Why are all MILs so horrible?

[Janey638]

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL? For years I’ve been a bit of a lurker on this site and I’m shocked by the amount of MIL posts, hardly any about the maternal mum. It looks like MILs are too overbearing if they want to hold a new baby, or too remote if they keep their distance. As a mum to three boys this all really depresses me. Literally does everyone hate their MIL?

I LOVE mine. More than anyone in the world and more than my own mum. She is amazing!

This is so lovely to hear!!!

Nah, my DIL loves me, so does my dds partner, and I love my boyfriends mum.

People come on here to vent though so MN always gets posts of problems, nobody really comes on just to say things are great.

I had a terrible MIL, but as my sons have become adults and have serious girlfriends, I am starting to have some sympathy for her.

Most horrifically, I'm starting to recognise some of her behaviour in myself. I try really hard not to let it show, but those feelings of loss and jealously are real.

They aren’t.

I had a wonderful MIL and got on with her better than my own mum. I am now a MIL and seem to be doing OK so far.

As with anything else, people talk about their problems. Highly unlikely I would start a thread to say I have no problems with my MIL. In general, try being a decent person and remember that once they are grown up, you don't get to tell them what to do.

My feelings aren't real? OK

I love mine. She's brilliant, and the best MIL in the world.

Mine is lovely!!

I think a lot of threads are started by people having problems, so you're more likely to read bad MIL / DIL stories than happy ones.

Yeah I did. Whenever I got sad about my husband having an affair and leaving when I was 8 and a half months pregnant, I just reminded myself I'd never have to put up with her crap, or even see her, ever again.

Cushioned the blow substantially.

My husband is one of three boys and we are all very close to my lovely MIL.

I got on well with my ex's mum, even after the divorce. And I get on very well with my DMIL.

My late MIL was absolutely lovely but my DM was a nasty, narcissistic cow who I eventually when NC with.

Also, people only post when they’ve got something negative to say - few come on MN to say how great their MIL is, so views could be skewed.

I only have a DS and I hope that one day I can be a MIL like my own MIL was.

Posted in reaction to your question after reading only half your post, sorry, and edited to delete my first response (which can be seen by clicking the edited button)

Basically, most people are more tolerant of their mums, because they've grown up with them, most people on here are daughters, and most have male partners, so MILs on here are mothers of sons.

I think there are far more horrible DILs than MILs, and honestly I don’t believe half the stuff that people write on here about their MIL.

But far too many women seem to think that once they get together with a man he becomes their property.

I don’t believe for one second that there are all these MILs out there who scream at their DILs and sons and sob uncontrollably and all the other shite that people talk on here.

I don’t doubt for a second that there are some fraught relationships between MILs and DILs, but absolutely not to the extent that some would have us believe. Most of it is, I am positive, highly embellished.

My own MIL is lovely. In fact she’s my ex MIL, and I’m still as close to them as I ever was.

Nope, I adore mine. She is really wonderful.

I really don't like mine but that's because she wasn't a very good mother or person in the first place. It isn't as if her specifically being a mother-in-law made her evil. DH gets along much better with my mother so she is a good MIL

I know plenty of people who love their MILs so do not worry 😊I personally hope whatever girl DS chooses to marry, we will have a good relationship

I love my MIL and I love my ex MIL.

But it should be pretty obvious that on a chat forum, people only tend to post when they have a problem OP?

There are sometimes 'I love my MIL' threads, in fact there was one last week.

My MIL is amazing. So is my mother. I do feel very blessed.

If your husbands mum is still alive, do you dislike her?

Fwiw I adore mine

They aren't
Mines lovely

When my husband left for the OW. I think I felt worse about the loss of my MIL than him.

Mine was lovely.

Maybe you’re the problem?

You do not hear about good relationships on here. You only hear about when there is conflict. As a site that is primarily women, you're going to also hear more about in-law conflict relating to their spouses parents (and not to be too hetero normative about this, but the majority of people are in heterosexual/ heteronormative relationships).

You'll often see threads from first time mums trying to find their voice/ how to establish boundaries when they've been used to people pleasing. When. People find their voice, establish boundaries, and start having more equal relationships you don't find them posting on here to rant/ sense check how they feel and what they should do next.

I’m lucky to have a great MIL - always been super supportive of me and DP and that won’t change when we get married. She’s very independent and has her own life and we see her every week usually. We help her out and she helps us out.

i’m also lucky to have an amazing Mum who would do absolutely anything for me.

I do feel bad for people who have awful MIL’s (a friend of mine does) but feel very lucky mine is great.