To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

What a grump! Cats are great.

We had similar and then in one of the Covid lockdowns the neighbour’s cat decided to move in with us for a couple of weeks and DH really saw how she became one of the family and our DC benefitted from having her around. After she went home (we genuinely thought she was a stray and hadn’t deliberately stolen her!!) we got a kitten of our own. It hasn’t been easy. He’s had a few (expensive) health issues and destroyed some furniture but on balance we’re all happier with him. So I’m not sure what the answer is but maybe if there’s a way you can test out having a cat it might help?

Would he agree to look at cats with you?(if one 'picked' him he may feel differently.)

Everyone has to agree to a family pet. DH hates cats, so we will never have one. I don’t want a dog, so we won’t get one of those either.

@DarkBlueStocking might he be swayed by a bengal or maine coon? i have both and though cats both breeds are very dog like in different ways

Ah - just foster one for a couple of weeks

I just feel he’s not got a valid reason to say no.

We have the time the space the money. And the kids are a great age to have a cat.

It’s really irritated me that he can see how much happiness it would bring us but he has arbitrarily said no. He won’t be swayed and we’re not allowed to talk about it anymore apparently!

A bengal has been bred to be pretty much unlike a domestic cat, so you are right there. As long as DH doesn’t mind being savaged occasionally , it should be just the ticket.

I love my cats but not everyone is a cat lover.
Your husband doesn't want one and a cat shouldn't be introduced to a home where one person is dead set against their presence. The potential cat's welfare in my opinion should be more important than whether you and your children want one.

Just get one. What’s he gonna do when the little fluffer is already there? It’s too late, husband, too late. 😁

I'd just get one.

ah i remember begging my DH for a cat... he had never had pets, i however grew up on a farm, we had every pet under the sun but my passion was cats. for many years i had to go without because my DD's were allergice.

eventually time came round where it was possible to own a cat and i begged and pleaded and in the end my DH gave in, and allowed me 1 (one) cat on the condition that it never slept on the bed.

we got TWO cats and they both sleep on the bed :)

Kids don’t get a say. They aren’t paying, they likely aren’t doing the work and they aren’t committing to fifteen plus years of caring for it. They’ll be independent adults out the nest by the time the cat is middle aged.

I’m with your DH to be honest, I wouldn’t want a cat. Some people, like me, just don’t particularly like animals (awaiting comments that I’m “weird”, “psychopathic” “can’t be trusted” etc) and find that the work, expense and hassle of a pet just isn’t worth it. I think it’s much more responsible and respectful to the animal to say no than to get a pet that’s resented. I don’t have some amazing reason beyond “I just don’t like them and I don’t want one” and my spouse endlessly going on about it would probably result in me banning the topic too. At some point you have to either accept “no” or if it’s that important to you, split up.

As for just unilaterally bringing one home anyway, it’d probably be the beginning of the end of my marriage if DH pulled that stunt.

i wouldn't do that... thats not very fair on DH. owning a pet should be a joint or family decision it shouldn't just be forced upon somone. Yes i was sneaky with getting two but in my defence they were siblings and the rescue wanted them housed together, so DH agreed to take the two

DDs would love a pet. I'd quite enjoy them

But DH wouldn't. He doesn't want the responsibility of care, sorting out arrangements when we want a night away, getting attached then something happening etc. So we don't have one.

DD might need to bring home animals for the weekend/part of school holidays soon... and he's fine with that. Weve dog sat for a few days. He just doesn't want it permanently.

Oh, I don’t particularly want one either! I get you on how ‘canine’ some breeds are, though.

I think sometimes people can be swayed, other times they are no I genuinely don't like them, only you know which he is

I was never a cat person and then a neighbours cat decided I absolutely needed to become one. My dad has always had dogs and said cats are "nasty bitey scratchy things and you won't ever catch me near one"

This is him climbing on the floor to give my dog type lump of a cat belly rubs

He doesn't scratch, claw, is happy to be touched all over including belly and paws, and is basically a living teddy bear who likes to play fetch like a dog

oh we used to have a cat who loved to play fetch!

I get to an extent that everyone has to be on board with a pet and it's not nice to force a pet on anyone that doesn't want one. However...with this I feel kids end up losing out on the childhood experience and benefits of what a pet can bring. Kids shouldn't lose out because of our likes and dislikes as adults. Cats are probably the easiest pets to have, I have had them all my life. Having a pet teaches kids a lot, mine have learnt to respect boundaries and behaviours of our cat and it's been a great learning curve for them.

He won't actively need to do anything for the cat if he doesn't want to. If you and the kids are the ones who feed it and let it in and out then it will gravitate towards you and probably ignore him.
But I bet once it's there he will end up loving it just as much as everyone else.
Tell him he needn't make any changes or investment in it and you're going to go ahead and do it. There's just no way he'll end up regretting having a cat around the place.
I hope you've plenty of safe outdoor space though? For your husband, when the cat takes over his place on the couch! 🤣

My son didn't want a cat DIL bought home a ragdoll kitten. It was love at first sight of those big blue eyes. They're very dog like. She likes to play fetch. My son is her favourite human. They curl up together at night.

There’s no way I’d just get one like a pp suggested. Like: surprise!

My feelings have been hurt and I’m peed off. I’ve been through an awful lot these last few years, so assumed he would indulge me because he knows how happy it would make me. Got that wrong!

Also would love the kids to have the experience of a pet. They would get so much out of it. I loved having a cat when I was a child.

Honestly think he may have said no because it’s not his idea / just because he likes to have control.

Will stop complaining now! God what a whiner!

I was always adamant I didn’t like cats and my DH wanted one. A neighbours cat latched onto us and I fell in love with it, and we ended up getting a cat ourselves. I loved that cat.
Cats are relatively easy. If it’s an outdoor cat your DH won’t have to do much, and if it’s an indoor cat they are often quite independent creatures. As long as they are fed and cleaned.
I would try and borrow one from someone and see if he can be swayed.

@thursdaymurderclub he loves it!
He's very much..
Oh you want to pet me all day? Cool
You're going out? Cool
You're sick? Cool, I'll just have a nap with you
The neighbours child wants to carry me like a handbag? Cool
Easy going cat