To think the term 'childfree' is as bad as 'childless'

[JemimaWithTheStripeyTights]

I totally understand why somebody would prefer not to describe themselves as 'childless'. The -less has connotations of something missing, of being somehow inferior or lacking when compared with people with children. It makes 'having children' the default, and 'not having children' abnormal. I get it.

But something about 'childfree' really grates with me. The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden, or as if they're something to be escaped from at all costs. Basically, I think it sounds as much like a smug value judgement as 'childless' is a thoughtless one.

Not sure what the alternative would be, but how about 'nonparent'? It needs to be a word that's totally neutral about whether having kids is a good or bad thing.

Yes, it did. Because it’s for both childless and childfree people and the use of only childfree made childless posters feel uncomfortable.

The childfree listened to that and requested a name change. Because we think it’s important to respect (sorry, I know you hate the idea of respecting those who aren’t mums on mumsnet) terminology and the distinction between the two groups.

What is the difference between women who don’t have children and women who are “childfree” - who didn’t feel included in the label and why?

Women who are childless or childless by circumstance didn’t feel included in ‘childfree’ as it wasn’t their choice not to have children.

Generally...

Childfree - by choice
Childless - not by choice.

Doesn't fit everyone but nothing ever does.

HTH.

Why are you so angry? What difference does it make to your life what a board is called, or how people choose to live their lives?

Why are you so offended? What bothers you? I am childless due to devastating circumstances. I am not offended by people who are happy without children, why are you?!
I contribute to society by being a higher rate tax payer and I am very pro services being geared up towards helping the younger generations and good quality education etc.
Whats the problem??

If you read back through the thread I have outlined the reasons I find it offensive for people without children to call themselves “childfree”.

And I’ve told you why I only use it when unempathetic muppets ask questions about my reproductive health. HTH.

@CherryBlossomArt were you so insufferable even befofe the metamorphosis of parenthood or did that come with it?

I've read it. You don't like people without children to use the term childfree because only parents should use that. I still don't understand why you're so angry that people have differing opinions. Yours isn't necessarily right.

The -free seems to imply liberation from the idea of children, as if that's some obligation or burden

I mean, that sums it up perfectly imo 🤷‍♀️

Children are a massive responsibility and yes, a burden in many ways. I'm not sure why so many parents find that to be so offensive.

I mean, if you're happy to take on that job for the rest of your days, knock yourself out, but many people can't imagine anything worse/

Ok, you find it offensive, but most of us don't.

Everyone heard you. Your reasons are nonsense.
If someone thinking children are a burden or a restriction on their lifestyle and therefore choose not to have them why are you so offended by that? You seem very fragile and insecure in your decision to have children.
Perhaps you didn’t actively make the decision and went along with what you thought you were supposed to do.

Not at all - like all groups, some are arseholes. I don't think you realise how unusual your level of anger is over a very low level of basic consideration for others. The majority of the parents on this thread don't agree with you either!

It’s nuts isn’t it!
The vast majority of the posts on this site are to do with parenting dynamics, why won’t my baby sleep, my child eats like shit, how should I discipline my child, being a working mum is so hard, being a stay at home mum is so hard and on and on and on but god for use anyone else acknowledges this and all of a sudden it’s “don’t say my child is a burden/obligation/hard work!”.

And I say this as someone with kids.

Random colleague - “do you have children?”
Me - “no I don’t, gosh isn’t it cold today?”
Colleague - “My best friend’s hairdresser’s next door neighbour was married to someone who had no children and they ate unicorn poo every day and got pregnant instantly!“
Me - “oh right, so anyway it’s getting so dark early too!”
Colleague - “you’ll probably change your mind about having children.”
Me - “well I’d better be off now. Have a nice day”
Colleague - “Children are a blessing!”
Me - “oh yes they are but I am child free.”
Colleague (channeling their inner CherryBlossomArt) - “I am doing my part in society by raising children and you sound selfish and why do you work in a place that helps children’s welfare when you don’t have children? I am offended!”

Exactly @Completelyjo.

I mean, if parenting really is this wonderful, life-enhancing experience for you, then why does it even matter whether it sounds like a nightmare for someone else?

There are also plenty of examples of people who seem to think people who haven't got children have no value to society and should just go into a corner somewhere. I mean, god forbid any of us express any happiness about our lives, regardless of whether it's learning to live with disappointment or completely through choice.

Have you ever thought that it's generation of being treated as 'less than' for women who can't or don't have children that got us to this point of some wanting to be 'out and proud' about it?

I am old enough to have been treated as somehow 'defective' and to be pitied for not being able to reproduce. I think it's bloody brilliant that we can be happier, more positive about it. The fact that we are still seeing some shocking 'not pulling your weight' attitudes in 2024 disgusts me, frankly.

I am still a productive member of society. I am actually productively working with other people's children. Without people like me, willing to work for low pay just to be with kids all day, the parents who 'pull their weight' so much more than me would have to stay home and look after/educate their own offspring.

But yeah, I am not pulling my weight because my uterus isn't functioning. What is this, the 50s?

I worked in an office where there were 7 women including me. 5 had children, I was 21 and childfree, the other woman was 22 and DESPERATE for a child. When we went out to get lunch we would always have to stop at little baby boutique near the cafe so she could buy something for when she had her baby, she had names picked out, she just couldn’t wait, it’s all she wanted.

She got pregnant and the 5 women with children were all basically saying ‘you’ve ruined your life’. If she mentioned she stayed up late to watch something ‘do it while you can no more tv or late nights when you have a baby’, if she bought herself some new shoes ‘don’t get used to it, you won’t have money for years now’, when she mentioned her fiance was putting up furniture for the nursery ‘don’t rely on him a lot of men leave women when they have a baby and he’s very young’. Babies and children were made to sound like they were just there to destroy your life and body (the labour scare stories were something else!).

She was so upset. I said to her don’t be upset, listen to what they say to me about having baby. I had a Friday and Monday off to have a long weekend away, I got all the ‘it’s alright for some’ type comments and ‘you can only do that because you don’t have kids’ then came the ‘yeah but she doesn’t have that love and joy in her life though’ ‘who cares about holidays if much rather have my kids’ type of comments made to each other and then to me saying I should have kids soon because I’d change my mind when I’m 30 (I didn’t) and be lonely and my boyfriend would leave me (we’ve now been married decades). They didn’t stop even when I told them I wasn’t ’on holiday’, I was away for a funeral but I got over it because it gave me the opportunity to say to my pregnant colleague - see, babies aren’t so bad are they! She didn’t get upset about the things they said to her after that!

My last post was a reply to one that seems to have been removed whilst I was typing. Apologies.

I wonder how the poster who has taken umbrage would react if their child decided not to have children and described themselves as childfree.

Yes, but plenty of people don't fit into either group.

That’s a you problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

All of this.

OP got what she wanted.