Why are all MILs so horrible?

[Janey638]

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL? For years I’ve been a bit of a lurker on this site and I’m shocked by the amount of MIL posts, hardly any about the maternal mum. It looks like MILs are too overbearing if they want to hold a new baby, or too remote if they keep their distance. As a mum to three boys this all really depresses me. Literally does everyone hate their MIL?

My ex adored his Mil, so much so he came to her funeral over 30 years after we were divorced.

This is very reassuring. I get that people will typically post with a problem - but so many problems are around MILs and I hardly ever see them about mums. But I guess we do tend to defer to our own mums more so maybe that is it.

My MIL is lovely.

Mad as a tree full of monkeys on acid, but lovely.

I don't moan about her on here because I don't need to vent about anything.

I could try... ummm... AIBU to be annoyed with my MIL for her £50perchild budget for birthdays & Christmas which makes my mum's £20 look skinflint? No I'm ok with each person making their own choices.

Oh there's one minor irritation that she doesn't think her own son is capable of communicating about child-with-food-anxiety's dietary needs and she has to speak to me about it. Not really worth a thread.

I think it's just selection bias. People with awful MILs are going to generate 100 times more posts than those of us with lovely ones.

My MIL is the mother of three boys and I love her!

MIL is lovely!

My own DM is much more complicated although her CIL seem to love her and appreciate her positive qualities. She is difficult and odd but définitely not a classic MIL nightmare. I have 2 DBs, one of whom is married to a woman, and he’s DM’s favourite child and that favouritism also extends to his wife.

Could it be, actually, that too many men seem to think that once they get together with a women, she becomes their PA? I wonder - do these men actually exist who put effort into their relationship with their mum before DIL and then just stopped Because DIL? Or were they making no effort before marriage, then DILgets blamed after marriage?

I’m a mum of three grown men.
I hope I’m not horrible. 😬

I try to let them all know I’m here if they need me but I’m not ‘needy’ myself.
Love seeing them and their wives and of course my grandchildren but not demanding of their time and energy.

My MIL made me feel invisible, DH was her golden boy. She passed away last year and I felt absolutely nothing, not one tear😔

My MIL is an absolute wonder. She’s poorly atm and it makes me so very sad when I think she might not be here for much longer. She’s been more of a mother to me than my own mother.

My DILs wouldn’t say I’m horrible I don’t think. I love the bones of them both, they make my sons incredibly happy and DDIL2 is a wonderful mummy to DGS. I don’t interfere, if I want to know something or arrange something I ask my sons, because they’re capable however if it’s something specific to my DDILs I’ll speak to them.

Don't think PP was referring to your post. They didn't quote you or tag you. Think they were responding to the OP question asking Why all MIL were horrible by saying they aren't.

Mine is very very lovely and amusing :)

If like to think I'm a nice Mil, but it isn't always easy.
I keep out of their lives , but here if they need me and offer support
I know I'm not perfect, but I try to be fair and not interfere and not judge.
It is a difficult thing being one though, we do get a bad reputation I think.
My dil is nice though and I like to think we are friends, but I also know my boundaries . Best to just let them get on with it I think.
My own ( now no longer with us ) mil was a total nightmare, so I think I am sub consciously not being her! It is stressful though at times and I know mumsnetters are not keen on them ! lol

I get on really well with mine, I just wondered if I was in the minority.

My MIL is lovely.

She can drive me mad at times, the same way my own DM can.

They aren't all awful. You get far more threads on here (and on most forums) when people are having rows, or when someone is rude/mean, or when something major happens. The other time people post is when something or someone is brilliant.

My MIL is amazing. I posted a thread about her a long while back when she did something spectacularly kind and sweet.

Generally though people who get on with their MIL don't post because "AIBU to say MIL is alright" or "AIBU to say MIL and ai plod along nicely - not besties but not enemies" just doesn't necessitate a thread.

They're not. A lot of the time it's their DiL's who are awful and think the DS is someone who should be fought over, showing their own insecurity. I miss my MIL everyday.

They aren't all. More often than not I see an unreasonable MIL coupled with an unreasonable DIL - it often takes two to tango!

I love my MIL dearly. I even call her mum. I get on better with her than my own mum. She’s a wonderful person and I’m so grateful to have her in my life.

Mine is wonderful, I adore her. I have two boys and I hope I can be half the MIL she is to their future partners.

My MIL was a million times better than my mum. She was intelligent, sane, kind and a good mother for a start.

Mine is great. Funny, helpful, kind. And I don’t behave like a dick to her by treating her as the inferior grandparent or expecting her to clean my house while I sit on my arse when she visits. In fact, my mum gave the very first bottle (as my gran did for me) and MIL pushed the pram out the hospital. It’s called give and take.

I think it depends on what type of person they are.
I'd love to have a good relationship with mine... But she has no interest in my husband or kids, so I therefore don't care about her either.

Mine is wonderful, and I’ve never had a bad relationship with any past boyfriend’s parents.

I do think women sometimes get prickly with in laws when they’re pregnant / post partum. I definitely remember feeling it a bit and have read countless threads that seem to be similar. I didn’t take anything to heart, was grateful to have them even if I didn’t always love the input. And not long down the line we’re as grand as ever. I’ve always been conscious that my partner is her baby and my babies mil’s her flesh and blood and honour that.

My MIL is lovely and supportive and we get on well.

I don't really understand all the negativity.