To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Not sure I agree. Clothes-free sounds like a nudist who doesn't like clothes and car free like a person who doesn't like cars. Dairy free implies that dairy causes problems...

I identify as “footloose and childfree”.

I think "childless" means that children would be desired, but for some reason they aren't present.
"Child free" means children are definitely not desired in one's life, when that person refers to themselves.

I’m trying to understand why the first colleague needed to describe your reproductive status to another person in any terms other than “doesn’t have children’.

Well I couldn’t have children. But now at 63 children are certainly not desired by me at this point in my life.

She was being nasty. My childless colleague was much younger her than me and nasty colleague didn’t realise she was childless, she assumed as young colleague was young and had only married three months ago that she would be having children soon so she didn’t realise she wasn’t being nasty to/about me but in trying to be was actually being nasty to the young colleague. She hated me because I didn’t have children or pets and called me ‘pathetic’ because I don’t have plants…

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all cost

This is exactly how I feel. It's a perfect term. "Free" is the key bit.

Not engaging with any of the replies eh, @JemimaWithTheStripeyTights ?

Men don’t have to deal with any of this. How are we supposed to have equality if even women can’t let this go.

Ah so it was being used as a slur. Sadly not unusual.

You’re really overthinking this. Children is completely fine.

Always considered myself childfree, a human who does not have children. If someone asks me why I don't have children, I say, why do you want to know?

It means exactly what it is though. I think people can say they're childfree if they choose without anyone needing to be offended by it. It's not thoughtless, it's fact. You don't have to let it bother you.

Op - not up to you to say what someone can call themselves. I am childless and have friends who prefer the term childfree. Completely up to them.

Non parent suggests we should all be parents.

You could just go with person, human, woman, man. Why the need to label as anything else?
I don't have any children but I wouldn't call myself childless or childfree. Just as I wouldn't call myself catfree, hamsterless, husbandfree, sisterless.

In the 80s/90s there was this expression that was popular - DINKy Double income no kids.
I suppose it’s arguable that there is financial justification/judgement in this expression which maybe just proves how hard it is to find ways of saying things that suit everyone.

But why do you care? If you don't feel like that about having children, why is it 'smug' if somebody else uses a term which maybe accurately describes how they feel about not having children?

Other people are allowed to feel it is a freedom for them. It shouldn't remotely affect how you feel about parenthood.

I think the people without children should be the ones deciding what they're called.

Childfree offers a useful distinction for those who want to use it.

I'm pregnant now but it took a long time trying and IVF to make that happen, I definitely felt childless rather than childfree.

This post vividly shows the difference between childless and childfree. They're very different states of being, so the words matter. No idea why you have a problem with it OP unless you're envious of childfree people?

Non parent still makes parent the default so not sure your logic makes any sense

Whether someone described themselves as childfree or childless, I would understand that they meant they didn't have children and think no more about it.

The whole reason the term childfree came about was to make it clear it was a choice and not a source of sorrow.

I think you’ve got too much time in your hands.

At what point in a woman’s life, because it’s never used about men, would you refer to her as a non parent? 18? 16? 21?

Why do you ever need to use and phrase to describe people who don’t have children? If I’m describing a friend I might say ‘he’s married with two children’ or ‘she lives with her partner and their two cats’.

I always thank that when people start quibbling over terminology it's the underlying concept that's the problem.

Some people are judgmental about others not having children. Some people without children feel they have somehow missed out on something. Others are insensitive to that. Those (and others) are the actual issues. Nitpicking over the words never solves the problem. Whichever improved word you agree to use, it will very shortly get tarnished with the same associations, just like the last one did.