To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Childfree women often do feel they’ve escaped the drudgery of child rearing that’s expected of them. We spend many years convincing family that we don’t want children and are happier without them.

Why should it not be celebrated as a life choice. Having children isn’t a neutral decision. It’s celebrated so the alternative deserves to be too.

I don't understand why a description that people use to describe themselves affects you?

Last time I said that I got a barrage of
“oh you mustn’t leave it too long, you need to hurry up”
”Why don’t you have children?”
”is something broken” (hahahaha 😐)
”come on, you must have them soon!”
”how many do you want”
”is it you or him?” (Hahahaha 😐)

Short of next time saying “my uterus and ovaries are a pair of cunting fuckers and after years of debilitating ivf treatment and multiple losses I’ve made the decision to stop trying and move on from that part of my life so have been both childless and have now chosen to be childfree” I’m just going to stick to a term I’m comfortable with.

Fave alternate to my previous one. However, maybe we are due for change.

"i don't have kids"
"oh why? So sorry "
"why? I never wanted them so it's ok"
"oh! But what about the love, the life purpose? Who will take care of you later in life?" 😱

The latter being the favour argument. So I propose change from childfree to purposemadecarerfree

MN proves, once again, that people can get in a froth over absolutely anything.

This.

Well I mean, kids are generally a little bit awful. I mean...did no one else grow up around them? They're like adults only worse xD Occasional nice one here and there.

Also, if you have a problem with the term childfree implying kids are something negative to be avoided...I'm curious - do you think bringing a child into the world and- forcing the child to attended over a decade of their life in school with no say or personal autonomy about it, is any better?

Because if so, it's like a worker in the prisons complaining about someone being a bit snide to the inmates.

Childrens rights cease to exist when we need somewhere to leave them so we can work.
And everybody just allows it. Because it makes their life easier.

I don't much like kids, but i respect them enough not to bring them into a world where they don't actually have the same rights you and I take for granted.

Just pointing out the irony.

You respect kids but describe them as awful? 😂😂😂

I find there are far more awful adults that kids tbh.

Sure, some adults are awful too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna treat them badly or like their right don't matter.

Have you tried relaxing?

I don't use the term 'childfree' to identify myself (I'm more childfreeless 🤔) but it's such a handy term to use in order to find other women in the same boat and to feel less alone. I really don't think anything should be read into the word beyond that.

Speaking very personally I use childfree over childless because I’m trying to put a positive spin on the fact that no one will call me mum, that I won’t ever get to hold my own baby, that I won’t know that love, that I won’t see a whole person I created grow, that no one will remember me with love when I’m gone.
Sorry if the use of 4 letters upsets you so much. I’ll sit quietly with my cat.

I would think 'I have children/ don't have children' is simple

It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal

Umm, isn't that true, otherwise the human population would be decreasing instead of increasing

Yes, several posters have said that & its been discussed in some detail.

It doesn't mean it's abnormal or a bad thing to not have children. 20% of people never have children. It's not exactly a tiny percentage.

So why do so many people treat is a whichcraft or something to pity
(depends on the free or less) 🤷

Exactly.

Nobody has said that it's a bad thing? Maybe they have, I haven't read every post.

It is abnormal to not have children.

20% is what it is: 20%.

I'm not making a value judgement. I'm pointing out that having children is indeed the default, and not having them is indeed abnormal.

This!!!!

You do realise that ‘abnormal’ usually has negative connotations, it doesn’t just mean unusual?

If someone told me I was ‘abnormal’ for not wanting kids, I’d think they were rude and stupid.

You do realise that abnormal doesn't just mean deviated from the 'normal'. There is an additional connotation of it being an undesirable state. So please don't call me abnormal.

I don't care what others say or what definition is what it means all the same to me, but to me we don't need more labels in life

People can say what they want, things used to happen in life now people need to stick a label on it

Like standing in front of ten dog owners, announcing how dogs are foul, and portraying superiority at being "dogfree.".

This is an assumption of portrayed superiority, you've drawn.

I'm a dog owner, I woudn't feel offended if someone stood in front of me and pronounced they didn't want a dog, didn't want to deal with the dog hair, the dog walking, the curtailment of overseas holidays, or the general mess or expense.

I would think I had met someone who didn't want a dog and think no further of it. Superiority wouldn't come into it. Same if I meet someone that doesn't have children. I don't feel any particular way about it at all, even if they describe themselves as childfree. Good for you, you go. Enjoy your white sofa, and your spotless carpets, and your long haul flights, genuinely, we all need to embrace what we have chosen, accept there are others who do not choose what we do, and stop feeling attacked by others choices when they don't align with our own, it's much more peaceful that way.

I'm childfree by choice and think 'free' captures it nicely on all levels 😉