To want DH to say yes to a cat!

[Fluffyballofwool]

Me and the kids (13, 10) really really want a cat. DH doesn’t. He’s not allergic or anything. Just says he doesn’t want one. Didn’t grow up with cats so ‘can’t see the point’. So it’s a no. We can’t have one.

I feel he is being selfish and doesn’t have a strong enough reason why not. It’s making me very unhappy! The kids and I adore cats.

If it was the other way around and he wanted a dog (he grew up with them) I would say yes. I don’t want a dog but if it made DH happy then there’s no question.

AIBU to feel he’s being unnecessarily stubborn?!

Have to agree with this.

I don't like cats and wouldn't want one in my house. Especially when they bring in things like dead birds and mice. Ugh, no.

If somebody tried to force a pet on me that I didn't want I would genuinely consider leaving them.

I think yanbu, majority vote and pets are great for kids.

DH didn’t want a cat but I did so he did agree. He now loves the cat as much as I do, he mostly deals with the litter tray and feeds her as he’s retired and I work full time.

Our cat is amazing and no regrets from any of us.

You know what, I'm not offering advice, I'm giving my opinion and my experience and empathising with the OP because it must be frustrating being married to someone so intransigent. He has unilaterally made a decision that affects the rest of his family on the grounds that he 'doesn't see the point'. He doesn't see the point but he's not willing to take on board that other people around him do.

YABU to have married him. ‘Must like cats’ was number one on my list of partner attributes.

I would get another husband.

Alternatively can you volunteer at a local cat rescue to get your cat fix? That might be a compromise and cheaper than divorce.

The problem with your kind of people is that you fail to realise that not everybody is like you. They may be adorable creatures for you. Congratulations. But some individuals dislike them, and there is nothing wrong with it. We are not mean or bad people for that.
We just don't want a pet at home. It is really not difficult to understand.

'Your kind of people' 😂.

I must've missed where the husband has said he dislikes cats.

My DH wasn't keen on a cat, kids and I said we'd deal with cleaning feeding etc and he wouldn't have to lift a finger. We got a kitten one weekend, he wasn't particularly impressed but went along with it.

Several years later I think the cat is DH's favourite member of the family and he's the one waiting on the cat hand and foot 😂

Unfortunately it’s going to be a no if you got one the first time it damaged anything like clawing at furniture and made the house smell by pissing you’d never hear the end of it

also there’s no guarantee that if you got a cat it would be this little joyous ball of fluff some can be nasty fuckers

unless your all on board drop it

Why does he get to veto the whole family? I think it’s voting time….

my dh wasn’t a cat person until he moved in with me. Now he adores them and is the official house cat slave

On the surface it might appear that he is being selfish. I think an animal should only be brought into the home if everyone wants it. You say it’s only a cat but it makes a dramatic change to the whole environment. The fur, the litter, the smell of the food, I would cry if my home was full of something I did not want. It is no exaggeration to say I feel my home would be violated. A cat is a presence in every room. No escape in what should be my safe place.

i don’t expect your DH feels as strongly, but I suggest you think about what is the worst animal.you could think of. Imagine that in your home.

It is good for children to learn to consider the feelings of others before their own.

I get to veto the whole family’s desire for a dog. I don’t want to look after it, walk it, clean up after it, pay for its vet expenses, curtail time out of the house for its sake, pay for kennels or only go to dog-friendly destinations. Those are things that would have a measurable negative impact on my life, regardless of everyone else protesting otherwise. I get a veto.

Because it's a pet, another life to take care of, another expense. Every single person has to be in agreement with these decisions. It is not fair to force such a big commitment on somebody if they don't want it.

LTB, get the cat!

seriously, could you not get him to agree to a cat provided you take care? Ours is an outdoor, won't use the litter tray. there is no smell, mess or anything. just a purry little thing we love to bits. unless you are allergic, he wouldn't bother a soul. What are his objections exactly?

I think I would just get one.

Would you let your children and husband outvote you to have another baby? If you felt absolutely against having a baby but your husband and kids really wanted another one, would you go along with that because your household is apparently a democracy? If your DH and kids wanted to uproot your life and move to Australia because they loved the outdoors and beaches and it’d be an amazing opportunity blah blah blah but you loved your life here and would be heartbroken to move, would you do it because you were outvoted?

To me a dog or cat is that level of magnitude a decision. That is how strongly I don’t want one, for no “good reason” other than I don’t want one.

I barely let my kids vote on which restaurant we go to or which film we watch, I’m certainly not giving them power to vote me into living with, paying for and inevitably looking after an animal I don’t want in my home for the next twenty years.

There is no way I could live with a cat

Shudder

That is such an irresponsible comment

Replace cat with rat/ferrit/snake.

He doesn’t want a cat. End of discussion.

If a member of my family brought a rat into my house after I’d said no they would have two choices.

Get rid of the rat, or move out.

YABU. You can't foist this responsibility onto a reluctant person. If you don't like cats, they're just an expensive hair shedding, furniture wrecking, bird killing burden.

Imposing a pet on someone who doesn’t want one is selfish. He doesn’t want one, that’s a good enough reason.

I’d be incredibly cross if DH brought home a pet I had said no to and it would be going right back to where it came from.

Yes it does. When there's no obvious reason to say no & you know how much happiness it could bring. That's a misery to my mind.

Not wanting a cat is an obvious reason. Clearly he doesn’t like cats.

Just like some people don’t like dogs or rats or snakes.

I loathe cats, so I'm on Team Husband. But pets are a big deal, so I think anyone who doesn't want one should absolutely have the right to veto.

And potentially lose a husband over a fucking cat!

Maybe the husband hasn’t bothered giving a reason because he knows, no matter what the reason op will give a come back answer. So easier to just say no full stop.

I don’t want one because of the fur… It’s fine I’ll hover every day (still doesn’t stop it getting on clothes during the time between hoovers)

I don’t want the cat upstairs… I won’t let it. (Gets an annoying cat who howls and scratches to be with people, op gives in)

I don’t want stinky litter trays…. It won’t stink I’ll clean it daily and they will go outside.. (each poop still stinks as it’s done and even clean cat litter has a smell)

I just cnba or stand the smell of wet cat food… you won’t have to feed it I will and we can use dry…. (One day op will need the husband to feed the cat and biscuits still smell)

I don’t want it up on the sides…. I will stop it. (You can’t stop it really the second your back is turned boom cat on the counter)

I don’t want it bringing in dead animals it’s caught or near dead one… we won’t have a cat flap.. (so now your a cat concierge at all hours in and out)

Also cats love people who don’t like cats. So it will be all over him like a fly round shit.

Don’t want it scratching the furniture, we will get a scratch post ( hahahahahaha )

My cats love my mil 🤣