it.

I know exactly what you mean.

For me the difference is friends I know through my work, which attracts a ‘type’ ! - and others - the local connections, the school people etc.

If there’s a career link then maybe that’s the key.

If it means talking more about current affairs, the environment or a good book I've read, rather than Love Island, Bake-off or Selleb Influencers I'm right with you OP.

There's probably a gap in the market for an OLD style app nowadays, to help people find friendship rather than dating. Friends Reunited was good back in the day, but I think it got taken over and then decommissioned. Bumble and Meetup have been given good reviews but I don't have any actual experience of them.

ETA - I think it's about "meeting of minds" rather than any specific topics of conversation. I have a very firm friend from our local yoga class. We don't ever talk about yoga, we just happened to meet that way. We talk about everything from what our families are doing, to the US election, to what's going on in our gardens. All quite random, but we always put the world to rights when we meet.

I had people in my family just like this who mocked anyone for 'getting above their station'.

I was going to suggest Mensa.
They do events and meets ups and there are special interest groups .
I'm a Mensa member. I don't go to any of the events but I get the monthly magazine and news letters and stuff. Those that do go to the events seem to enjoy themselves

What people said about finding clubs and activities. Meetup and Eventbrite could work for that. Would generally advise avoiding sport-based ones.

Avoid mums, especially ones who work basic part time jobs or are full stay at home parents. They are the worst for basic conversation.

If there are any landmarks associated with science or business (or whatever you're interested in) in your area that could help.

Also some local classes aimed at adults could help (not adult education ones designed for people to learn basics) - our local university does a range of thought-provoking short classes. Not community centres/community led places as again, basic.

It took me decades to realise it but most of my close friends have ADHD and/or autism.

I find small talk boring. I tend to be quite open, think deeply about stuff, go off on tangents, interrupt... I get on with other people with this conversation style along with a silly sense of humour.

When I talk to neurotypical people I spend a lot of time worrying afterwards about whether I talked too much/not enough, overshared, interrupted or was rude or intense or otherwise annoyed them.

"Avoid mums" 🤣

Sorry if it's already been mentioned, but I went on Bumble for friendship and wrote my profile in such a way that I'd connect with similar people. I've met three lovely local women who are similar enough to me for us to get along, but different enough to keep things interesting!