Page 4 | Woken up by DH punching the pillow right next to my face

Holidayregrets · 2024-10-30T19:33:35+00:00

We’re on holiday. Apparently I was snoring. AIBU or is this excessively aggressive? He woke me at 525am and I’ve not managed to get back to sleep. Up now for a day trip which apparently I’m now going on alone. The irony is that he is now asleep and snoring. Our last holiday was in January and we had the best time, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. This holiday he has no sexual interest in me whatsoever. That in itself is so discombobulating. So I guess I’ll just get ready now and go by myself.

DeepRoseFish · 30/10/2024 21:05

Embrace the single life OP it’s blissful I promise you.
I can snore as loud as I like too.

Gettingbysomehow · 30/10/2024 21:06

Respectisnotoptional · 30/10/2024 20:41

Blimey he punched a pillow … and we’re already at LTB, there’s some strange folk on here.

Don't be so bloody ignorant. My domestic violence started with a similar aggressive incident and a few years later I was in hospital having nearly been killed.

Orangelight23 · 30/10/2024 21:07

Honestly there are nights when my husband's snoring is so bad that I feel like I could kill him. The anger is very real when you are so tired and there's this unholy noise next to you.

I'm not defending the aggression but I have definitely felt that way.

Glitterbomb123 · 30/10/2024 21:09

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 30/10/2024 20:58

He could have punched his own pillow. He could have told her, loudly, to stfu. He chose to punch the pillow next to her head.

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The pillow next to her probably was his own pillow? Maybe he already loudly told her to shut up. Maybe he'd been nudging her all night and was then annoyed so whacked his pillow in frustration. The OP hasn't given much details, did he just hit his pillow in frustration. Was it one punch or was it continuous. Was he also shouting and saying aggressive things? Or when she woke up and probably said wtf, did he just say omg your snoring is doing my head in, then go to sleep?

They've been together 16 years if this is the only time he's been so aggressive it seems a bit much to divorce over

DeepRoseFish · 30/10/2024 21:09

GivingitToGod · 30/10/2024 20:55

Punching the pillow could be a release of frustration. Not be to categorised as violence.
For further discussion OP at a later time
Enjoy your holiday

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But it is an act of violence. Everyone gets frustrated still not an excuse to behave that way.
If we all stopped making excuses for violent men the world would be a better place.

GivingitToGod · 30/10/2024 21:13

wrongthinker · 30/10/2024 21:01

That is fucking terrifying, OP.

Hope you're okay. I don't think I would ever feel safe with him again.

OTT

GivingitToGod · 30/10/2024 21:14

DeepRoseFish · 30/10/2024 21:09

But it is an act of violence. Everyone gets frustrated still not an excuse to behave that way.
If we all stopped making excuses for violent men the world would be a better place.

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Not a violent man on this action. FYI, I have experience of violence

BettyBardMacDonald · 30/10/2024 21:15

Shwish · 30/10/2024 20:17

Well actually I'm going against the grain and saying I could totally see how this could be the reaction to being kept awake all night from snoring. I've almost punched - like really really wanted to - my DH in the shoulder when he's been snoring like a fucking motorbike all night. Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for a reason. It literally drives you mad.
He punched the pillow, not you. I actually think you're over-reacting.

This.

My chihuahua used to snore (he had a slight deformity in his upper jaw) and there were times i cried and had to leave the room, and i'm no crier. Sometimes i'd leave him on the bed and go beat the sofa in frustration.

A human snore would drive me insane. Is there anything you can try to mitigate it?

Violence is not right so if you feel unsafe you will need to work on Plan B for accommodation.

GivingitToGod · 30/10/2024 21:16

PuddlesPityParty · 30/10/2024 20:22

I agree 😬🫣

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I agree too!

WatchMyChops · 30/10/2024 21:16

PreBlendOils · 30/10/2024 19:45

Nope. And the fact that he's not apologetic would make me think he's testing a boundary to see what you'll put up with. The next time it could be your face.

This in spades. Also he was wide awake and not even doing it accidentally in his sleep. Any sort of punching is unacceptable especially with OP being right there. If she was snoring, a gentle nudge would better or just wear earplugs or something. Imagine if OP started punching the pillow because her not-so-dear partner was snoring?

GivingitToGod · 30/10/2024 21:17

Glitterbomb123 · 30/10/2024 21:09

The pillow next to her probably was his own pillow? Maybe he already loudly told her to shut up. Maybe he'd been nudging her all night and was then annoyed so whacked his pillow in frustration. The OP hasn't given much details, did he just hit his pillow in frustration. Was it one punch or was it continuous. Was he also shouting and saying aggressive things? Or when she woke up and probably said wtf, did he just say omg your snoring is doing my head in, then go to sleep?

They've been together 16 years if this is the only time he's been so aggressive it seems a bit much to divorce over

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Thank God for your level headed response!

Threelittleduck · 30/10/2024 21:18

His aggression is OTT but it is beyond annoying when your partner keeps you awake at night snoring. If you'd been keeping him awake for hours no wonder he got annoyed.
I also think if this is a one off it's unlikely he's going to suddenly escalate the aggression. He needs to apologise but I think you should also apologise for keeping him awake even though it wasn't intentional. Tell him to buy some earplugs too.q

WatchMyChops · 30/10/2024 21:18

Gettingbysomehow · 30/10/2024 21:06

Don't be so bloody ignorant. My domestic violence started with a similar aggressive incident and a few years later I was in hospital having nearly been killed.

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That sounds terrifying. Hope you’re doing better now

PuddlesPityParty · 30/10/2024 21:21

StopStartStop · 30/10/2024 20:38

Do you usually minimise situations so that people are at risk of harm?

