I want to find clever friends

[NeverSatisfiedYou]

I want to find interesting people who I can chat about highbrow (and lowbrow stuff) with. I have friends but the ones who fulfil this brief and nourish me live far away and my local friends make me feel like I’m faking it.
I know it makes me sound like a dick but ‘clever’ is how I phrase it, I think I mean engaged.
How do I meet people who are like me? Have you?
my AIBU is - is it unreasonable to require this and look for it specifically? Or am I being a snob?

Great thread! I remember how weird it was on first having children; it becomes the locus of all female chat for a while. I had to take care to keep friends outside of that.

I always think of it as people who think on the same level as me.

It doesn't mean clever necessarily but it means interested and enquiring IMO.

Visit your local library and join some groups there

Apologies @mimblewimble that was meant for
@goawaynottoday .

Maybe I'm not in the clever club after all...

OP, I know exactly what you mean. I've got acquaintances who are lovely, but I can't consider "friends" as I don't feel like I can talk to them properly. Their interests are not like mine and so I feel like I'm faking interest for a lot of conversations. I honestly do like them! But I can only be around them in small splurges because it just isn't the same. I barely watch TV, for example. Like a few shows but that's it. No idea about celebrity stuff. Fashion? Over my head. I just dress in what I like. Those are the things they want to talk about.

I met my friends (with the same interests) in all sorts of places. Book groups, writing groups, work (publishing), conferences, gallery exhibitions openings, archery, fencing, geeky things like Renaissance Fairs (I make historical outfits and DH is a historian), online in online writing groups (I used to moderate some huge creative writing forums).

This has been over the course of maybe 15 years? So while I've a big circle now, it took time. But even now, I meet new people regularly! See what's in your area that you may enjoy. It does take a bit of work, needing to get out and do more stuff, but it's worth it. Just make sure you enjoy the hobby you take on, don't drag yourself through something you find dull just for the sake of meeting a new friend!

Don’t move to the outskirts of london, you certainly won’t find them here 🤣 I am the same OP, some mind numbing people out there and it’s getting worse as people get older and have kids.

OP can you join a book club? Start a night course? Get some creative/ academic/ worldly friends?

I know exactly what yiu mean . It's not necessarily about being clever because I don't think I am, but it's about having people that are interested in similar interests as yourself.
I don't have many friends quite a loner but when you talk to somebody that gets you it's refreshing I think there's alot of folk that don't listen to news etc. I love being on this forum but I wish in real life I had more engagement

You are talking absolute nonsense.

A significant portion of the adult population are parents. I have several very good friends with children who I speak with about all manner of topics.

Sounds like your particular circle of parent friends are dull as - but if you think that no parents are interested in politics, the economy, philosophy, culture, technology etc., you must be living under a rock or not talking to many parents.

Parents have more vested interest in most of those topics than most people - they are raising the next generation. I don't think I know any parents who aren't interested in politics.

Someone to have an actual conversation with, not just “have a laugh” would be nice indeed. Somehow most people around me are only interested in dressing like Love Island participant and drink rosé by magnums. I must be getting old and boring, but in this transition I struggle to find other old and boring people - everyone else is desperately clinging to “youth”. Meh.

I'm the same. It is to do with intelligence I think because everyone I've met with that conversational style is intelligent. But I guess you also roll your eyes at the 'high brow' and MENSA stuff. I mean, my ND friends don't discuss great works of literature and classical music...that would be insanely pretentious and ridiculous! And some people with high IQs are only good at IQ tests....that reasoning isn't applied to real life situations.

We talk about random things but a lot of it is philosophical in nature. We share the silly things we've done and we share stories/videos/books that we think are appropriate and helpful. Like someone shares something and I'll say 'Oh you'll probably like this Gabor Maté video that I saw ages ago' etc. It's like a mutual therapy session. I've moved away from my friends and live with a mother who used to have the high IQ with the lack of reasoning (now has dementia), and it's hell on Earth. This is probably a very very annoying thing to say, but it feels like most people are a different species.

Yes - and it's so divisive.

If I like someone, I probably have a rough idea of their political views but I don't want them to be explicit about them. I'm interested in politics but not party-politics. I've never found any party which coincides with my views completely - all the 3 main ones have something to contribute. I'm happy with a broad-church of opinion among my friends and would be put off by dogmatism or narrow-mindedness - anyone who claimed to hate Tories, for example. (Er - that's half the population you're despising!)

how have you come to this conclusion? or is it a feeling you have based on the people around you?

HamptonPlace · Today 13:58
unintelligent people bore me. Life is too short.

There are different ways of being intelligent, though. And some uneducated people are clearly intelligent.

I think people with no interests or enthusiasms are boring. Or those who just go through life not noticing anything but their screen! Look at the autumn colours...that bird...that amazing building or garden...or outfit.

I've met some people who just have no interest in the world around them and they are very boring to me.

@HamptonPlace

HamptonPlace · Today 13:58
unintelligent people bore me. Life is too short.**

This made me really chuckle!

Not my experience here just north-west of London.

You must be doing it wrong!

What a sad way to view mothers.

Haven't read every single update, but your initial post resonates with me! I'd like to find friends locally to me that I can have like minded conversations with, find friends that will nourish my soul, that will challenge my thinking, and uplift me intellectually. I have few friends like that but they now live in different countries to me. We all know have small families and we only just about keep in touch...

Or Densa…going by this thread

@goawaynottoday do you have children?

This is probably a very very annoying thing to say, but it feels like most people are a different species.

not “annoying”

but certainly sounds like you must be very lonely to think this, living away from your friends with your ill mother @CharlotteLucas3

"people like you".

Like what, exactly? You don't know anything about me! And no, I don't typically ask about my close friends' kids; the several great friends I have who are still in the midst of rearing small children come out to socialise to get away from talking about poo and spelling tests. I'm not interested in small talk and neither are they.

I know what you mean. Most of the people where I live only care about going to the pub and watching Love Island. I'm hardly the most cultured or intelligent person in the world but I'm curious and like to learn new things and discuss weird/random topics. I have more in common with my Brazilian language tutor who I meet with online than most of the people I encounter on a daily basis. I'm currently job hunting though so hoping to meet some interesting new people.

Hang out with people not your age - they might not be 'clever' but they will be interesting to you as they will have new perspective.

Get a clever job where you mix with clever people.

I completely agree with you.