Why are all MILs so horrible?

[Janey638]

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL? For years I’ve been a bit of a lurker on this site and I’m shocked by the amount of MIL posts, hardly any about the maternal mum. It looks like MILs are too overbearing if they want to hold a new baby, or too remote if they keep their distance. As a mum to three boys this all really depresses me. Literally does everyone hate their MIL?

I’ve seen far more posts across social media about women who are NC with their own mums than I have of MILs. The ones I’ve seen of MILs seem to be that they are narcissistic, which is horrific to deal with. My own MIL is a narcissist and has caused so much trauma for us, but she has for her other kids too and was abusive during their childhood. My husband is the only one of them who has cut all contact with her, which of course is all my fault as the evil DIL 🙄

But for what it’s worth, my SIL is closer to my mum than she is with her own. She even moved house with my brother because she wanted to be right next to my mum. She rarely even speaks to her own.

just treat your future DIL like you would your own daughter. Be there for her and her children and it’ll be fine. The fall outs are usually to do with nasty behaviour aimed at the DIL or her children.

I’ve been divorced for twelve years now, but still really like my MIL. And FIL. They are lovely people that have helped me through many crap times , and fantastic grandparents too.

I've had 3 MILs.

Don't tar them all with the same brush !

Nos. 1 & 3 were wonderful. Warm, loving, etc - everything my own DM was not.

No. 2 was the unimaginable bitch from hell. I could top every story I've read on MN. She even threatened to disinherit her grandchildren if they didn't visit regularly - so they hated her as well .

Both my mils (step mil and mil) are excellent. Very different from each other but I get on really well with them both.

I don’t hate my MIL. We have had a few issues over the years but my husband has always told her off. Now, we get on fine and enjoy each other’s company.

This is sick making but mines my best friend. But I agree with you and don't feel like the norm!

My DH loves his mum very much and I am always kind and warm towards her, but she was terrible mother and allowed her son to go through horrible abuse. I can’t forgive this so I just have to grit my teeth.

I have a lovely MIL!

She has her moments but so does my own mum😂

My ex’s mum was lovely.

My mil however is one of those interfering know it alls who believes everything wrong with her son (such as him cnba to contact her or his sister much. Or rarely going around) is all my fault. Funny thing is they only get invited to say bbqs and such here because I tell dh to do it.

I absolutely adore my MIL. She has been so hands on with our children yet never pushes her opinion on anything. We choose to holiday with them at least once a year, they live 10 mins away so we see them a lot. We are also very close to my parents. My husband and I always say how lucky we have been with each others parents! Not a single friend of mine has a similar relationship with their mil, I definitely feel like like I'm in the minority.

I think its just a tricky relationship to get right.

We were fine before I became pregnant, then suddenly it became a mothering competition; MIL vs me and my mum.

Looking back I can see I wasn't perfect either, but MIL was on a mission to prove that she was number one in my child's and husband's lives. It was never a battle she was going to win and it ruined our relationship. Stamping all over a new mother's feelings and wishes isn't going to achieve anything except them giving you a wide berth!

However, I know MIL is not a bad person and loves my children and her son. She would also do anything for me if I asked her.

I am a genuine, good, kind loving person and was a single parent. I keep trying to make a relationship with my Dil but she's having none of it. She hates me and has ruined my close relationship with my son.

Her mother admitted to me once that Dil is jealous.

It's very sad for me and my son who I have to love at a distance

This could be explained by using evolutionary psychology. Paternal grandparents are the least invested in their son’s children because historically, paternity would have been less certain. The least invested person is the paternal grandfather, then paternal grandmother. The most invested person would be the woman’s mother, siblings and then father.

That means your own mum will never judge you but your MIL won’t be very certain about your character and will behave more like a stranger.

Well, obviously they're not! My own MIL was lovely (my actual mum was horrible). But people only tend to comment when they have problems.

I used to hate mine but then I realised she’s a victim in her own marriage and I feel for her. So I’ve warmed to her and her sad for her

My MIL was lovely. Sweet and kind.

I absolutely adore my MIL. We chose to live a few streets over from her. We go out shopping, for dinner, afternoon tea etc. We have a holiday with her and the grandkids every year. She's an incredible mum, MIL, and nan. Long story short, she's great.

You are jealous of your sons’ girlfriends?

I'm a mother in law. All the in law relationships in my family are easy and straightforward. I don't interfere though, and I live my own life.
There's no doubt that some people are truly awful, so I believe a lot of the stories on here. A good friend has the most unpleasant, batshit mother ever and I think if she wrote about her on here, people would think it was made-up. Easy relationships generally don't have threads started to discuss them.

My DMIL is wonderful. My ex-DMIL was mad as a box of frogs, but also lovely.

I think my DIL thinks I’m OK. She gives me the impression that she really likes me, but she’s an incredibly lovely person so she might just be pretending.

My MIL is lovely. My last wasn't though.

Sorry, love mine to bits. And she absolutely dotes on her son… however I have goddess status for giving her two grandchildren. Not all mums of sons are nutters.

This sounds quite sensible

My MIL is so much more supportive and motherly than my mum. My mum is kept at arms length.

I love my MIL. My husband moans that his Mum loves me more than she loves him! 😂