It would be easy for a woman on the holiday of a lifetime, wanting to cling to a long-term relationship, to try to overlook the absolute danger she is in.

Has your husband tried to murder you? Mine did. It happens.

A lot of MNers know very little of 'life'. Recently someone suggested throwing a glass of water over a sleeping man... that could get you killed. Don't do stupid things. And don't make excuses for people who have demonstrated their aggression.

He's shown you who he is, OP. Get the hell out.

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He’s not shown her anything. I’m sorry that happened to you but he hit the pillow, and we’ve not got enough information to actually jump to any conclusions. Your own experience is clouding rationality.

PuddlesPityParty · 30/10/2024 21:22

DeepRoseFish · 30/10/2024 20:41

Physical violence directed at any object in the close vicinity of your partner is considered domestic abuse.

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is it? Can you show me where that definition is please? Many of the women who commented on here would be interested too as it seems they’ve committed domestic abuse.

PuddlesPityParty · 30/10/2024 21:23

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 30/10/2024 20:58

He could have punched his own pillow. He could have told her, loudly, to stfu. He chose to punch the pillow next to her head.

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His pillow would still be next to her head though. OP really hasn’t given enough detail for you all to be jumping to abuse.

waitanotherday · 30/10/2024 21:23

Traceability · 30/10/2024 21:00

There may be a bigger picture here, but if it is just a reaction to snoring then it probably isn’t that dramatic as some are making out. My DH snoring can drive me absolutely loopy with frustration. When you are tired and trying to sleep and the snoring stops, you begin to drift, then it starts again…makes me want to scream and I can see myself punching a pillow too! However, if he’s not talking to you now then something else may be amiss?

Genuine question to you and to all the others saying similar things - but have you actually thumped the pillow right next to the head of your partner so hard they woke up?

I have known people yell, shove the shoulder, leave the room

But someone punching the pillow very hard right next to a sleeping head? Not so much

Orrinocc0 · 30/10/2024 21:23

Tbh that doesn't sound like the holiday of a lifetime to me OP

Orangelight23 · 30/10/2024 21:31

waitanotherday · 30/10/2024 21:23

Genuine question to you and to all the others saying similar things - but have you actually thumped the pillow right next to the head of your partner so hard they woke up?

I have known people yell, shove the shoulder, leave the room

But someone punching the pillow very hard right next to a sleeping head? Not so much

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Yes I have and I've also kicked him. Honestly I can't explain the feeling that takes over when his snoring is really bad. I've cried, clenched fists and had really strong angry violent feelings.

In my day to day life this would be completely out of character for me.

DeepRoseFish · 30/10/2024 21:33

PuddlesPityParty · 30/10/2024 21:22

is it? Can you show me where that definition is please? Many of the women who commented on here would be interested too as it seems they’ve committed domestic abuse.

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I think you need to do your own research and learn about domestic abuse.

Dashel · 30/10/2024 21:33

How long have you been there and is he suffering from jet lag?

We both had it on a trip, on the third night, DH got to sleep and snored and I couldn’t and in my sleep deprived state, I could have happily tried to kill him. Instead I made a bed in the bath and read all night. It was horrible.

Popcorn23 · 30/10/2024 21:35

Bakingandcrying · 30/10/2024 19:38

This is a hard no for me, I won’t tolerate any form of violence in my relationship. This includes violence in my presence, violence to objects or threats of violence.

what an unhinged response to your partner snoring. This is all kinds of fucked up, the man needs to get a grip of his emotions but for me I’d be out the door for this one. I refuse to have a partner make me feel anything but safe

Absolutely this. First post nails it again.

waitanotherday · 30/10/2024 21:36

Orangelight23 · 30/10/2024 21:31

Yes I have and I've also kicked him. Honestly I can't explain the feeling that takes over when his snoring is really bad. I've cried, clenched fists and had really strong angry violent feelings.

In my day to day life this would be completely out of character for me.

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How does your partner react to you punching the pillow next to his face and kicking him? And why don't you wake him and ask him to sleep in a different room?

If you awoke to your partner punching the pillow right next to your face, because you were snoring, and he then went to sleep and started snoring, would you then start punching the pillow right next to his face? Or would you no longer feel safe to do so because he had been punching a pillow near your face and you were now scared?

Devonshiregal · 30/10/2024 21:37

my money would be on:

He’s having an affair and he’s irritated by your presence because he’s in the ott honeymoon “we’re in love” sex phase with the OW and you’re the wicked witch preventing them from being together.

she may or may not also be bothering him about how devastated she is that he’s gone away with you and he’s feeling guilty/stressed/irritated.

he’ll be heightening every single thing you do “wrong” so as to give him a get out of jail free card. It’s all your fault he had to have an affair because you’re just so unreasonable and horrible.

by the way though, being with someone 16 years doesn’t mean you have to be more lenient with bad behaviour - what he did this morning was creepy and weird and abusive. If you wouldn’t put up with it from a new boyfriend no reason you should from a long term one either. I vote get rid.

Popcorn23 · 30/10/2024 21:39

KeepinOn · 30/10/2024 20:16

He's putting you into a no win situation. You wake him, he gets angry and refuses to go, or starts an argument stopping you from going, or he goes but is an arsehole all day and the trip is ruined. You don't wake him, and he's also angry, keeps you up late arguing, or threatens you in some way making you scared to fall asleep. Or some other scenario, but none of them will be fun, nice, or relaxing for you. That's my guess anyway. I hope I'm wrong.

I see you've met my ex partner!