Woken up by DH punching the pillow right next to my face

[Holidayregrets]

We’re on holiday. Apparently I was snoring. AIBU or is this excessively aggressive? He woke me at 525am and I’ve not managed to get back to sleep. Up now for a day trip which apparently I’m now going on alone. The irony is that he is now asleep and snoring.

Our last holiday was in January and we had the best time, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. This holiday he has no sexual interest in me whatsoever. That in itself is so discombobulating.

So I guess I’ll just get ready now and go by myself.

This is a hard no for me, I won’t tolerate any form of violence in my relationship. This includes violence in my presence, violence to objects or threats of violence.

what an unhinged response to your partner snoring. This is all kinds of fucked up, the man needs to get a grip of his emotions but for me I’d be out the door for this one. I refuse to have a partner make me feel anything but safe

I wouldn’t like this at all! My husband was on e punching the pillow in his sleep, I thought you were going to say similar. He was absolutely mortified when he woke up.

Sounds like something bigger going on with what you have said.

Nope. And the fact that he's not apologetic would make me think he's testing a boundary to see what you'll put up with. The next time it could be your face.

Is this the first time he's behaved in an aggressive or threatening way?

My ex ramped up the physical and verbal aggression on a holiday a couple of months before assaulting me.

How long have you been together? I ask because he might have been all over you on your last holiday because it was new, you were in the honeymoon phase and now his guard is down and he’s showing who he really is? Seems like part of an abuse cycle. Is he making you feel unattractive by turning down advances? Makes me wonder if it’s calculated, that’s all.

I would be seeing if I could get an early flight home, or find alternative accommodation.

Been together 16 years. There’s no way I’m cutting this trip short. It’s a holiday of a lifetime and all paid for. 😭

Have to leave here in one hour for the bus. Do I wake him or just go?

Go punch the pillow like a demented banshee and tell him he was snoring.

That's so aggressive, I wouldn't be waking him up to catch the bus either. Is he normally that aggressive?

He sounds unhinged and I say that as someone who slept next to a horrendous snorer for years. It is frustrating but not to that level.
If he's not interested in you generally on holiday it sounds like there's something else going on behind the scenes

Wake the fucker up for snoring and tell him trip going in an hour.

Also tell him no more punching or he will sleep elsewhere.. Don’t him spoil your trip if a lifetime under any circumstances.

I’d go - sounds like you could both do with some time away from each other. Maybe when you get back he’ll have calmed down and you can have a rational conversation. I would absolutely be laying down the law that if he ever behaved in an aggressive way around me again that it would instantly be over. And then point out his hypocrisy of then snoring himself yet you didn’t react in a violent way.

Has he really slept through you getting up and ready? He's probably pretending i think. I'd leave him to stew in his own juice, probably with a note 'you really frightened me last night, i don't know what's going on with you but hope you've slept on it'

Hope you just go. How scary and horrifying.

If he was fully awake when he did it, I’d have to consider what more is going on. Especially if your last holiday was perfect. Could he be having an affair? Or verging on a breakdown due to stress/work? His behaviour is insane.

He’s violent. Don’t wake him up.

Has he been violent before?

This.😳
Husband is three decades older, snores like
a circular saw but such level of aggression
is not thought of, from either of us.

He’s up and in the shower. Hasn’t spoken a word to me. I’m just putting my face on in the lounge area. Fuck knows how this day is going to pan out.

I wouldn't tolerate a minute in his company until he'd apologised. That's a scary level of violence to show towards someone that's asleep.

Just go, take the day trip to think.
Is it an option to book another room? If it’s a dream holiday may not be due to $$$. Is there a sofa you can suggest he sleeps on so you feel safe?

I snore and it massively frustrates my partner. We’ve not had punching, but he’s shouted ‘for fs sake!’ Before and woken me up, or exaggeratedly turned away from me. I think if you’re tired it IS highly annoying. I’m gonna buck the trend and say not ideal, but if this is the only issue I’d try and get over it. Tell him it wasn’t on, buy some earplugs today and enjoy the rest of holiday

He's putting you into a no win situation. You wake him, he gets angry and refuses to go, or starts an argument stopping you from going, or he goes but is an arsehole all day and the trip is ruined. You don't wake him, and he's also angry, keeps you up late arguing, or threatens you in some way making you scared to fall asleep. Or some other scenario, but none of them will be fun, nice, or relaxing for you. That's my guess anyway. I hope I'm wrong.

Well actually I'm going against the grain and saying I could totally see how this could be the reaction to being kept awake all night from snoring. I've almost punched - like really really wanted to - my DH in the shoulder when he's been snoring like a fucking motorbike all night. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason. It literally drives you mad.
He punched the pillow, not you. I actually think you're over-reacting.

This, OP!
watch out, it could well be what’s happening. If the love/bombing has ended…

If it is, get out, quickly and safely and take what you need with you when you do- passport, certificates etc .

OP has said they’ve been together for 16 years so I’m off the mark with that, but either way he seems like a bit of a twat and there might be something more to this story.