I want to find clever friends

[NeverSatisfiedYou]

I want to find interesting people who I can chat about highbrow (and lowbrow stuff) with. I have friends but the ones who fulfil this brief and nourish me live far away and my local friends make me feel like I’m faking it.
I know it makes me sound like a dick but ‘clever’ is how I phrase it, I think I mean engaged.
How do I meet people who are like me? Have you?
my AIBU is - is it unreasonable to require this and look for it specifically? Or am I being a snob?

I’m really lucky as I have this at work. Big academic day school that has no recruitment issues. My department are brilliant but also funny. We talk a lot about books and it is a hugely satisfying aspect of my job.

I agree groups for interest local or national may be best bet.

Cafe Scientifique - though I only did that with DH not alone - or depending on local area and age WI.

I get you OP. I have met a lot of new friends via Meetup. You have to persevere and get to know people a bit but I’ve met lots of educated, successful people. It’s definitely worked out for me. Otherwise maybe do academic courses?

You will be much less frustrated and happier once you accept an alarmingly significant number of people are not clever nor engaged, neither do they wish to be, and they often dislike and resent those who enjoy those things. In extreme cases, they will do what they can to pull them down.

This neatly fits into the theory that a significant number of people are not very kind either. If you want to know why, see points A and B above, which feed into each other.

Find your tribe and ignore and stay away from the rest.

I don't think you are at all unreasonable, I dislike banal conversation and unnecessary laughing (cackling). Sometimes you meet people of like mind at work, or if you do an evening class.

It will happen.

Avoid mums, especially ones who work basic part time jobs or are full stay at home parents. They are the worst for basic conversation.

@mimblewimble that's very narrow minded of you. Perhaps these vacuous mums are adjusting the conversation to the level they believe is most appropriate for your intellect?

I can cope with unintelligent. What I can't cope with is uncurious.

All my close friends I can have these conversations with. I don't see why you can't, why you'd have to join a special group.

This doesn't make you sound as intelligent as you think it does. And it's likely you're unintelligent to many people too.

Because my close friends, ironically, live a long way away - and I’d love to make a connection closer to home.

A sharp wit is always appreciated !

No one would say “Avoid fathers” Because their brains have turned to mush just because they have created a baby.

Many mothers also now work out of economic necessity.

They aren’t stodging about at home talking about washing powder and nappies.

Maybe chat to a wider variety of people? I had an electrician round last week who had an interesting take on Gramsci's work on hegemony. Almost everyone is interested in something.

You probably need to tell the OP how you met them.

People are suggesting groups for these conversation so she can meet people who have wider curiosity about world and shared interests so she can hopefully expand her friendship group and go on to have friends she can have such conversations with.

I really don't think anyone was actually suggesting such conversations can only be had in special groups. It's more suggestion on how she can find such friends.

Yeah. I gave up on that years ago, and I feel like I stick out with most people, so I just don't socialise much apart from work. It's quite lonely sometimes, it I guess I should just be better at handling all the piss takes.

People class me as intelligent due to my job and degree. My IQ is probably above average but I am very uncultured, I can’t stand art museums or reading any classic literature.

OP I think it depends what you are after, there’s different ways to class intelligence. I think you might be after a more cultured person? Can you join any clubs or social groups in your area?

I am intelligent, but also talk about poo and like cackling when out with friends. Perhaps I shouldn't leave the house?

Seriously- don't have friends you don't gel with, if they are not your type, go to new places likely to have people that might be your type, most places these days have clubs for film/cinema, book clubs, courses run by the library, Cafe Scientifique, U3A, MeetUp, and then see what happens. Bear in mind though that people who are clever might not want to talk politics all the time, they have enough intellectual stimulation in their day jobs or may prefer friends for emotional support. Find people who like talking about the same topics as you for starters.

Have you tried the National Women's Register? nwr.org.uk

They are a bunch of smart women and have local groups and events all over the country.

It wasn't me - I was responding to that post from @goawaynottoday !

Do you have a local 'meet friends' facebook group? Ours has lots of activities including a book group, trips to ballet and classical music concerts etc. If you fancy going somewhere or doing something you just put up a post and other people who fancy it respond.

I've recently met some new 'highbrow' friends by joining a U3A conversational Italian class. I didn't think I'd be eligible as not retired but they don't care as long as you pay the twenty quid annual membership. Helps that I work from home and have the flexibility to do this though.

There have been really great suggestions on here of organisations I have never heard of - thank you!
It’s also been good to feel less alone with this as quite a few people feel the same way.
It's not something you consider when you make your first house moves etc but if I had my time again I think I’d have stayed in my university town near friends. Those connections get more important as you get older I now realise.

True. The bat-bash of labour v conservative, culture war stuff, what have you. I enjoy talking about political issues though and it can be hard to find people who want to talk about issues without lurching into the tribal stuff. But have found them, old friends and new - they are out there! Work has been good for that, I’m lucky there, but also through my niche interest groups. Having an enthusiasm for a thing gives us our common ground.

Another group with local branches across the UK is the British Federation of Women Graduates if you have an UG degree - my local group do a whole range of activities and get togethers

Watch The Big Bang Theory: Season 9, Episode 8 The Mystery Date Observation.

Replicate.

Do you play an instrument? Orchestras are full of fascinating folk. Otherwise maybe a political party? Although judging by recent performances........?

What is it with the talking about other people? I had one friend tell me about her neighbour's cataract operation and someone at work's friend's husband's cancer diagnosis. Never likely to meet either. Why would I want to know?!?