I want to find clever friends

[NeverSatisfiedYou]

I want to find interesting people who I can chat about highbrow (and lowbrow stuff) with. I have friends but the ones who fulfil this brief and nourish me live far away and my local friends make me feel like I’m faking it.
I know it makes me sound like a dick but ‘clever’ is how I phrase it, I think I mean engaged.
How do I meet people who are like me? Have you?
my AIBU is - is it unreasonable to require this and look for it specifically? Or am I being a snob?

I agree that pp made overly sweeping generalisations. But let's not pretend there aren't some mums out there that have no topics of conversation except their children. Of course there are.

What utter BS.

Yes, exactly. Parents are a majority in the population, so will be as representative as any other group in terms of interests, capacity for engaging conversation etc.

I was out last night with five people I only know because our children used to be in the same class at primary school, and am not particularly close to, all but one female. The conversation ranged from Oireachtas reforms, the stories of Claire Keegan, the extent to which local post offices perform a function as community information hubs/social care for people who struggle, social change and different national/cultural mentalities in relation to authority and national remembering, the work of Gabor Maté, the mechanics of canonisation within the Catholic Church, and crime scene photography.

Well yes, obviously there are, no one’s saying that’s not true, it’s that poster saying that all mums are worthless to talk to that’s the issue here

Oh gosh, this post resonates so much with me. I'm much the same.

I recently started working at a university and feel I have finally found my nerdy, quirky friendship niche.

I'm sorry that there are so many interesting MNers who can't find interesting people to talk to! Keep trying.

I am single/childless so have made lots of effort to make good friends I can do fun/cultural stuff with and have stimulating conversations. I have some from university decades ago and have found other friends at work, at choir, from feminist groups (HIGHLY recommended), via friends of friends, etc etc. There are so many fantastic people out there!

Well yes, obviously there are, no one’s saying that’s not true, it’s that poster saying that all mums are worthless to talk to that’s the issue here

Agreed.

Thank goodness I found this thread op; I know exactly what you mean.
I went away last weekend for a couple of nights and by the third day I was tearing my hair out with boredom. They are kind decent people but we simply have the same conversations over and over again.
As someone said up thread it’s not necessarily about being intelligent, but having an interest and curiosity about the world around you. One of my friends must have talked about her shopping trip to Sainsbury’s about 20 times; I was ready to scream I don’t care.

Join some hobby groups for interests you like. Or join the Open University. Or whatever nerdy stuff you are into. Plenty of nerds lurking out there. You can't expect current friends to fill thst gap.

Volunteer

I think that is what I am getting at in my previous post. I do have friends that I can discuss art/literature/films etc with but with intelligent ( and that does not always equate with educated) people, there is a definite liveliness to the conversation which is energising. So we often discuss our children/mundane things, but with a different approach somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it.
I suppose at university, it was called "putting the world to rights". Do students do this anymore?

How will that help find intellectual companionship?

I've met really clever and interesting people this way. So have friends

If you were interested in global politics then maybe something like Amnesty International, or environmental issues a wildlife trust, assisting in a museum conservation and records department, archeological digs, a local book festival or open gardens group. All sorts of ways that volunteering can hook you into a group of people with a core common interest and the possibly of new sorts of friendships.

Is MENSA still a thing?

Yes. A thing for cunts.

I understand what you mean, I like a deep meaningful conversation but find this hard with some friends.

Mn fulfills a lot of this for me. Threads fulfill me. Would it you?
Talking about trans issues and being accused of being a terf; JKR; the Maya Forstater case threads were superb because highly intelligent posters explained the legal technicalities to us idiots, Kathleen Stock.

The latest Post office scandal which is the worst miscarriage of justice of our generation - and as an accounts person my fascination of where in the horizon system, Fujitsu, money was written off to the suspense accounts, intrigues me.

Do threads like this fulfill you?

Mn fulfills a lot of this for me. Threads fulfill me.

Online chat with total strangers isn't a substitute for real life friends which is what OP is after. You have no idea whether the people who are posting know what they are talking about, are lying, presenting a fake identity, know a bit and embellishing and so on.

I don't think I've ever read anything so sad as someone suggesting that they are fulfilled by an online anonymous forum to a degree that it substitutes for real life intelligent friends.

It's all a bit Kathy Bates Misery for the internet age living on line.

Most of my friends are people I met at uni or have worked with so I’m not sure how to proactively go about it. Perhaps joining clubs that are reflective of your interests - book club, art class, etc?

@kittykatsupreme

Well I'm fucking sorry. 🙄 For suggesting a thing that might possibly help op.

Have you been on any of the threads I suggested. Yes, it's true people lie on mn. I've been here 22 years, so I'm aware. But the threads following legal cases are often / generally good. Sorry if you don't like that.

"I don't think I've ever read anything so sad as someone suggesting that they are fulfilled by an online anonymous forum to a degree that it substitutes for real life intelligent friends. "

What a gift you are!
I never said it substituted.
I've got 10 close friends. All incredibly intelligent. So I get really good conversations in RL. But I was just saying that the intelligence of mn posters is high too.

I thought your suggestion was a good idea.
I like MN because I get alternative views and information I wasn’t aware of; it’s often a good education for me.
I would like this sort of chat with my friends but sadly don’t get it.

Me too! It's made me look at certain issues differently ie surrogacy.

Thank you kindly @Fairyliz & @Pusheen467.

Just maybe @NeverSatisfiedYou - OP, you will find some really deep interesting mn threads that might satisfy your intellect, offer debate, fun and whit, might make you choke on your tea because someone is so witty?

Whilst you also search for RL fulfilment alongside that?

Op, I know exactly where you are coming from! I used to zone out of most of the lightweight, celeb/TV based brain fluff that seemed to dominate staff rooms and other staff meet up areas. I volunteered with National Trust and English Heritage, met some lovely new friends doing this as we gardened. Got some motorhoming friends who we have met up with a few times as well, and we all love history, being outdoors, wildlife, so share some lovely conversations.