To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

@Milkand2sugarsplease, I adore my cat & loved all the ones I fostered, I never walk past a cat without doing a slow blink, and I think it would be totally unfair on a cat to live in a home where one of the adults didn’t want it.

Look at @moleeye’s post. OK, I’m single so I didn’t have this problem but I think the veto has to take priority.

This is why I told DH on our first or second date that I would always have to have cats so he would need to accept that if we were to stay together 😂

Seriously OP I agree it’s selfish and your comment about it not being his idea is very telling. One of my kids really wants a tarantula. That’s the last pet I want but if both my kids and DH wanted one I’d definitely agree based on them doing the care.

@EmpressaurusDelleGatte I agree the veto takes priority but I think the OP deserves a conversation about it rather than just a flat no. An explanation of the no might help them accept the no rather than feeling dismissed. That's all I'm saying.

Yes, I agree.

I'd get rid of him if there had to be a choice. Cats have always been in my life and always will be. It won't even affect him so what's his problem?
Pets are incredibly good for children.

Some pet owners have a complete and total blind spot when it comes to pet ownership. They have absolutely no idea whatsoever the extent to wish their pets can impact on the lives of other people.
If there is a cat in the house it will impact on every single person living in that house whether they want it to or not.

My DH didn't want a cat. I did, I had previously had cats. Eventually he agreed to come to the cat rescue centre with me (I didn't make him, it may even have been his idea) and he picked out a pair of cats that he liked the look of. I didn't make him do that either, but he knew how much it meant to me to have a cat. That was 16 years ago - we had to have one put down last year and he was very upset.

Don't nag him about it, just ensure in a quiet, understated way that he is aware that you really really want a cat and he may come round. I would say, however, that it would probably be sensible to let him have a lot of input into the cat you do get eventually - and don't get a long haired cat or you will have far hair everywhere (another reason for him to complain about having a cat). Shortlisted cats shed as well, but it's not quite as obvious. And don't get a white cat - every hair shows. The cats my DH chose were one pure white and one pure black - sisters. The white hair showed up everywhere, especially on clothes.

Which is why I tell anyone I'm with that my cats are non negotiable.

Fair point.

But if some people don't have this conversation up front it's not fair to make it a non-negociable later on.

Of course it will affect him for many reasons! Just silly to say it wouldn't.

Please remind him of the adage: dogs have owners, cats have staff. He was just substitutes staff so he didn't count at all.

It's fucking annoying how an adult needs permission from another adult to get a pet. All it does when someone vetoes something their partner deeply wants is cause an undercurrent of resentment and frustration. It just simmers under the surface because you're just living your life waiting to be allowed something from the apparent boss of the household.

And as for bringing home a snake/spider/rat, they're even less work than a cat or dog.

It's fucking annoying when one person in a relationship is so self-centred that they think they can make significant decisions that affect everyone without caring about the opinion of the other person. It causes an undercurrent of frustration and resentment. It just simmers under the surface while you wait for the next utterly selfish decision from the apparent boss of the household.

It’s a cat. I’d say no as well

DH agreed to a cat as long as she didn’t have wet food because he couldn’t bear the smell. So she’s only ever had good quality dry food. She’s nearly 18 now so it has been fine for her health wise. Maybe he would agree to that compromise. She’s has been DD’s “best friend” and really saved her mental health when she was a teenager, I truly believe that

Well if a male was allowed on here and posted he wanted one but his wife didn't i am sure he would be told to get rid of his wife? so he depends on who who wants one
If a woman wants something and man doesn't he is the selfish one

Personally all wants one or none to me

At the rescue I volunteer for, one of the first questions on the application form is ‘Is everyone in the household happy to adopt a cat / dog?’

If the answer’s no, it doesn’t happen. It wouldn’t be fair on the pet & there would be an increased risk of them being returned.