Why are all MILs so horrible?

[Janey638]

Does something happen to the mums of sons that makes them awful when they become a MIL? For years I’ve been a bit of a lurker on this site and I’m shocked by the amount of MIL posts, hardly any about the maternal mum. It looks like MILs are too overbearing if they want to hold a new baby, or too remote if they keep their distance. As a mum to three boys this all really depresses me. Literally does everyone hate their MIL?

They are just people. They can't ALL be horrible! You might even be one, one day!

Mine was wonderful and I really miss her now she's dead.

I love my (ex) Mil so much we still message and meet for coffee and she invites me to family celebrations (which I went to with joy until ex H got a new partner and, as I'm not a psychopath, I stepped back because it didn't seem fair to her). I've used her as my template and have absolutely fantastic relationships with two of my Dil, they are a huge bonus in my life and hope we can communicate well enough that any problems will be short lived. No. three Dil though has spent a long time trying to remove DS from our family through lies, manipulation and basic tantrums. I'm sure were she to post on here her thoughts would be different. Still I welcome her when she deigns to allow my son to visit (once a year) and I hide the leaflets I have on coercive control.

My MIL is amazing, we get on really well. She’s more of a mother figure to me than my own mother.

My MIL and FIL are the best 🌟

DH is well aware that I wish they were my parents 😅 and to all intents and purposes, they are like parents to me ❤️

My MIL was fine.

FIL in the other hand....

Not all mothers in law. Husband and I both got on really well with our respective mothers in law. I get on very well with both my daughters in law. Both my sons get on well with their mothers (and fathers) in law.

My MIL is nice. I think people complain about MILs because it's one of the relationships in life you don't have much choice in and you often can't get distance, even if you want it.

With your own family most people learn to deal with them over time or can tell them when they're being unreasonable without damaging the relationship. With friendships you mostly just take a step back or drop them when they aren't working out. With your partner's family, you can get stuck with them but can't just tell them off. And the MIL is the one in your partner's family you have to deal with most (you can usually avoid siblings-in-law and even FILs) -- and the situation with the MIL often gets exaggerated when you have their grandchildren.

You haven’t met mine! Ha! I thought the same as you when there was problems with her and her ex DIL, felt so sorry for her, until I became her target for approaching her over some awful comments she was making about my children.

The narcissistic rage is a real thing, as are the lies, bullying and defamation. I’ve never seen anything like it and its caused a lot of trauma for me, my husband and kids.

I’m sure there are some awful DILs, but if the man was raised properly, has at least half a brain and loves his ‘innocent’ mum, then he’d put a stop to it.

There’s no smoke without fire. Most of us wish we could have a second mum and a wonderful grandmother for our children. Who wouldn’t want that support?

On the law of averages, I bet there are just as many horrible DiLs out there as there are horrible MiLs, but we only ever hear one side of the story.

Do you not know any other mothers of boys who are MiLs?

Why would you think ALL of them are awful?

Most people find thier own mum supremely annoying too, but they either found a way to rub along during the teenage boundary pushing stage, or forgive them as they know thier mum love them and raised them and put up with thidr awkward behaviour too.

My late MIL was lovely. I am now a MIL to two DIL and one SIL, we get along fine , I love them all and was so happy to welcome them into our family.

Mine's brilliant!

I love my MIL, I get on with her more so than my own mother!

I loved mine and we had a good relationship. Her passing was extremely difficult for us all and I still get teary thinking about her now ❤️

I loved my mother in law, @Janey638, and I still grieve her loss. Frankly, she was more supportive of me than my own mum.

And I am a MIL too - and I’m a delight! I get on really well with my DIL - I respect her parenting decisions, and am supportive and encouraging. She is always encouraging us to visit, and would love it if we moved closer to them (at the moment they are about 8 hours drive away).

I am not sure - I have a 4 year old son and I know I won't be like this. As long as my future DIL treats my son with kindness I will love her.

But I also have a friend who has a 9 month old boy and she said her future DIL will need to be able "to cook, clean and also have an education". The way she said it really weirded me out.

They aren't all horrible. Mine, for example, is brilliant - it's just that people only start threads about the dreadful stuff rather than to boast and gloat about their fabulous MIL. Sorry if you've had a bad experience.

Mine was lovely.

I dare say there are plenty of blokes who would complain about their awful MIL as well, they just don't come onto MN to do it, so it isn't going to be just the mums of boys getting slagged off.

My MIL tells me often I'm the daughter she wished she had. I love her. We don't agree about everything and sometimes she really annoys me with her stuborness and I'm sure she must find me annoying at times as well but on the whole we get along really well. She's a generous, altruistic kind person and I'm really lucky to have her in my life.

I get on better wiff tv h my mil than my own mum.

Mine was ok... we were different but had a good relationship (she isn't alive now)
and I am a fabulous MIL myself
I have a great relationship with both my son-in-law and daughter-in-law, both of whom lived with us for a few years. I occasionally nag SIL as he's horrifically untidy and it drives my dd2 nuts, but we are very fond of each other (I also do a huge amount of child care and we have a very easy relationship with it thankfully!)
DIL... couldn't love her more if she was my own. She's great!

We may just be lucky, but I think we are an easy going bunch generally, we respect each other and enjoy it when we all get together.

Lovely to hear positive MIL stories!

People who don’t have problems with their MIL aren’t posting so it seems like MILs are a problem but it’s a minority who are.