To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Non parent makes being a parent the default.

I think child free is fine.

I think it's fine if the childfree think it's fine.

There have been a lot of threads like this lately, no?

Overthinking much.

Well sorry, I am childfree today, but I do have a child. Round here we use childfree for times when your kids are not around, like on holidays, school, camps....

I’d only ever say childfree if I knew someone had actively chosen not to have kids as I know some people really hate it if they wanted children but couldn’t or didn’t have them.

Normally just say “someone who doesn’t have children” keep it neutral.

It doesn’t bother me at all. I quite like child free actually.

i do have kids though

The care of children is an obligation if you choose to have them, and a burden if you don’t want them.

Uhhh

Your description of children is exactly why people choose to stay that way. Children ARE a burden, like it or not. It just depends if they're a burden you WANT, or one that you don't.

Of course children are a burden and bring obligation. A person who does not have children by choice may well feel liberated from such s and obligations. There is nothing wrong with 'childfree'.

'Non-parent' is awful. Like they have no identity as themselves, but only in comparison to those who are parents. Besides, adults who do not themselves have children can and do play a major parenting role in the lives of children related to them, or children they have taken responsibility for.

Definitely YABU.

Do you have children? I think the childfree community picked the language they would like themselves to be referred by. So basically you don’t get a say.

Also children are a financial and time commitment and some childfree people don’t want children for that reason but it’s not the sole reason.

Edit: actually I think you’re just being goady.

-free means just means without something, even if it has its benefits, uses or delights. I think it implies deliberately

Car free, cash free, dairy free, clothes free.

Child free is neutral, I think.

You’re asking for a term to describe not having children but object to the idea of such a situation needing a term anyway……

I don't believe childless and childfree are used interchangeably.

Childless = can have a tinge of sadness, the person may be childless not by choice

Childfree = much more positive and empowering. They have made a choice not to have children.

Of course you can be childless/childfree if you go out without your children, but I mean when they're used as a descriptor for a person.

Does it need a single word? You’re never going to get a single word everyone agrees on.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs.

Well, this is how plenty of us feel. Why should my status depend on your feeling toward it?

And absolutely not to nonparent for the same reason I reject the term ciswoman.

You're saying parent is the norm, and the term nonparent is an othering term.

It’s no different to being pet-free, mortgage-free or having a car-free pedestrian area in the city centre: the whole point is that it’s meant to imply an active and positive benefit, rather than something “missing.”

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs.

Honestly, this is how I feel about having children. It’s not a value judgement about anyone else’s choice, I just can’t imagine personally wanting to take on such an obligation for life. I am quite literally free of having that obligation.

I have children so obviously don’t use either term for myself, but if I’m talking about someone else I would say ‘they don’t have children’ because I don’t usually know whether someone has chosen not to have children, or wanted to but couldn’t. I can see how describing someone who is childfree by choice as ‘childless’ could be offensive to them, and equally describing someone who desperately wanted children as ‘child free’ could be very hurtful so I avoid both terms. Obviously the words people choose for their own situation is completely their choice.

"Don't have children" is neutral and covers all bases

OP, if you’re not either childless or childfree, you don’t need to worry about this. It’s for those of us in the situation to choose how we describe ourselves. What you think doesn’t actually matter, thank goodness. One more thing you can tick off your to-do list!

The childfree people I know do think of children as a burden and obligation. So what? I hate gardening and think of having a garden as a burden. Other people can do as they please and I am sure they enjoy their gardens.

"But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs."

That's why many people are childfree though, children ARE an obligation and a burden.

Well of course children are something of an obligation and a burden. They hardly make life easier do they! Especially for women!

That doesn't mean they aren't worthwhile for those who want them. Sometimes things worth having aren't easy to maintain.

But childfree makes sense imo. You don't have the ties that having children bring. It's not smug, it's just fact.

It also implies freedom from the idea that kids are 'meant to' be part of your life. It's not only freedom from the actual obligations that come with child rearing, its freedom from the ideology around kids being some sort of necessary end goal for happiness.

Exactly

That’s very true! I think childfree pretty much sums it up very well. Plus, the term childless is significantly worse than saying childfree.

In an ideal world, we should just be able to say "I don't have kids" and any further judgement or justification or explanation would not be required.....